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is it all teenagers or just step ones????

jellyabean's picture

Submitted by jellyabean on Mon, 07/05/2010 - 10:39am

Well as this is my first blog i'll stay calm!! i am a sm to a ss13, he's generally a good lad, spoilt rotten to the point of irritation, but good all the same. We see him twice a week and I usually spend about 30 minutes alone with him on each of those days, sometimes he acts like my best friend in the world and will tell me all about what he's been up to, other times he totally ignores me like i'm not even there and if i ask him something he replies with an illegible grunt. can somebody please tell me if that is all teenagers or just my ss??

when we are with my dh he does everything he can to make me suffer, even when it's things he doesnt want to do he will do it if he knows i don't want to do it, like if i say i don't want to watch a particular film he will say he wants to watch it, if i want something for tea he will say he doesn't like it but then the week after he will ask for it, it is mostly my dh fault for letting him get away with it!!!

can somebody please tell me if that is all teenagers or just my ss??
help!! any advise on how to deal with this??

Comments

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Dawn-Moderator on Mon, 07/05/2010 - 10:57am

I think that a lot of it it teenager crap. I also agree that it is worse when you're the step parent.

I also think that just because it may be "normal" teenage stuff, it doesn't' mean that it shouldn't be pointed out to them so they no it's not nice or right to do!

Now if I can just get my Dh to agree with me, it'd be great!

Hang in there. As you said, they have good days and bad days. My ss is almost 15 and sometimes it is just a struggle to get him to grunt ANY response at all. Maybe I should try texting him even though he's in the next room since that seems the only way he wants to communicate these days!!

Dawn

lostandconfusedsm's picture

Submitted by lostandconfusedsm on Mon, 07/05/2010 - 12:36pm

We are going through the same thing. SS is 12 1/2 and the grunts started last fall. He has an older brother(who is not a great influences) and puberty seems to be arriving a little early. When he starts in we do remind him of the house rules and what is expected. As SS has gotten older DH has been more active with his behavior issues and has become more supportive, because he has to be. We have been giving him more space, it is what he seems to want. An example of this is bed time. We told him that he can chose his bedtime but that he is expected to get up in the morning with everyone else. AKA... if you stay up till 4am you are gonna regret it the next day when you have to be ready to go at 8am. Sometimes he seems like his "normal self" and others not. Good-luck!

HeatherM's picture

Submitted by HeatherM on Mon, 07/05/2010 - 12:42pm

My BS is 13... I would say it's normal. I see all of his friends do it too... they've got this "I'm too cool for school" attitude... I ignore it. I was probably the same.

jellyabean's picture

Submitted by jellyabean on Thu, 09/23/2010 - 7:27am

thanks everyone for your comments, it really has made me feel better, his bm went on holiday with her friends a few weeks ago and so my ss came to stay for a week, it went great, we were able to get in a proper routine and he knew my boundries, things were great, It felt like he able to make his own opinion about me without the influence of his bm and I think he agreed i was fair with him. fingers crossed things are looking up!!! you wouldn't believe i've been with my dh for 6 years and we still have stuff like this going on!! ha ha Thanks guys

Jillbrya's picture

Submitted by Jillbrya on Thu, 09/23/2010 - 9:15am

I have a step daughter that's 12 and my own daughter who is 14. Trust me when I say this it is ALL teenager's. The difference is it just irritate's us more when it's not our kid!! I know it sound's awful but it's true. I do also believe that the Step kid does try the power struggle a little more than the bio kid, but all teen's are gonna push to see how much they can get away with.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 09/23/2010 - 11:02am

I have to say that IMHO it is all teenagers. That is part of growing up. Flexing their wings and countering their parents.

This is why the species in in jeopardy. It is difficult to overcome the urge to strangle the snarky little shits. }:)

I know that I barely escaped the strangling grasp of my folks when I was a snarky teen.

Best regards,

grayskies's picture

Submitted by grayskies on Thu, 09/23/2010 - 10:25am

i think its all teenagers. however, everything changes with the step parenting aspect. the "orange juice" incident would have never happened in our house if i were a bio parent, i'm sure of that. i would have said the exact same thing to ss17 (don't drink it all, be considerate to others) and life would have gone on as usual. but because we don't have full parental authority, it becomes a huge issue. the sm gets blamed for "being too hard" on the skids. skids repeat the same behavior because now they know they can....