I don’t want to jinx it..
But things have been really good since SD15 has decided to remove herself from our family and stopped coming for her visitations. I'm not sure if you recall but the last time SD15 came ( about 2 months ago ) she started drama every day that she was here, she talked back to DH, she lied to BM about DH and ultimately created a huge fight between BM and DH. After DH sent SD15 a text explaining to her why her behavior was wrong, hold her accountable for her lies SD basically sent a text back putting on the blame on DH and myself. She even said that DH was "stuck" with me because we have child. It was just really horrible . SD has yet the apologize or even acknowledge any wrong doing on her part so I told DH she cannot come back until she agrees to our rules in this house . SD doesn't call or text DH, DH will send her texts to let her know he loves her or he missed her and she will say it back and that's it. He will ask how she is doing and she will say " thank you" which is weird and that's about it. DH has BM blocked so we don't hear her nonsense . We are finally doing a family trip for spring break next week after a year and I am so damn glad I do not have to worry about SD ringing it by making the trip about her. We spend less and less time with MIL and SIL who I'm sure also blame me for SD not coming around . Things have been really great between DH and I as well, we have not got into a fight since the SD stopped coming . Over all our lives have been peaceful. I'm sure SD will resurfaces for her birthday in August...not sure if anyone has gone through this with a positive outcome from a SK, I wonder if SD will ever change her views and get over herself
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I am in the same boat as you.
I am in the same boat as you. SD10 has not returned to our house for nearly 6 weeks and it has been so peaceful too. DD4 and DS1 are accepting the fact she isn't coming over anymore too.
SS12 still comes over but now he is pleasant and easy to be around, whereas before it was hard to be around him sometimes. Influenced by SD? Possibly!
DH is the same with the communication to SD, and gets one word responses in return. It's all about her and how she feels and yours truly and DH is the reason why she won't be returning.. even though we only made her accountable for her lies.
There was this quote I saw and it says:
''Manipulation is where they blame you for your reaction to their toxic behaviour, but never discuss the disrespect that triggered you'.
I cannot agree more with that quote and where my life is at now with that. SD and BM refuse to acknowledge the lies and disrespect they spew out.. it's all about how poor SD is treated when she's here.
It's really horrible when.
It's really horrible when. You are going through it! I wish so much that she would have chosen a different path and tried to part of our family . She just keeps holding on to resistment that she is not the only child anymore and her mom feeds her all kinds of BS
Don't hold your breath.
I wonder if SD will ever change her views and get over herself
Not likely.
Of course SD and BM will lose their minds about your Spring Break trip. Do not say a word until after Spring Break.
Enjoy your family vacation.
As for SD showing up in August for her B-day gifts. Don't give her anything she wants. Get a card, buy a US Savings bond, put the gift receipt of the bond in the card, then keep the bond to give to her when it matures. The receipt will have the maturity date of the bond on it. This does two things, it does not reward her for her bullshit behavior, and it demonstrates a considered gift that she can benefit from when she grows TF up. By maintaining possession of her bond she will not be able to cash it early and you can make sure that it matures to it's designed growth value.
My GPs bought us bonds every year for about 10 years starting at birth. I kept mine far past maturity dates and they were worth quite a bit by the time I cashed them in.
Don't play their game. Play your own.
Have fun doing it with a framework of life lessions.
It is very possible that she
It is very possible that she will one day change her views and see things differently. She is a teenager and will (hopefully) do a lot of growing up and maturing. Even if she doesn't come over, your husband needs to continue to stay in contact with her.
My SD33 stopped coming over when she was about 15/16 and she and DH have a pretty good relationship, now. They never stopped communicating, even back then when she was mad at him.
Yea I agree I just don't want
Yea I agree I just don't want what she did to be swept under the rug. She really caused some damage
Enjoy your trip with your. Family
Don't be guilty it's not your fault. Don't know why you are seeing MIL & SIL ? That could be a point of trouble. SD must of complained to MIL with her side of the story, MIL will not be happy that you as adults parents didn't work out SD problem and not made her miss the trip.
No matter what. I would not take SD.. She must realize that there are consequences for her behavior . What is sitting home with BM
MIL and SIL don't know our
MIL and SIL don't know our spring break trip and DH doesn't wanna tell them anything anymore . Also this is more of a person trip for me because I'll be visiting my sister who my mother gave up for adoption so I don't really see it as fitting for SD to be there . Yea we don't really see MIL and SIL about anymore .
Just want to add don't tell
Just want to add don't tell MIL and SIL about the spring break trip. They'll no doubt tell SD who will resurface to throw a fit to go too, and then ruin things.
Yea we dont really tell them
Yea we dont really tell them much anymore .