What these Daddeees think
%You've heard me rant over and over about SD62, her thefts, her lies,, her jailings, her last catastrophic stay with us when she stole from us and scared us with her weird, dangerous druggie behavior. We':ve been subsidizing her living elsewhere for the past 6 years and it's been worth every penny not to have her here.
I admit I can't forgive and forget and probably have PTSD. Every time she comes over, I'm nervous. She calls DH86 when she needs $, has car trouble or anytime she can't handle reality.
Like so many of us Steptalk, I can see what's happening and predict what will happen. The 4th Wednesday of the month when he gets Social Security? You can plan on her calling with a $ emergency, like she did yesterday. Says she will be here on a particular day and time when he asks her to do something, like cut his hair? You can plan on her not showing, or if so, late. I learned long ago that talking to him is useless.
Today, she was supposed to be here (4th Wednesday) but she neither called nor showed up. We had a lot going on and he spent much time yesterday thinking how we could rearrange our schedule to accommodate her.
These last few weeks, he's been saying, "She's always done so much for me so I don't mind (paying over and over for her stupid mistakes). She's the only one who cares about me". He forgets that the other 4 kids do things for him, too.. She did do for him back in the day when she was more stable but these past few years, very unreliable with the prime example being the night 2 years ago when we were stranded on a highway with car trouble and he called her repeatedly with no answer.
So, if youre wondering why your SO doesn't see the SKs faults, its them thinking, "SK did/ does so much for me", even if it was 30 years ago, like it was with SD62. Any excuse will do to maintain the facade and the rose-colored glasses.
- JRI's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Ugh. It's so frustrating.
Ugh. It's so frustrating. This sort of dysfunction runs so deep, and the people involved (bio parent and bio kid) don't want it to change...so it doesn't.
We':ve been subsidizing her
IF I ever had to deal with adult feral step kids again in the future (which is highly unlikely due to incapable single dads with live in feral kids giving me PTSD) I would rather pay for them to "live elsewhere" than disturb my peace in my own home and risk getting into petty squabbles with a dude over his lackadaisical parenting style.
Ugh. I'd be tempted to get a
Ugh. I'd be tempted to get a huge white board... or perhaps those giant easel papers... and draw a line down the center, dividing it into 2 columns. On one side write "DH" and on the other "SD62".
Then every time he does something for her write it under his name: "gave SD62 $ for ___" ... "Paid $ for SD62 rent January 2024" ... "Drove SD62 to court" ... "Bailed SD62 out of jail to the tune of $" ... Paid SD62 $ to change the toilet paper roll"
ect ect.
In her column? Well that list would be pretty small wouldn't it? In fact I bet your DH would be about 10 pages in before her first column was a quarter full.
Maybe seeing it all written down on paper in real time would make it sink in.
Then when he starts in with his "all she does for me blah blah blah" you can walk him over and speed through all the pages like the world's largest flip book.
Thos geriatric step-spawn
Thos geriatric step-spawn does what she gets paid to do and no more. The bare minimum of menial chores you could assign an 11-year-old coupled with just enough a$$-kissing to keep the gravy flowing. One of the worst talked about on this site.
ETA sorry. I've been trying not to be "negative", but this b-word pisses me off. JRI does not deserve to be continually haunted by this person. She's the worst kind of parasite.
Oh she's probably
Oh she's probably overcompensated for what she does, I'm sure. Like I said... paid $$ to change a toilet paper roll. It's easy to see she relies on her elderly father waaaay more than he needs her. In fact, he's the only reason she's not living out of a cardboard box.
Yes, JRI is in a tough spot. She loves her husband and is trying to be supportive of him and his feelings towards his good -for-nothing daughter but not a single soul would blame her if she got fed up one day and told him "enough!".
Thanks for the support, everybody
I accept she's his daughter and he will never let her fall thru the cracks. I even respect him for not giving up on her long ago.
All I want is peace. I don't ever want to see her or hear her voice again but that's not possible now. I want her here as seldom as possible. If he chooses to give her money from his "allowance", that's his business. I hate to see this good man be told she will be here, then never show up or call so that he makes excuses for her. I hate to hear her lie to him.
Things should heat up next week. Her court date for the credit card scam is January 31. I told him he'd be getting his $500 bail back (don't really know how that works) but I coulld tell he thinks she will scam him out of it somehow. Stay tuned.
Thanks, all, for your support, it does help.
I think
SD has meltal health problems. At 62 she is not going to change or seeing hurting people isn't nice. She needs money and will anything in that time to get it. And tomorrow is tomorrow, The big question is. If SD isn't going to change. And your her safety blanket. And you will not let her fall through the cracks. How are you going to change anything. I have been there and still have no answers. You don't want to give them money because it will go to drinking and drugs first. Not to rent ,food
At this point the rose
At this point the rose colored glasses are permanently affixed on DH's face. Like you, makes me a little crazy but I move on.
yesterday DH says to me, "It's SD's birthday this week." I just said "ok." Remember, this is the SD who isn't speaking to him and we still don't know why. Their only communication is on Fakebook, where he responds "beautiful" or "the best" or some other superlative on all her posts (really important topics like new dress, new haircut, etc.) sometimes followed by some groveling. It is wildly unattractive, but I say nothing.
You are a saint
That would make me sooooooo mad.
Im sorry you are having to hear this cripe.
I wouldn't try to remove his
I wouldn't try to remove his rose colored glasses necessarily.. but I wouldn't let him give the other kids who have helped short shrift..
"oh honey.. you know the other kids do a lot for us too.. we have to give credit where credit is due!"
Last week DW's shelf and
Last week DW's shelf and closet rod/rack fell off of the wall in our closet. I had to do a Home Depot run to get supplies and a couple of tools to fix it. As I left HD a woman approached me with a story about her kids not having food and could I help. I asked her to stay where she was and I would be right back. I put the purchases in my trunk and returned to the woman handing her a $20 and told her I hope it helped and get her kids some food.
She meandered off across the parking lot. I truly hope she was going to get her kids some food. My guess it, she bought herself a rock of crack and sparked up.
I wish I was not so jaded. But.... far more likely than not, there were no kids.
If we had a waste of skin kidult child, as hard as it might be, I believe that DW and I would not flush resources down that shit hole. My ILs have been destitute periodically and we have never given any of them a Cent. We have had food supplied delivered, paid a tire shop for new tires, mounting and balancing with the firm agreement with the tire shop that if the ILs backed out of the tires that the refund went directly to our credit card, etc...
DW will not give her own family a Cent of actual money. For years she would not even give then gift cards to prevent the from buying something then returning it for cash.