You certainly are not over sensitive.  If H is saying you are, he is gaslighting you.  Sadly he and the BM have failed parenting their brood.  Sounds just like everyone else here on this forum with entitled, bratty, selfish unempathetic stepkids.  All taught these anti social behaviors by their parents who failed to train them. 

You have an H problem.  For him to stand up for you at this late date obviously will rock the boat that he and the BM have launched.  He Would have to come to the realization that he and the BM have created monsters that have no moral or spiritual compass.  Then he has to come to the conclusion that his brood is a lost cause and to support you fully at the risk of almost certain abandonment by his now grown ferals. 

A very tall task.  Sometimes that happens but mostly it doesn't because blood is thicker than water.  And because these "parents" don't want to admit their fault.

Eight years is not a lot of time to hit the reset button.  I would examine to see if H and his horrid previously enjoyed family is worth the. Degradation of your emotional and physical health.

No.. you aren't wrong for being upset at her being so disrespectful.  at this point.. you are free to disengage.  (don't use those words with your DH.. just "do it").

What does this mean with adult SKids?  It means that you neither care if you get an.. nor do you accept their invitations..   You do not ban your husband from having a relationship with his problematic child.. but you do not have to set yourself into the line of fire.  As long as his contact with her is not overwhelming? sure.. he can go meet up for a walk occasionally.. or they can meet for lunch.. or talk on the phone a few times a week.  Just because you don't have a connection with her.. does not mean he does not have to.  

I would hope.. but based on past experience.. it's doubtful, that he would defend you and not allow her to speak poorly of you.. but in the end.. she is his kid.. and even if you are being the bigger person.. you don't have to participate.

No need to go to her wedding.. or buy her presents.. or do anything.. he wants to see her.. he goes to her.. she does not come to the house..

And.. at this point.. you need to cultivate this mindset.. why care about people that don't care about you?  why allow unpleasant people take up space in your head.. if your DH brings her up.. change the subject.. if he pushes you.. you can state your boundary is not to be treated like crap.. and that he can say his daughter is joking.. but jokes are only funny llike that if everyone including the butt of the joke is on good terms.. and clearly from  his daughter's perspective.. you are not on friendly terms.. so it's time for you to be allowed to bow out and be the bigger person by not participating in the drama.

Of course you aren't being oversensitive. Don't let them gaslight you. The one time you hang out with her in years, she puts BM on video chat, turns it to you, and calls you "the old b!tch." Even if it were a joke it would be a cruel one. Be done with her. I'm mad at your husband for allowing you to be treated that way. 

First, you are not wrong and any stepkid (or anyone for that matter), that referred to me as an "old bitch" would be put on my "do not contact" list.  Disengagement is your friend. And I suggest you get back to your counselor on this issue. Your DH is an asshole for not standing up and saying something and THAT needs to be addressed. Of course, he's been an enabler of her bad behavior for years so don't expect much change. While my DH has been lax over the years in confronting his kids' bad behaviors, he would never tolerate them calling me a bitch. Wow.

So, disengage. And here's my encouragement. I've not seen my DHs kids in 5+ years after a humiliating event that left me physically and mentally done. A long 2 year journey with the next 2 years learning to live a more fulfilling life and this past year has been bliss.  DH has seen his kids away from our marital home during this time. I do not "stalk" or search out info on DHs kids. He's encouraged to have a relationship with his kids WITHOUT me.  

Last year, I decided to start "lessening" some boundaries.  DHs youngest (the one I had the least trouble from) visited our home twice. First time, I was not home; second, I chose not to interact. And next week, his older son will be visiting. If I choose to interact, it will be civil and superficial and VERY short time-wise. I will not cook or entertain and I surely will not be "breaking bread" with this man or his wife (should she come). He's coming to visit his dad, not me ( a famous saying DHs kids used to throw at me) so let his dad entertain him. 

So, I would suggest you continue with not having her at your home. Let your DH do what he needs to spend time with her but not with you. Block her on all avenues...phone, social media, email, etc. She's not your kid....she doesn't need access to you (especially at her age). Boundaries are so important for all of us....set yourself some boundaries with this woman. You don't need to say a thing...just do it and start practicing them. When you DH askes you to go walk with her, a firm NO with a "go enjoy your walk" will suffice. A boundary need not be expressed in an ugly way....but you definitely need some with this woman. Best to you.

Kind lady you do not deserve any of this. When you say you are done I dang well hope you mean you are done with DH!

This toxic family has destroyed your mental health. This is not good for you.

Beyond the cruel comment your DH shouldve punted that B when she made that disgusting comment, but he didnt.  FYI I dont mean this literally I am not calling for violence . Dang it though he shoulve have stopped it right there and left with you. 

