SD mouthy again!!
I have been disengaging well lately. Which is better for my marriage. However, last night SD13 was arguing with her dad while he was making dinner. Yes - I insisted on two nights a week that he is responsible for dinner on their week. He is distracted and she is working on him letting her go to her friends house friday through Sat. He was saying no because it is too long. To make this shorter she tries all the time to be gone on our weekend. She is allowed one night of the two at a friends or they come here. She was trying to do that and then in the morning go to another friends house for the whole day. He said no, because we have plans on Sat night that he made and all the kids were to be home. This is a first since we only go out normally on the week we have just my son. I have been venting about it and now he listened after 5 years and we are going to a make-up for dance class. This is his idea to help our marriage get back on track.
Well I am in my office working and I hear voices getting louder so I make an excuse to take recycling out and she is going through his phone looking at his calendar. I looked and said she is in your phone. If I did that, you would be all over me.
He yelled and she muttered something and told me that "this coversation doesn't include you". Well I was leaving the room and turned around and said "What did you say". She repeated it. He told her that wasn't neccessary.
I went off and said " My house and any conversation is my business" "You need to remember that you are the child and that we are the adults and you will not talk to us that way" Her reply; "Well you don't show me any respect, why should I". My reply is "you lost my respect over a year ago and you have to earn that back. By remembering your place in this house would help" I walked out of the room. I did not stay and argue. I left. It felt good not to get in a match with her.
My question is her statement that I don't respect her. How exactly am I supposed to respect her? She has used that statement before. I have never done anything to show disrespect. How is a 13 year old entitled to respect. Roof, food and clothes, yes. But, respect, no. I should have told her that she is not entitled to my respect. She gets that with age. I would have more reason to show it, if I did not have these countless arguments with her before giving up on not wearing flip flops in November and wearing a coat,picking up book bags and that we don't eat with salad forks. The list goes on and on.
Can I say again I really hate teenagers!!!
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I'm going to add another
I'm going to add another ALWAYS to that one!CP
Thanks for the comments. I
Thanks for the comments. I spent the first year in this house yelling about everything. Now they do pick up after themselves better. The flip flops and the coat issues, she whined to her therapist with my DH in the room about me and my rules. When the therapist asked what in particular they were that bothered her, it was the damn flip flops and wearing a jacket. The therapist told her to get over it, that was what all moms do. That felt so good when he said that back to me.
I think the respect is a word she banters around because someone said it to her. She is playing me and both times have told her that she lost it.
I tell my son all the time that when he pays the mortgage, he can dictate what happens in his room etc. Works on him.
As for the phone, I only made the comment so he would realize the double standard he has with her and everyone else. I used to let those things go, but I have stopped now and call it out when it is happening. It also is making the boys more aware that their is a double standard.
The wonderful teen years. I
The wonderful teen years. I hate them. SD14 has become extremely argumentative. She has spent her 8th grade life mostly grounded. It is her fault she is always grounded. She doesn't get it and she goes right back to giving attitude, lying and sneaking around. The latest with her was that she got caught skipping school with a friend she had NO business being with. Now supposedly this "friend" is going around spreading rumors about her that she wants to fight SD14. SD14 asked me what she should do. I told her that we warned her about this friend, she didn't listen to us so now she needs to suffer and face the consequences. I told her that she should go tell the Dean about what is going on and now she needs to IGNORE this friend and just laugh it off.
Now for the wanting a sleep over every weekend or wanting to hang out with her friends ALL the time I too had to put my foot down on that one. I refused and still do to be a taxi driver and drive her around to her friends houses all the time. It would be one thing if it was driving her around to extra-curricular activities I would have no problem with that. SD14 one weekend completely took advantage of SO. She had been told by me that she was grounded because she ended up getting a D on her math final. I went out of town that weekend. She decided to still ask her dad if she could go the skating rink and spend the night at her friends house Friday night. Then I found out that SD14 got to spend the night at her friends house Saturday night also. I was pissed at SO and SD14. She totally took advantage of her dad.
If your SD is going to argue her way with you and think that you guys are going to give in she is in for one rude awakening. I told SD14 (she lives with us full time) that if she gives us attitude during the week, does not do good in school or just plain and simple pisses us off to not even bother asking for favors. I too have told her "We are the adults you are the child and you need to respect us"
CP
He is more aware of his
He is more aware of his double standards at least. When I started pointing it out, he sees it and has been trying to not do it. The problem is she is a girl and then he plays that card too. When I asked about the weekend, he told me last week that he was letting her go to a friends. I said no problem, but that she was to stay home with the boys, if we went out the next night. He understood, but then that progressed to why should she be punished for being popular. If the boys had more of a social life, they would go. He is probably right, but if she was allowed to she would be gone the whole weekend. This kid needs some limitations. He keeps trying to set them, the problem is the BM allows her to go all weekend on her week.
As for the phone, I never check his phone. I wouldn't want him to check mine. But, we keep all the accounts separate, so why not our phones. When it has rang and I have offered to grab it for him, he has not wanted me to. So I found it incredulous that she could do it.
He would not do anything that would cause me to question him. Unless it is about the kids. Then all bets are off. I swear to god, my marriage would be nearly perfect, if we didn't have children.