Any advice anyone
first time blogger SD just turned 5 and comes over on weekends she won't sleep alone at night so dh sleep in bed with her she won't leave his side And doesn't want me to particapte in anything they do. She will not listen to me or her dad about rules sd has lied, threw a hammer at me, knocked food bowl out of my Hand on carpet told me that I can't tell her what to do it's her dads house. We use to get along great then over a weeks time it seems that she hates me I'm sad and confussed she lives with dh's mother and we don't get along someone help 
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And her dad
lets her act this way? He hasn't sat her little ass down and said that she is to respect you and do as you say in that house?! There's your problem. You can't fix the 5 yr old when her own father encourages the behavior by allowing it.
okay
she needs an as spanking. my dad would never allow for that. i was mean to my dads past girlfriend but this little girl is doing this for daddys attention. dont let him be easy on her if she doesnt understand what role you play in her daddys life then she needs to. this behavior is crazy. dont let her push u around you need to stick up for yourself or it could get more violent.
Parents sleeping with kids
At our house SD9 shares a room with my BD9. They have bunk beds, and there has never been any problems. At The Wookie's house, SD9 sleeps with her mother every night. And because SD9 has a bed-wetting problem, the Wookie makes her wear pull-ups to bed every night! This does not help the bed-wetting problem one bit. Kids belong in their own beds.
If my DH was sleeping with his children, it would come to an end FAST. His place is with me. Kids need to learn to sleep on their own.
And the disrespect - that doesn't happen in my house. If any of our kids start pulling that $hit - they get a good swift kick back on track from one or both parents. DH needs to stand up and demand that she respect you, but you should also demand it for yourself. And if DH doesn't support you, let him raise her himself without any help whatsoever from you. Don't make dinner, don't do their laundry while she is there, just completely disengage.
Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
OMG 9 and in pulls!
Can't believe a mother would put her 9 yr old in pull-ups - like a toddler!
As for the parents sleeping with kids, my SD's BM had the girl in her bed permanently until she was 9! SD did not even have her own room! So now SD is 10, finally in her own room, but still her favourite toys are stuffed teddies (like a toddler) and she plays games where she talks, walks and acts like a toddler all the time. She is very imnmature emotionally and mentally because she has not been given room (literally) to grow up and mature as she should be. So sad and embarrassing at times when she is with other kids her own age who look at her like she is a freak.
BM needs a good slapping.
A Step parent is in a no win role
I see your side
I totally do. We went through this with the girls when their mother abandoned them. Which leads me to this next question and PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS WRONG.
Why does this kid live with hubbies mom? Where is mom and if mom is absent why doesn't she live with dad? I am not excusing the behavior but if you try to find the cause of it you may have an easier time correcting it. The girls did not start wanting to sleep with us untill their mother dumped them on us. If youor SD feels dumped by both parents it could be fueling this behavior.
Personally I would be mad and hurt if my parents pushed me off on my grand parent. This could be the root of her insecurities and anger issus.
Just a thought.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
Counseling
SK's act out and usually anger is directed straight at the step parent. You are the butt off everything. I think you deserve to be protected or you will not like this child. I know, because teenage skids were allowed to mistreat me and now I can't stand them. Number one, your hubby needs to agree that this child will not be allowed to mistreat you.
Your husband needs to make it clear that this is your house and his together and she needs to respect you as a authority figure. Having said that, she is a five year old little girl that is obviously troubled. I think you may need professional help to deal with this. If her behavior has changed, "We use to get along great then over a weeks time it seems that she hates me" I am wondering if her BM has been telling her things. BM's cause loyalty issues by telling skids things like "I am sad because you like SM better than me." or "you don't have to listen to SM, she is not your real mom." If you got along great with this little girl and she's acting weird all of the sudden, I would guess BM is behind it somehow. You need to get to the bottom of this.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
Abigail
Do you think the childs living situation has anything to do with it? I found it strange that the BM gets no mention at all and the child lives with a grandparent.
I think that could cause issues with a five year old child for sure.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
I'm wondering what changed???
Kerrod said "We use to get along great then over a weeks time it seems that she hates me" What happend in a week?
I thought maybe SD talked to BM or something? It is odd that she lives at a grandparents but unless she moved in a week, why would that make the child act out? I think we need more information. Kids act the way they do for a reason. It could be that she overhead someone say something, maybe she was molested, I mean really, how can we know without more information?
