SD Is Arriving Tomorrow Night

My stepdaughter (35) and her husband are arriving in our town tomorrow night to see her Dad and me. She has asked to see us both about the sale of the house we live in. She owns it. (I talked about this in my earlier blogs.)

I am very nervous because I don't know her and have never met her. She is coming for a "friendly visit" tomorrow night after dinner, so it will be around 7pm. My husband's other daughters are also coming along with their husbands and children. They are also not coming for dinner, but each one of the girls has said that they will bring some cake or snacks.

In two ways this makes me uncomfortable. I am happy to provide cake or snacks for them. However the girls have said that because it's 10 extra people they will do it. I know I should not feel bad, but it feels like these people are coming to my home and taking over while they play family reunion with my husband. He hasn't seen his daughter in almost 8 months. Golden child comes home and I get sidelined. Also the "friendly meeting" feels like my middle stepdaughter is scoping out the competition first. She wants to meet me and have a look see around her house. We have a meeting over the house on Saturday at 11 in the morning.

My husband says I am over reacting. He says his daughter wants to meet me first on a friendly basis so no one is under pressure. This is hard because the house sale meeting will be in the back of my mind. She is staying at a hotel and not having dinner with us so that she doesn't impose herself on us. She is apparently giving us privacy in our home and giving me space. The girls are also trying to help me because they are all coming and with the numbers, it's better that they all chip in with snacks because it's not my job to entertain them. I am not sure that I trust my husband's reading of the situation.

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Thank you another step. Yes,

Thank you another step. Yes, I am very anxious about these next few days. It's so hard to not know what is going to happen.

My preference is that we buy our own home together. We can not afford to buy the one we live in at the price my middle step child wants. It will be better for all concerned if we have our own home so we are not controlled by a child. I am going to push this option when we meet on Saturday.

Till then, I almost have no more nails to chew. My husband is happy to see his daughter, but he is not seeing how much stress this is for me.

Sally, I don't know what

Sally, I don't know what dream step children are, but other people seem worse off with rude and disrespectful children.

It is the house of my middle step child. She can sell it, but if she was a "dream" child she would consider letting us stay in the house.

I will also make snacks and play the gracious host. It makes me sad to think my efforts to welcome the middle child and her sisters with their families isn't good enough on its own. They can bring snacks too if it makes them happy.

Thank you HRNYC. I got some

Thank you HRNYC.

I got some harsh but sound advice from you in my last posts. I will talk to my husband tonight so that we are ready for his daughter on Saturday. Yes, she wants to sell the house at fair value and we can buy it at that price if we choose. It's not an affordable option. It will have to be something smaller.

Sounds pretty normal to me.

Sounds pretty normal to me. Guest offering to bring food, SD staying at a hotel to give you space.

I get that you are anxious about meeting her for the first time and the sale of the house, but Skids behavior doesn't seem disrespectful at all to me.

Jilly, town home or condo

Jilly, town home or condo lving can be awesome. My soon to be 8 year old son and I moved to a town home community 2 months ago and love it. Takes me an hour to clean my house, we have a beautiful out door pool that we are at several times a week, no yard work. It is awesome! Both BS and I love it because after working all day I am able to focus on him and enjoying life.

I can't stop wondering how

I can't stop wondering how the ol' guy got into this in the first place. Why would he sell his one daughter his home with out having it legally drawn up that he gets to live in the house until he died? At only sixty something, I'd think he would have included a clause addressing the event of a remarriage and still remain in home. Makes no sense. SD could die in a car crash tomorrow and SD's husband would inherit the home. Out on the street the old FIL could go.

I understand that, however I

I understand that, however I fail to see why he just didn't sell it and downsize at that time. Instead he lives there, gets married, moves wife in and continues to hold his hand out to his daughter (for the condo). I just can't picture how someone in their sixties (unless health is a major issue which OP hasn't mentioned) would put themselves basically as a dependent on their child for the next 20-30 years. I just don't personally know any 60-somethings that take advantage of their children to that extent. Family meetings at 62 as to where and how I'm
going to live next?

All the posts are lining up

All the posts are lining up so weird it's hard to tell who is responding to who. I'll respond to both BechersBrook and HRNYC.

BechersBrook, no I don't think the father is a mooch. I just would never involve my children in my financial business to the extent he is allowing his daughter in. I guess I'm just too independent and believe my children should be taking care of my grandchildren, education, and their own savings for retirement. That and I wouldn't want to live in the big ol' family house if I were remarrying after 35yrs of marriage with all the memories and feelings lurking in every corner.

HRNYC...with all the dramtics from the OP and her family moving in and making expectations on him , if I were the guy I'd likely call my daughter and beg her to put the house on the market so I could move into a small place (I purchased myself)where I had no room for my new wife's houseguest and wouldn't leave my daughter hanging on to the investment. The SD lives miles away, she doesn't need or want the old big house and as long as he's living in it she feels a sense of obligation. I'd free her of it while freeing myself of the possibility of the never ending house guest.

The SD may have changed her

The SD may have changed her mind when the OP moved her grown son into the house.

No only is the OP living in the SD's house for free, her son is there as well. Can you blame the SD for saying enough?

MarieJeanne, read the OP's

MarieJeanne, read the OP's first two blogs.

