Pick a lane
DH told me the other day just before he took YSS to a tournament that went all day that YSS has been on the bench so far in his sport and was almost the entire year last year. And that he'd probably sit there all day. He's JV and at this point should be at the upper end and getting ready for varsity. While the kid is super talented at the finesse of the game, he has not and will not (because of family genetics) grow to the height and muscle strength he needs to compete at a varsity/college/professional level in this sport. And DH told me not ask about the sport when YSS got back, he's feeling badly about the situation.
Excuse me? A year ago DH told me that YSS was on the bench in the same sport. I didn't ask anything about it a year ago when YSS got home from a tournament and DH jumped all over me later that I didn't care enough to ask about it. And it was the only thing I really knew about the sport as they never talked about it, so if I'm told that one thing about the kid not even playing why would I even bring it up?
Yes, at least this time he told me not to say anything. I took the opportunity to ask why this time I should be sensitive and not mention it but last time I was sensitive and did not mention it that that was wrong. DH had nothing.
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Simple
"SS, did you have a good day?" If DH has a problem with that just tell him you asked about his day as a concerned, engaged steparent because your CARE about him and DH can get off his high horse.
Which time?
If I asked that very neutral question now or a year ago I would have been blasted at least once. Instead of him being upset I didn’t say anything last year, he would have been upset this year that my question meant I was asking about a sore subject.
Sounds like DH has some feels
Sounds like DH has some feels of his own about the skid and his participation in said sport. Some feels that he needs to man up and deal with (preferably without being a dolt and taking it out on you).
DH being overly sensitive isn't going to help skid with whatever reality may be waiting for him re: this sport.
If skids participation is no longer fun or a positive experience for him why is everyone clinging to it? Fear of some sort I would imagine.
Fear of what? Rejection? The unknown future? Growth and a step into the next phase of life?
If skid truly enjoys said sport then maybe finding a different stage would be the best answer. Inherent competition in sports aside, is there an alternative rec league skid could participate in rather than continue to feel devalued at whatever competition level he is currently riding the bench at?
It all seems silly if, for whatever reasons beyond skids control, he will never rise to the level required in this specific sector to keep forcing it rather than finding a more appropriate avenue.
Rather than ask everyone to tap dance around the projection of his own feels onto skid, DH should consider being an adult and helping skid navigate his disappointment in an appropriate way.
He is in a rec league during the summer
Also wasn't playing there, either. He and the leagues/HS teams are at the point where it's no longer "everyone gets a turn and a participation ribbon."
DH is hoping he will try another sport, though I think YSS may have been talking to peers and come up with it on his own. The only bad part of it is that it's a sport DH did and that DS did. So now there will be more competition (even if DS is done with it). For a long time now they all did different sports which was nice as there was no competition or comparison.
I wouldn't be surprised at all if YSS put off trying the other sport because he didn't want to compete against DS (just wouldn't want the comparison even if he was better than DS) and since he started playing as a little kid BM has been filling his head with being a professional athlete in the sport in which he's been on the bench and that's probably been in his head for a long time.
When I say rec league I mean
When I say rec league I mean the kid equivalent of a beer league. It's not a competitive league in the traditional sense, it's purely for the fun of the sport. There may not be something like that in your area but it wouldn't hurt to look around.
That aside if skid is feeling bad about his lack of participation and there's absolutetly no way to improve his chances of increased play time your DH should be helping the kid with reaching acceptance (as well as his own) regardless of how this plays out in his athletic career. Being a legacy player can be an immense pressure for kids. I'm sure skid feels it, even if nobody is actively applying it.
Treating him with kid gloves and being a butt to you (or anyone else) isn't the only way your DH could be handling the situation. Good luck in helping him find a different route. : )
Your H has some feelings HE
Your H has some feelings HE needs to address since he's getting so touchy about the subject. It seems like your SS is not the only one feeling away about being benched all year and your H seems to have some guilt over it so he takes it out on you. He's projecting his insecurities out on you when he needs to come to terms with his own undesirable emotions.
When I saw my SS19 briefly at
When I saw my SS19 briefly at 16, he was 5'10", now he's 6'2" - and he's 8 inches taller than DH. So you never know about genetics!
But that's not all it takes to succeed at high level sports.
I just love pointing out
I just love pointing out those inconsistencies. Gently, of course.