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Snarky comments. What would you do?

June's picture

Submitted by June on Thu, 08/08/2013 - 8:52pm

So this question is only for stepparents who DO NOT have children of their own. I am only a Step-mother myself and do not have any children of my own. I have a step daughter who is only about 10 yrs younger then me. She lives across the country & we do not generally speaking have a relationship with her as she is older & doing her own thing now, but at one time we did. I also have two step sons who are 14 & 18 years younger then me. This is because my husband is 12 years older then me. I have a great relationship with my two step sons and I use to have a great relation ship with my step dtr before she moved away. I've spent so much of my life with these kids as I've been with my husband for over 10 years. I am very involved with there lives and it really hurts me when people just disregard me as a patent and say I'm Just a stepparent. Today at work someone made a comment in front of other co workers that I have kids- but they don't belong to me. Which I thought was so rude. Others have made comments that how could they respect me when I'm 'almost the same age as them'. People are just so rude about it. I'd like to hear what other people have had said to them about the same topic & how do you respond?

Comments

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Thu, 08/08/2013 - 9:01pm

I have a son but he's an adult and my skids aren't. I am often mistaken for "just a SM". It's hurtful and mean whether or not it is true.

Also, my Dad married my step-mom when I was in my mid-twenties. She was in her mid 30s. My dad is ten years older than her. (He was only 20 when I was born). I was and am thrilled for them. I can honestly say now that I LOVE my step mother. She's been a huge asset to my life and that of my extended family.

So ignore that crap. Only you know what your relationship is with them. I'd really just blow off the comments with "Well, perhaps you should advise my step-kids of that because we have a great relationship". They don't need to know details.

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Thu, 08/08/2013 - 9:01pm

Your coworkers suck. That's the real problem. I only talk to one person at work about my personal life, and she's very nice, doesn't judge me. She's a stepmom too, although she has kids. Everyone else, I keep my personal life to myself. Most of my coworkers, even my boss, they don't even know I'm living with a man with a teenage son. At least I think they don't know. It's hard to keep secrets at work, I know. But no one has ever been mean like that.

I am of a different mindset. I don't consider myself SS' parent, but I haven't known him very long. And he's already 16. So I don't want to be a parent, especially since SO gives me absolutely no authority with SS. I can't make him get a part time job, I can't reduce his allowance because he hasn't done all his chores. I cannot even decide which chores he should do. So if I get no authority, then I feel like I have no obligation. I would of course, help him if there was something really urgent or an emergency, but on a day to day basis, I do nothing for him.

I'm sorry you have to endure those insults. If I think of a good comeback I'll let you know.

And yes, I used to get asked all the time 'Do you have kids?' When they want to see if I'll relate to being a parent. I'm used to it, and now that everyone knows I don't have kids, they don't ask. Just something I have to live with.

Anywho78's picture

Submitted by Anywho78 on Thu, 08/08/2013 - 11:14pm

As a FT (351 +/- 7 days per year) custodial SM to SS10 & SD9, I've had women say this same thing to me. I'm a student & the other "mature" students/SAH mom's had PLENTY of catty comments about them having a "REAL mom's club"...yeah...they didn't include me...boo. I did have my share of retorts with one particular "BM" but she was a piece of work...the mom issue just made her even more annoying.

At the end of the day, no, you didn't spawn your Skids. Okay. But you parent them when they are in your home.

In my situation, my Skids BM is a true POS. She called/skyped with them FOUR times between September & July. I kid you not. THAT is how much interest she shows in her own children. I don't care if I spawned them or not...hell, I don't view them as my own either but at the end of the day, I care for them like they were my own, I care for their spiritual, physical and emotional needs.

Just because you didn't spawn doesn't mean that you have no idea where a BP is coming from. Just because you didn't birth anyone/thing (depending on the situation), doesn't make you less of a person.

I myself am a dog person so I tend to pipe in with my dog stories with those kind of people...while their blathering on about how "little Johnny or Suzy whatever." I find it very entertaining. }:)

Other than that, I'd personally keep my Step stories to a minimum at work...they don't get it & it's none of their business anyway.