While I agree that the SD should not make any decisions for the father/OP, the OP has been advised repeatedly for her husband and herself to purchase their own living accommodations and/or to review fully the options the SD is offering her father and the options DH is offering OP. The SD owns the home because her father couldn't afford to live/maintain the big old family home himself. SD paid him fair market value. The SD has decided (yes, a year ago the father remarried and the OP has since moved into the home her adult son and has her grandchildren over routinely)she is going to put the home up for sale. Her father wants to do this. He is debating now whether or not to allow his daughter to purchase him and the OP a condo so Dad/OP's retirement income/savings isn't affected. Dh was all for it. OP is hesitant and rightly so.

Keeping the current big old family home is not an option. The father and OP do not have to have the daughter in on anything about where/how they plan to buy/rent. The daughter is offering. It is between the DH and OP as to what they decide to do together from here. I doubt the SD would even be coming for this 'business' discussion if it were not for the fact she may be the one buying the condo. The SD did not attend the couple's wedding as the wedding date was set for the same time that the SD annually travels out of the country. This is the first time the daughter has been back to visit at all, not just about not meeting the OP going on here.

The Dh and the OP can't even (so far) come to terms on a condo if the daughter has nothing to do with it. He wants no guest room. OP wants guest room. Dh wants x amount from OP to contribute, OP doesn't know if that's 'fair'.....on and on it goes. No, all we know about the SD is what the OP has told us. The SD may well be a witch who rides on a broom. Doesn't really matter. The Dh and Op have the ability to provide their own home/condo/ rental. They have chosen to have the SD involved in this. For whatever reason the SD has decided what, she has decided she is selling the current house. No, no one here knows exactly why, the bottomline here it is hers to do so. The father got himself into this when he agreed to sell the home for fair market value to the daughter instead of another buyer and just downsizing his living accommodations at that time. He made the choice to involve his daughter.

(shrugs) perhaps it had

(*shrugs*) perhaps it had something to do with this:

RED ALERT!

BAD, LIFE-CHANGING IDEA!

SKID (AND POSSIBLE DH) MANIPULATION AHEAD!

If the SD is spending her

If the SD is spending her money,then hell yeah she should get a vote.

It's pretty clear that the OP is looking for a free ride.

I've made my opinion clear

I've made my opinion clear since my first comment on OP's initial post on this topic. I have not changed my mind nor have I arrived at a different conclusion that Jilly is for real.

Being you asked, I'll answer. I'm much more concerned with Jilly's sense of self entitlement and feigned offense than any genuine attempt of manipulation from Queenie.

ETA this appears currently as response to Disney when it is actually meant to respond to MarieJeanne.

Sounds like the kids were

Sounds like the kids were raised right. They are alot of them, so they are helping with bringing snacks. I am liking these kids.

As to the housing, it would be best for you and your husband to split the cost of a lovely condo. I live in one and love it. Easy maintenance, easy cleaning and a great view. Love it.

Be kind, confident and yourself. Your husband feel in love with you. I have a strong feeling these kids want their dad happy. Let them see the person thier dad loves, not an insecure person overly thinking everything. Let go and let god.

Tell us how it went.

I think you have to envision

I think you have to envision your goal here. What do you want tomorrow night to look like? Do you want it to be about fun, family, friendship? If so, what can you do to achieve that goal?

Seems like you're worried because you have no control. All the things you've listed are all complaints about feeling not in control for one reason or another. So take back some control! Take some action - ANYTHING - that will help you achieve your goal for the evening. Go buy some snacks. Or make them. Have some games or movies for the kids. Set up tables and chairs so everyone can sit together, or more cozy groups of 3-4.

You said, "it feels like these people are coming to my home and taking over while they play family reunion". It's your home, and therefore YOUR party! Figure out what you want it to be, and then DO THAT! I bet you can even enjoy it!

Edited to add: Oh, and it also sounds like you're afraid you'll be the outsider. Now THAT you can talk to your DH about and likely get some support! "DH, I'm nervous about tomorrow. I want to feel like part of the family, and I want to make sure everyone has a good time and enjoys my company. Do you think you can help me feel comfortable? Maybe stick with me for a bit while I find my social feet?"

#1 - It is not YOUR home. It

#1 - It is not YOUR home. It is SD's. You should be GRATEFUL that she allowed you to live there rent free as long as she did.
#2 - Get your GROWN son out from under your ass. It's disgusting and you'e teaching him NOTHING.
#3 - Expecting DH to fund a home for you and your GROWN SON is pathetic. He has made you VERY generous offers, you should offer to put 30% down on the condo instead of moaning about the 20%.
#4 - I have hosted family get-togethers with over 45 people and haven't expected ANYONE to bring anything but an appetite. If you want to impress the SD, what you SHOULD do is get your ass to a supermarket and pick up a few delicious cheeses, grapes, aged meats, crackers and French bread. Set out some olives, a few dishes of fresh olive oil for dipping, some jams and make a big batch of a summer cocktail. Something easy like a sparkling lemonade. (Store bought lemonade and pour in a few bottles of inexpensive bubbly) Make that house sparkle and light some scented candles and make them all feel like they are HOME.

You sound entitled and it's giving me an ugly vibe and ask anyone here, I am never nasty or mean to anyone, but you Miss Jilly need an attitude adjustment.

ETA: She isn't scoping out any competition, darling. There is NO competition. She is coming to sell her house as she has EVERY RIGHT to do so.

Unfreakingreal, I seriously

Unfreakingreal, I seriously need you to come host a party at MY house! All that sounds lovely!! I'm actually having family over this weekend, and I'm totally using these ideas. I was going to put out bowls of chips and call it a day, but I like the picture you painted SO much better)