That tells you he does not have your back. Gawd dang it if I witnessed this happening to a stranger I wouldve been appalled. So for your DH, your life partner , not to do anything is the reason your mental health has been fragile. This wasnt a joke, and what loving DH would let anyone "joke" that way about his WIFE. Wouldve he backed you maintaining it was a joke  if you responded " SD you  are a disgusting POS" ??????? 

Hun you can do so much better.

Yes your skids are disgusting, but your DH is worse IMHO.

Blessings 

"Oh, I'm an old bitch... I guess that makes you and immature little C*nt that thinks she can get away with treating people like shit. You have until the end of today to get your crap out of my house. You are never welcome back." 

DH- you can see your daughter whenever you want but I don't even want to hear her name spoken around me again and it will not be in my home. That is my boundary and I will not have that line crossed. Can't handle it, you can leave too. 

I read your bio - you have been around a while, and started with 8? And now down to 6?

Firstly Im so sorry you have to deal with this. NO you are absolutely not being too sensitive. You have a lot of skids there, and you have a lovely relationship with the older (mature) ones, so I agree with the others about disengagement from the younger mean girls that are treating you badly. Disengagement is your friend. Go completely no contact, block them on your phone, block them on sical media. If anyone asks why, just state that you are taking a break.

Do not do for them, do not go on these "outings" when it includes them. Do for the ones that treat you with respect. Spend time with those that treat you with respect. Your mental health is the most important. Your husband needs to have your back. And he has not. That would require some counseling and work on his part. Is he willing to do this? Someone needs to tell him how disrespectful behavior has affected you.

Ive been in this for over 8 years now. 2 Skids, SD24 Feral Forger and SD16almost17 Power Sulk. Ps is actually kind and respectful, she just has a problem when you tell her no or she doesnt get what she wants or whatever. FF on the other hand has hated me since the beginning and hasnt stopped. She actually told me a few years ago that she wanted a relationship with me, we went to a meal together alone, I gave her some money for bday and christmas and then she asked to move in with us and "have her old room back" and she was told she would have to make things work with me...crickets and then nasty texting.

"ever since you came into our lives, our dad hasnt been a real dad"...."the children should always come first!!!!" etc. Called me a horrible biotch, a stepmonster.

Many many arguments over the years. Temper issues. Tears. My feelings never being considered important. Being called names. Shunned. The lies about me.

And she experienced no repercussions for any of it. Shes a horrible, manipulating, lieing, stealing pig who enjoys rolling around and existing in her own filth. And yet, no one calls her out on it, not really. 

You need to have a very serious heart to heart with husband and discuss your new boundaries (or not, and just do it), and talk about your skids that treat you badly. You gave the example of one, but said plural before that. Tell him that you are not accepting of that any longer, and he needs to have your back. He needs to tell the Sd's that you are his WIFE and LIFE PARTNER and you will be treated with respect. 

And he can do this separately without you. He can have his relationship, and leave you out of it. They are not deserving of you.

I am sparing with my filters. I think I would have responded with a withering stare (brilliant tool for many things - the idea is to let them know they are nonentities without actually saying it) and "what a pity you and your ex weren't capable of raising decent kids" and walk away. Be blunt,be truthful, be you. What an effin'stinker your husband is. He's pathetic. He puts his ex and their spawn before the woman he supposedly loves.

Do you have gardening shears,OP?

I would have called your SD and DH on it, right then and there. 

"SD, what did you just call me?  Did I hear you right?  DH, do you have anything that you would like to say to SD about what she just called me?  DH, You have to agree that this is completely unacceptable!  I will not stand for any of this disrespect, and you DH, should be as appalled as I am!!  I demand an apology from SD, if she is ever to utter another word to me again.  Until then, I have had ENOUGH!"   Then walk away, and disengage from her once and for all!

Absolutely horrific behavior from both of them!  Big hugs to you...

One thing I've learned from having a head case mother, a head case biomom of skids, and my DH who is a bit of head case (though I love him dearly) is this:  "People will treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you." 

My DH likes to say that people are a lot like a pack of dogs. They will test you constantly for dominance and piss all over you unless you show them a little tooth once in awhile - to remind them that you can bite, too." 

I don't think you deserve any of this BS. Your husband should have slapped his daughter and taken her phone away when she did that. Instead, he acted like a wuss. That is shameful. You deserve better. I would like to see you bring out the alpha dog in yourself. Tell yourself you are not "taking any sh*t anymore" and don't allow that SD into your home or spend any more time with her. 

Tell your DH how much that hurt you, and that if he ever does that again you will punch  him in the face and see how funny it is then. Seriously. Show him a little tooth - and let him know you bite, too. 

You are not being oversensitive.  Your husband, however, is a COWARD.  What his daughter said was not a joke and not remotely funny, and he knew that.  But it's easier for a coward to gaslight you after the fact than to address his daughter's rudeness and cruelty firmly and immediately.  You are best to be totally done.  If your husband doesn't like it, too bad - he brought it on himself