Kerrod, if you got along with the girl and she has changed, try to figure out when that happend. Was it after you got married? Did it happen in the last week? If this happend in a week, I honestly wonder if she was traumatized some how and is afraid to be alone. Could someone have molested her? Did she have contact with BM? She sounds either angry or scared or maybe both:
""she won't sleep alone at night so dh sleep in bed with her she won't leave his side And doesn't want me to particapte in anything they do. She will not listen to me or her dad about rules sd has lied, threw a hammer at me, knocked food bowl out of my Hand on carpet told me that I can't tell her what to do it's her dads house"
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
Thanks everyone for the
Thanks everyone for the advice i will explain the situation more maybe it will help everyone understand. SD lives with Mother in law because of a past drug problem by DH and BM. BM hasn't had custody since SD was about one and DH was raising her alone then he relapsed and Signed over temporary custody of SD to his mother so she could have a stable place to live until he got the right help for his addiction. DH has gotten the help and a very good job and works very hard to do everything right now we have been fighting about 1 1/2 to get custody back and his mother refused to allow her to go any where with us, until i got pregnant then once the baby was born then she allowed her to come visit over night. She didn't listen to me when i suggested that SD comes over so i can start to bond with SD before my daughter was born.since she didn't agree. me and DH would drive 1 1/2 hours about 2 times a week to visit in there home. SD by then was calling her Grandma MOM by the coaching of the Grandma. SD's BM did come back in the picture last year and got 2 supervised visits a week for about 3 months and then got in trouble again and was running from the law Mother in law told SD that BM would come and take her and she wouldn't see anyone again.(I didn't agree with this)Bm was caught and got sent to prison she is in prison and has a no contact order by a judge. The mother in law now says it is ok for SD to come live with us but i said we need to get her adjusted first to staying here and use to the rules before i can do it. I hope this doesn't sound like i am trying to back out because that's not the case i want SD to come live with us as a family so we can get her the Help she needs to cope with the traumatic experiences in her short life. Its gonna be hard im a first time mom of a 5 month old going to school for criminal justice full time and my Dh works nights so he wont see her much once she comes to live with us anyways seeing as she will be at school when he is home and he will be at work when she home and sleeping when he gets home. I hope this explains a little more so yes i think she has abandonment issues and issues with feeling safe. I feel DH is assisting her in her negative behavior because he feels like SD will not love him anymore but in turn its breaking us apart when ever she is around
Kerrid04
DING DING DING!
You are absolutely correct! Your SD has abandonement issues and since her life has not been stable and secure she has trouble feeling safe. That is the entire reason she is a little clingy and has the anger issues going on.
I KNEW there were drugs involved. The girls mom left because of drugs and has been in and out of their lives ever since. They went through the faze of being really clingy in the bginning. The girls father, my husband, also used a little back in the day when he was touring (he's a guitarist) but he has been totally clean for going on four years. He doesn't even smoke cigarretes anymore. He stopped for his kids. They were just little babies when he said ENOUGH and stoped before it got out of hand. Tell your BF it can be done and he needs to continue to go to therapy and rehab because you are never "cured" from addiction. You just keep it in check. My husband no longer tours for this reason.
The girls BM never got better. She got worse and crossed over into junkie territory and is currently in prison on drug related charges. I can tell you first hand that children raised in a drug fueled environment suffer. It takes a toll on them emotionally. The girls were lucky that their dad got it together and they are with him. For your SD it's harder because she has been affected by both parents addictions and as a result she lives with a grand parent.
All I can tell you is be patient with the co sleeping thing. I know it's irritating but she will grow out of it and with gentle encouragment it will probably be sooner than later. As far as the anger issues go....she may need counseling. If the kids are on Medicaid you may want to see about getting them in a program. It may help her to work through some of her fears. Always remember that she is scared and thats what is fueling the behavior. It is nothing personal towards you.
GM needs to be spoken with. SHe is probably just concerned. We stopped allowing BM to take the girls because she was unstable and unsafe. We caught hell from her side of the family and we got accused of poisoning and allienating the kids from their mom. Oh well. Tough sh*t. She was unsafe. Bottom line. If your BF has made some of the same poor judgement calls do to drug use GM might be feeling the same way. The kids safety may just be concern #1.
All he can do is continue to stay sober and clean and keep visiting her as much as possible. He is going to have to prove himself to GM and it won't be easy. You keep supporting him and encouraging him to continue treatment.
Good Luck.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.