Not Interested in Stepson
Hi All. I am new and just need a place to unload. I feel so damn alone and no one seems to understand. I stumbled on this site and hopefully you can relate 
I have no interest in spending time alone with my stepson. He is 10. My husband and I have been together for 4 years. We have no kids of our own and my husband has been divorced from his ex for about 6 years.
I don't speak to his ex wife. I thought parents looked out for the best interest of their kids, that was until I became a step parent. My stepsons mother is mostly normal, except when it comes to her son or me, then she is an unreasonable monster. She gives off the impression that she is mother of the year in public, but couldn't really give a damn about the boy. He is a little god and everyone must worship at his feet.
The kid isn't bad, but I have no interest in spending time alone with him. He annoys me. He is entitled, untidy and a know it all. I can live with it mostly...
I don't have kids and never wanted any. Recently, my husband has had to pick up night shifts on the weekend and had an EXPECTATION that I will watch the kid over night. He gets his son Every other weekend and overnight on a Wednesday. If he is home, I have no problems with him watching the kid. If he is not here, what is the point of having the kid over?
Example, tonight. He has to leave home at 18h30. He will pick up his son at 18h00 because biomom wants to take the kid out. Normally he fetches the kid at 16h30 and is home over night. So tonight my husband will fetch his son, drop him at home and go to work. As usual, the kid would not have had dinner and would need a bath. So that falls to me. The kid at 10 is not capable of running is own bath because his mom doesn't allow it... So effectively I have a baby... Dad spends no time with kid at all but he is with Dad for visitation... Tomorrow when my husband is asleep I have to serve this useless kid breakfast, pick out his clothes and generally keep him busy. Sure he spends time with his son tomorrow during the day, but it's the same story when he works overnight.
I am frustrated because I become the babysitter for this kid. Dad is working and he can not stay with his Mom because it's her weekend off and she wants to attend "singles night" because she recently split from her boyfriend.
Everybody I talk too- especially people with their own kids- seem to say, suck it up! Help your husband and the kid's mother deserves some time off... I feel like saying "fuck that, it's their kid", they can make a plan! His horrid mother can watch her own son rather than whoring around town and my husband doesn't have to do extra shifts ... This is not my kid. I don't like him and resent that I am stuck with him. It shouldn't be my issue to deal with: I didn't create this kid and should not be forced to deal with him because his parents have better things to do.
I am tired of hearing my stance on this is unreasonable. I am just frustrated beyond words!
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Comments
You're not at ALL
You're not at ALL unreasonable. You got into a relationship to have a relationship, NOT to provide free child care to BM! Next time your SO pulls this crap, just say, "Who are you getting to watch SS?" He will, of course, say he thought YOU would do it. Look startled and say, "Me? No, I'm going out. If you'd asked earlier that would be one thing, but I'm not cancelling my plans at this late date. Better call your Mom or tell BM you can't take him."
Thanks everyone for your
Thanks everyone for your comments and welcome. It is such a relief to know I am not insane over this issue.
I think that visitation should be refused when my husband is not able to care for his kid, unless I agree to be there to look after him. Also, intact families don't "deserve a break" from their kids, why is this the case with divorced parents?
I have tried teaching my stepson to run his own shower or to at least get his own cereal, but between visitations it all goes out the window. And he is quick to say, "Mom says I am not allowed to." I feel his Mom controls him by stifling any independence and that to me is remarkably cruel. My stepson is happy to play along in this game and be a mommy's boy.
"My mom says I am not allowed
"My mom says I am not allowed to"
With this comment I would reply, in this house you are allowed and if you don't run your own bath you wont have one. Same with cereal.
My DD is 10 and she can cook food, bathe herself, entertain herself etc without my help. There are some things she cant do or needs supervision with but I think she was bathing herself years ago.
You won't hear me saying to
You won't hear me saying to suck it up. I am with you all the way.
If dad is not there and able to care for his son, son stays with BM.
I never wanted kids, either, and although my SD was a good kid, she was not my responsibility. I watched her ONE time for a few hours that my DH had to work on a Saturday. And I was asked, it was not just a given.
You are going to have to put an end to this and you're going to get some resistance.
Lots of people here have
Lots of people here have these same issues. It may be hard to do at first but start being honest with you partner, just tell him what you told us. The child is too dependent and immature and its taking its toll on you. Maybe dad should just be picking up his boy when he has time to spend with him? He is not there to visit you or be catered to by you. As far as the boy goes, this line works well at our house. "My mom says.....blah blah, ok well different homes different rules, over here we do it this way." Then do not argue or justify it. It is what it is. In our house we do it this way.