When do teen skids stop visiting?
Hi, I have 2 teen skids and they live in another state and are with us EOW. We are at the point where I leave MY home EOW because I cannot stand to be around these kids nor watch my husband act like a pathetic fool waiting for his kids to pay attention to him. They aren't rude or dirty or mean. They are nothing. They do and say nothing all weekend long except for staring at their phones all day. I hate it when they are here. It brings no one any joy - not them, not my DH and definitely not me. I don't know why any of them bother but they do....
At what age to most skids stop visiting EOW? I want my life back. It has to be soon right?
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Wants to see them? No. Sees
Wants to see them? No. Sees them because it is the right thing to do and he never wants his kids to look back and say "My dad didn't see us".
He admits his kids suck too.
That's not the issue. Obviously they do not know then are old enough to NOT some here and actually have a say. They are 13 and 14. I just want to know if anyone has had steps hit a certain age and stop coming for their EOW visits. It' not like they are close to their father. It's like they all just go through the motions every weekend.
"Most teenagers suck. That's
"Most teenagers suck. That's just how they are."
I've been around plenty of teens who were charming and fun to be around. It depends totally on how the parents raise them. I've heard Temple Grandin, the famous autistic woman, say "My parents didn't let me sit in the corner banging my head!" (Public Service Announcement: not everyone can get the same results Temple did. The spectrum is mysterious. This comment is not meant to be about autism but about what any parent can do to set standards.)
Most normal range kids can be taught the social graces and be expected to use them. Gnarly teen behavior that drives you nuts should be no more than about 15% of the time. The teen years can be fun, energetic, positive and enjoyable for everyone.
BUT THE PARENTS HAVE TO START YOUNG AND SET THOSE EXPECTATIONS!!!!!!!
Kids are not "interesting" if
Kids are not "interesting" if they are not raised to be interesting people. Sounds like some real lazy parenting going on in their lives.
Take the EOW opportunity to show these kids how great the world can be. Get them out there! Go explore!!
I have no idea how his
I have no idea how his relationship with these kids has gotten so dysfunctional. I have been around less than 3 years. He has been divorced for several years and I am sure this is how the kids act at their BM house too. She's a lazy BM and unfortunately the 4 days a month doesnt give my DH enough to make a change in these kids and YES he has tried on many occasions to do things with the kids and still does sometimes. I do not because they dont enjoy anything. They are miserable, anti-social unpleasant little people to be around, They dont laugh, they dont interact, hell they hardly smile.
My DH is a wonderful man who
My DH is a wonderful man who basically beats himself senseless trying to be a good parent to his kids who are totally unresponsive and act as if he is the least important person in the world. Their mother lets them sit on their ass 26 days a month in their rooms hiding from the world so it's a little ridiculous for us to expect them to be all-American well rounded kids when they arrive at our house instead of the little slugs they are.
That wasn't even my issue. I just wanted to know if anyone has a timeline example of when their skids stopped visiting.
I was hoping they would STOP coming before they drive - hell the are both so lazy they may not drive until they are adults b/c neither will want to get a job as a teen.
"Your DH might be a wonderful
"Your DH might be a wonderful man to you, but he's not being the most wonderful father."
THIS
Yup - this
Yup - this
How do you know what goes on
How do you know what goes on in BM's home?
My son's friend started
My son's friend started fighting going to his dad's when he was 14. The parents still made him go, however.
My skids act very similar to yours. DH sees them six days a month so I understand where you are coming from. You can't make any real changes in such a short amount of time. DH has to make the kids do things even when they say they don't want to. I'm not sure it does any good. I think it will be up to your DH (and mine) when he decides he doesn't want to do it anymore. He doesn't have to exercise his visitation. It is going to be up to him. It is highly likely that BM will fight it as well since it will take away from her kid-free time.
sd14 rarely comes here and
sd14 rarely comes here and fights it at any given opportunity. Usually she uses excuses and never comes out to say that she doesn't want to come. Pretty much she's only been here about 2-3 times in year so far. Now we have to go on vacation and stuff with her a few times as well. Still it's way better than having her come here and be a spoiled brat the entire time.
Perhaps they stare at their
Perhaps they stare at their phone screens because they realize their step mother hates the fact that they are there and can't wait for them to stop visiting. You sound like a real pleasure to be around. If you have any influence in these kids life, why not make it a positive one? You have acknowledged that they aren't rude, mean, or dirty. Can you say the same about yourself? What life do you want back? The one that you had before you married their father? How about reading a book on how to interact with kids and make a difference, instead of contributing to the down fall of our society. That would be an interesting approach.