Observation on two kids off to college
For years and years DH has told me I need to parent more like him. He has given the skids every excuse, does not keep track of what they are doing, was inconsistent on what he said/did, and has not been on top of preparing them for adulthood. He balked at any comment I made that was not all unicorns and rainbows. But he felt his softer approach was what was better and made the kids love him more/want to be here.
Once OSS graduated from HS he barely came around here. DS graduated too but took care to spend equal time at both houses (on his own, XH and I told him that any visitation schedules were null and void). Now both are off to college. I didn't expect this but DS has texted or called every two-three days, and is very responsive if I text back. (He's not homesick, he's needed some info or let me know about stuff going on.) DH and BM have sent text messages to OSS but he's responded to only one of BMs and none of DHs. The stuff happening with OSS is what DH predicted would happen between me and DS because of my parenting style. But it turns out being the stricter parent did not ruin my relationship with my kid.
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Comments
Hahahahahaha!
Hahahahahaha!
I bet he isn't recognizing it at all though, huh?
Wait for it....
when hubby throws his hands in the air and says “i don’t know what i did wrong??” Trying to act all innocent when this is well and truly a result of his absent parenting. He’s a major part of the problem and knows it but he’s in denial or trying to play innocent
I don’t think
he would wonder what he did wrong. I think he’d wonder why OSS is like that. Asking what he did wrong would mean he was taking responsibility for the situation.
I was the meanest mom on the
I was the meanest mom on the block. My youngest son call me every day, my oldest calls a few times a week and since he had his car accident we talk almost every day since his injury has kept him out of work for a few months. SD 17 has barely talked to DH since she got her license and a job. She needs nothing from him. Wait til she moves. Hopefully we dont hear from her.
Yep I was the ogre
but both DS and DD keep in touch with me and haven't broken the law!! *they are in their early and late thirties*
I dont like to compare kids
But a lot of SMs here would complain if their DHs adult kids were calling their DH this much
I get that
What helped me when it came to DHs communication with the skids or BM was considering if I would do the same thing with XH and DS. There is a certain amount of communication if you are parenting together and parenting your kids.
I’m expecting the communication from DS to drop off soon.
Comparing
Sorry, but I have to chime in here! Although I am not a bio mother, I have noticed that there is a different type of relationship and parenting style between fathers/step fathers and mothers/stepmothers.
Dont you think that children in general naturally gravitate towards mom because shes mom? SD13 always talks to us both, but she talks to me a LOT more. So, OP, you said that your kiddos are close to BOTH you and your ExH. But many chiming in - does your exh/exbf also have a positive relationship with your bio children?
Just out of curiosity.
I totally agree that kids need structure and firmness. And all these guilty dad, disney dad types are not ensuring that the kids will maintain contact. Its an interesting observation, definitely!
Moms do seem to know more
I think it’s a feminine trait to be more inquisitive so moms do tend to know more and set up more communication.
Regarding XH: yes, DS has a good relationship with his dad. They have some shared interests and get along well. XH is planning on visiting DS in a few weeks.