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is it posible?

jaja512's picture

Submitted by jaja512 on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 11:28pm

Ok so my SD is 13 her mom died when she was 3 and she goes on and one about her mom. and her dad says she remembers more then he does is that even possible?? When she talks about her mom which is kind of a problem for me cause I was very close to her and I seen her right before she died and I feel so bad cause I'm raising her daughter and I feel like she should be here not me... I'm lost.... I love my boyfriend and we have a son together. And I feel it would be better if my SD wasn't here cause she tells lies about me and every time I say something to my bf he asks her and she lies and he believes her over me and idk how to think or feel...

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stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Submitted by stepmomto3bioto1 on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 12:04am

I can kinda comment about the rememberance of 'her mom' that she might have. My Dad had cancer, and he lived in our home the last yr of his life, so I could care for him better. My daughter was almost 5 when my Dad died. I can say that she does remember a whole lot about her Grandpa. Some things she remembers are so cute to hear, things only a child would notice & remember. The way his cologne smelled, how he would make google eyes on characters when they would draw together (he was kinda an artist)..etc. She remembers mostly all the good, I tried to shelter her from seeing the bad, and my Dad went to a Hospice center per his wishes towards the end (so she would remember the good things, happy times). So yes, young children do remember things that we may have even overlooked, but do remember.

Now, on the flipside of this.. I do know a friend, whose daughters father passed away when she was very young, perhaps 3 or 4? Anyways, the little girl as she got older kinda put fact & fiction together about her 'memories' of her dad. Alot of kids who have lost someone close to them, want to think things were a certain way, or that they had these grand memories that sometimes never existed..like "remember my daddy did this or did that..he did things for me that 'nobody' else has ever done, etc. Its kinda hard to deal with, cause someone may give them a heir of 'sainthood' that perhaps never existed while they were on this earth. It can be frustrating, and you want your child to have happy feelings/thoughts about their parent who is no longer with us. I wonder if this is what may be going on with your SD?

I know its gotta be hard, dealing with the ghost of her mother. You have been there for her kids, you are raising them. Your SD probably feels the loss of her mom alot, and therefore may feel that she cant fully 'love' you as a mom, cause of the loyalty she feels towards her mom?

I sure hope things turn around for you. You are a good person for being there for her, even if she doesnt show it back to you.

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 5:19am

My son was 3 when his father passed away. He doesn't remember very much, and what he does remember are snippets -- wheelchair, mustache. Most of his "memories" arise from photos of them. My son even insists he "remembers" when his father was in the military.... but his father got out of the military before my son was even born.

I don't know about memories at that young of an age. Like I said, my son's come mostly from pictures, or stories people tell him.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 8:43am

I read a study a while ago that a lot of early childhood memories aren't true memories at all. That having parents talk about things that have happened, and seeing pictures , the kids "make-up" a memory and truly believe that they remember it happening.