Let me start off by saying…WHEW!!! You have a lot going on…First and foremost…I’m VERY SORRY for you loss! Also, let me say that anything that you hear from us is just an opinion and you know your “limit” much better than anyone on this site…I ALWAYS HATE to hear women say what they will and will not take from a man b/c 9 out of 10…they’ve taken worse or at least put up with something that others would consider to be “more than I can take…” now…having said that….It appears to me (outside looking in) that your BF definitely needs to get some guidance on what he should do…leaving you and going back to the ex-wife when you were pregnant then coming back after you lost the baby…water under the bridge now but it appears that part of his coming back is b/c he can be “child free” with you…do you believe he would have come back if you had carried to term? Do you still want children? Is he still adamant about not having them? I ask this b/c I’ve been in a similar situation and those issues WILL come up again! I’m blessed that my husband has come around to seeing my “perspective” and changed his mind about kids…..just food for thought…also…regarding the ex-wife…it is OBVIOUS that she wants him back and it also appears that a part of him may want her back…she is getting mixed messages from him and there is NOTHING that you can tell her to keep her out of your life together that will override the signals she is getting from him (especially if he has cheated on you with her and from what she is saying…is continuing to do so) Also…if he is being ordered classes through court…it is highly unlikely that he will get his son full time (b/c courts favor the mothers usually when there isn’t any “drama” involved let alone when “rehabilitative measures” have been court ordered)…I don’t want to take her side…but putting myself in her shoes, I’m sure she is hurt and confused and your BF is adding to this…so after all that…I guess what I’m saying is that it is 100% up to your BF to keep your love strong…he has to make a hard and fast decision (or one of you ladies has to make it for him…). Good Luck and WELCOME to the forum…keep us posted!

OMG, I would have scratched my hubby's eyes out if he EVER treated me that way when I was pregnant with HIS baby. How can you be there, knowing that he left because of the child the two of you created together? I'm sorry, I couldn't be with a man who couldn't love his own kids, reagardless of whether or not he was "ready" for them. IMO, you shouldn't being trying to figure out how to deal with the ex, you should be leaving.

I wish I could give you the wisdom that only comes with age, if you choose to stay with this man you will have a long road. And from my own life story 80-100% of the things he has done to her he will do to you! If he hit her he will hit you if he mentally abused her you can expect the same, and if he cheated on her you can bet he will do it to you. I am not saying an abuser is always an abuses but this man has not had enough years between her and you to learn from the mistakes and seek help, or take in the help that is being forced upon him from the courts.
If you want to follow advice run do not walk away from this relationship you will find the man for you when you are not even looking. If you do not believe me ask your mom or a close older female friend.

When you find what you enjoy and charish it!

I'm sorry to say. I think he wants his cake and eat it to. You will be better off without him as painful as it will be for a while. You'll be much happier in the end. I'm sorry you are going through this!

How did it make you feel when you found out he had cheated on you with her? How do you feel when he spends all day with her, even when the kids aren't present? Are you prepared to make yourself endure that pain time and time again, just because you love this man?

My opinion, take it or leave it, is that this woman still has your bf wrapped around her finger and she knows it. She knows that you two won't call the cops on her if she comes beating on your door or vandalizing your property. She knows that he is scared #$*@less of her and he'll do whatever she wants him to do. And right now, she wants him to play up to her sick desires to have him at her beck and call 24/7 even though he's trying to move on and have a life with you. I think he's torn between wanting to make things right with you, and his fear of his ex. I think she gets off on the idea of making you upset and afraid. And I think that she knows how much you love him, and she honestly believes that you'll stick it out as long as you can, and she'll be able to torture you with no repercussions for a long, long time.

It would probably do you good to sit down with your bf and let him know how you honestly feel. Let him know how much it hurts you when he spends so much time with her. Let him know that you understand that he doesn't like having to deal with her, and offer solutions. She should not be the one who dictates when and where he sees his children. The two of them need to meet with some lawyers and get an agreement put together on a legal visitation schedule. That way, he'll be able to see his kids on a regular basis and he won't be obligated to play into her sick games in order to do so.

Like I said - all my opinions, take them or leave them. But I think that if your heart is really in this, and you honestly think you want to stick it out for the long haul, you need to take a stand for your own feelings and sanity.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

I TOTALLY agree with everything Nise said. As a matter of fact, I couldnt have said it better myself...lol. I can only add, that i feel really bad for you. It's horrible to be in a relationship, where there is no trust. You do realize that he cant be trusted right? For obvious reasons. Im not in your shoes, and never have been. Your very young, and have plenty of time to find Mr right. Dont ever let anyone make you feel like you deserve less than the very best. I guess the thing that disturbes me the most about your post is....He didnt want to be with you, while you were pregnant with his baby. But, he has since decided that he wants you now. He helped create that child, and ran out on you, and comes back with excuses. I know you are going to do what you want to do. Id just have to advise you to make him prove to you that he is sincere, and that takes TIME. Good luck to you sweetie, and just know that you deserve to have a man in your life that is loyal to you, and that causes you NO pain.

Girlfriend...
Ask yourself a question? You love him, could you ever do that to him? All the crap he is pulling on you.. First of all love should be a two way street.. Not one way. He is sleeping with his ex-wife, why? If she wants him back she will be getting pregnant again.. She will forget her birth control because she "thinks that having another baby will fix things"..
You lost your baby that was both of your baby, if he loved you so why wasn't he supportive to you. Instead he dealt you a lot of bull crap.
I believe in the sanging "Once a cheater, Always a cheater".. He will not change for you or anyone else.. And besides that when you find that one true person you want to keep them the way they are.. SO if you can accept the I am screwing another woman now and forever then stick it out. I am very sorry to be so blunt..
But I can honestly say I understand "Lorena Bobbett"..
Your not afraid of getting a disease from him? And if he is sleeping with you two, who else is he sleeping with?
I feel sorry for you. My BF in high school did this crap and I just wish I would have been smarter.. But I like you was in love..
You know there are some scary diseases out there.. AIDS is one and trust me that is a thought that went thru my head when my high school BF was out sleeping around.. I could have died if he had gotten that. Something at the time I never thought of.. GF get out now.. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. You sound like a very intelligent woman.. YOU DESERVE A LOT BETTER.. you deserve someone who is there for you thru everything.. Not just when its convenient for them to be around. Be honest with yourself.. I bet if you look deep enough on the inside you will find that he is not your future.. THat you will value yourself a lot better.