I guess I should thank God for my situation. It's my three boys who live in our home with us, and DH's two children are grown (SD lives with mom, and SS lives with his girlfriend and on their own).

I do feel for you, as I tell DH often - I don't know how you can be around someone else's kids every day and not loose it.

I remember working at McDonald's one summer for extra cash while I was an adult. I worked with several teens and just those few hours about drove me nuts.

My recommendations would be: 1. Get away and pray for the strength. Pray for God to let you see SD through His eyes. (if you're a believer that is - if not, I am not trying to offend). 2. Everynight before bed, write down three things about SD that you like, appreciate, or made you smile that day. (Sometimes I think we consume our thoughts with one bad thought rolling into a huge "situation").

Hope this helps - and may God Bless you for what you are going through....

I'm probably not the best person to give my two cents right now..
I do have a couple of suggestions that may sound funny but they're necessary

1.Start a secret "plastic surgery" fund for yourself...after dealing with being a stepmother you will need a lift when you're old.
2.Read Stepmonster
3.Ask your DH to read Stepmonster
4.Put a padlock on your closet door
5.Speak to the BM as little as humanly possible
6.Start searching for a reputable therapist and keep their number on speed dial
7.Stake out an area of your home that belongs to JUST YOU and forbid anyone to set foot in your area.

Now with those things out there in the open... you are now in for the daunting task of finding common ground with your SD. You will not survive if you think of her as the child of Exwife or "this is the product of something DH had BEFORE me."
The only way you can open yourself up to this child is to think of her as simply that, "A child." Not "HER child" just simply a little girl who is just like every other little girl. When you look at her, don't see the BM...see your DH in her. Ask her about herself and push the conversation away from talks about BM or DH...make it all about the two of you and finding common interests. Maybe she likes similar things that you liked when you were her age? Maybe she has a great sense of humor? Maybe she's creative or thoughtful? Who cares who her mother is...

These are easier said than done...but practice would help

I hope you stop beating yourself up...

"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”

What is going on? How long have you been married? How old is the Step Child? Is she living with you or no?

I don't know enough about your situation to offer any advice. All these factors make a difference.

Having a baby does not make you a mother.

You don't have to instantly love a Step-Child. You have gotten involved with their parent and sometimes it takes time to grow to love them - just like in any other relationship.

Don't beat yourself up about it. It takes time for a bond to form and grow into love for a child that is not yours in some cases.

Hell, sometimes it can take a really long time if there is drama in your home surrounding this situation and outside the home if the BM is acting stupid.

I agree with what BitchBitchBarbie said. Stake your place in your home.

You may grow to love the SD and then again you may not. As long as you can tolerate her - things may work out. If you can't tolerate her at all - then it will be a sore spot for you as long as she is not grown and still comes around.