Back to School - Open house - WWYD?
We have had a situation arise that I would welcome opinions.
My SS12 has his open house tomorrow afternoon. Normally the BM doesn't always go my DH does. But, with the court case she is on her best behavior. She has custody this week. DH wants to take SS to the open house. He is very active with homework and teachers. BM never has been. She basically can't be bothered to even clean out his back pack at the end of the year. DH asked for it back last week to check status of it. I cleaned it out and found food in it from last year. Gross. So now, he sent an email that he wants to take SS to the open house. She emails back that they will be there and he can come if he wants. He asked me what to do? My suggestion is to go with her or ask for her to do it and then he can do it with him right after. Telling her that with everything going on that she initiated DH is no longer comfortable doing these things with her.
He has decided to go with her, since he knows she is uncomfortable with him face to face. His plan is to go with the meetings with the teachers and make sure they know to contact him if their is a problem and that he is the one that does the homework and stays on top of SS. He has tendency to do the homework and not turn it in. Manages A and B's. Capable of all A's. If DH wasn't on top of this it would be C's. She never does. My comment to him, was go since he wants to be involved and if you get a little personal satisfaction out of making her uncomfortable, great. He enjoyed the idea of making sure she hears him telling the teacher that his house is the one that the homework is done at and that the communication level between the two houses is not great. Thanks to her and her keeping secrets.
I would love to be a bug on the wall as he introduces himself to the teachers. He handles himself well and if he is actually mocking you, you usually don't realize it until later. I wish I had that quality. My hope is that she is uncomfortable especially after two weeks ago and she threatened me on VM for letting SS sleep.
Just curious what all of you think about the parents doing the open house together especially in the middle of this custody case.
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Comments
Well yeah, he should go,
Well yeah, he should go, there is no reason that a teacher shouldn't see 2 concerned parents (I know from what you said it's 1 but from the teachers perspective) And if he gets a couple of well disguised jabs in, well all the better. I respect the way you are handling this, good for you!
I usually steer clear of
I usually steer clear of situations that I haven't been through myself, but I just wanted to throw in here that if he wants to stay active in his son's education, I think thats great and he should go, but just make sure that he's not focusing too much on one-upping BM to the teachers, or the point of the open house-which is to facilitate communication for the sake of the child- will be lost.
I wish he would. Good thing
I wish he would. Good thing is he is really good at doing those things subtly. She won't know. This woman is sneaky and the benefit to him going is that he will make sure it is our address and email that are used for communication from the school. We have the legal custody. She will not do it unless he was there. Also, his son won't be paying attention, trust me.
Trust me this is a Dad who
Trust me this is a Dad who focuses on education. He loves being a Dad. He will be able to do both. His son is his entire life right now. I asked if he wanted to go to the open house for SD14, he said no. I asked are you still really angry with her or can you get past that to be involved. He said I am still angry, but I recognize that she is still just a teenager and making a mistake. He blames the BM for all of this.
We have custody of SS12 half the time and unfortunately he is only encouraged on our weeks to do homework. I think it is fine to make sure the teachers are aware of it. Also, this is nothing he hasn't asked her to do in the past.
If he can make her feel like an idiot after what she is putting us through financially and emotionally, I am all for it. This woman has caused this and has had no culpability. Since I can't say anything to her now, I will take the small glories where I can get them. He needs to feel like he is at least getting small victories with her, since we know we can't get the large one....full custody of SD14.
He doesn't do that. He just
He doesn't do that. He just wants to make it clear that he is involved and that all communication needs to go to him and her since communication is a real issue. I don't think any teacher in this day and age will misunderstand that given the divorce rate and think a Dad that is involved is full of crap. "Really"
This is not a "Disney Dad". Would have been easier for SD14 if he was. She is a "Disney Mom".
Won't matter what they think
Won't matter what they think tomorrow. What matters is where we will be in 3 months with the teachers and they are trying to understand SS ADD and how best to work with him. We have been here before. Last time, they stopped even trying to talk to BM and only talked to DH, because he was obviously the only one who was staying on top of the situation. They have had to do a "team meeting" with BM and DH an ultimately led to DH doing all the talking and ultimately he is the one who made sure that the grades went from the C's to the A/B. I assure you this is a guy who is very involved and not full of crap.
HELL YES HE SHOULD GO!!! He
HELL YES HE SHOULD GO!!! He is the primary nurturing parent and he is the one who supports his kid's educational endeavors.
If BM is uncomfortable with that, that his her choice and so be it.
Best regards.
I don't think it is my place
I don't think it is my place to go. We went together one year, only because my son's was a year ahead of SD and they were at the same time. So it was convenient and we went off and met back up. Kids loved it. But, that was before the wedding and all the stress with the BM and SD. If SS wanted me to go I would, but not if both parents are there. Not my place as long as both parents are active in the kids life.
We all go to Open House!!
We all go to Open House!! It's about the kid not the parents. BM has SS this time for the Open House, but DH, me, and my daughter will be there. The school needs to see that there is more than just 1 parent concerned about his education. If dad cares he should go, if you care you should go.
I help the kid with his homework, and make sure everything for school is done in a timely manner! I have every right to go. I also make an apts for dh and i to attend a parent teacher conference seperately from bm every time they have them. if i see a prob, i schedule an extra ptc during the year.