I agree with you 110%. You are right on point and if you feel that he would bring the gun anyway regardless of what you say, don't have him watch the boys. Too many accidents and tragedies happen.

I think he should present it to his son that he will still be able to watch your children if he promises he won't bring the gun to your house. He's an adult, so if he doesn't think he can promise to do that, then he should be honest about that. Your DH should also say that if he brings the gun, then he won't be allowed to even see the children anymore, because this is a very serious issue.

But my thinking is that you should give your SS the chance to do what's right or to say that he doesn't think he'll be able to abide by your rules before you simply tell him he can't watch the kids.

I don't think it's a problem that your SS owns a gun, but agree with you that it should stay out of the house with young boys. Gun safety advocates have found that young boys, in particular, have extreme curiosity about guns and even when they are hidden, there have been many instances where they have figured out where they are and have been tempted to try them out.

I think in general, it should be a rule that your SS not bring his gun to your house, for that same reason.

I think your fears of having a gun around your children are well-founded, but I also think you can try to come up with a workable solution.

I agree with you completely.

I would though add that you should start talking to your sons about what they should do if they ever come across a gun emphasizing how dangerous they are and that even if they think it is a toy to not touch it. They are not too young to learn this lesson and their step brother may not be the only person in their life who has a gun.

I would not allow SS to watch the boys. Period. And DH would be in the doghouse for keeping the info about the gun from you. Sounds like SS knew if would freak you out and got the reaction he was looking for when showing you the gun. Who knows. Maybe DH told SS that you would freak out and not to tell you.
Let your parents watch the boys the whole time. Find a high school or college babysitter to come in and give them a hand a couple times. If you don't know the person very well let it only be while parents are there too.
Give your parents a gift card to their favorite resturant as a thank you when you return.

You will worry the whole time you are away if SS is even allowed over to visit. So make it clear to him that he is not to come over.

Meanwhile. Talk to your boys about gun safety. Who knows if they may ever be around an unattended gun at a friends house or around SS.

I 'get' it, you're frantic over guns. It's ok. Your house. Means no guns in your house or guns locked in safe. Your house. Your rules.

SS26 is a big boy now and he had to go through the process to get and carry his gun. But that doesn't mean he gets to enter your home with it (loaded or not).

Let the kids stay with the grandparents. Let the SS do some daytime entertainment with them. No gun. He can keep his gun in under seat locked box.

As to your DH not telling you about SS getting a gun? *shrugs* As long as it stays out of your home and your children don't enter SS's home, no biggie. SS doesn't need your blessings to buy and carry a gun as long as it's presence does not involve you or your children.

I don't know your SS. I know my SS. If I had arranged for SS to come stay with our last kid home, he already knows the rules. Keep his guns out of my home. I would trust him to do so, but as I said, I know my SS and if he said 'ok, Mom', it means ok.

Honestly, your SS should have left his gun in vehicle and came in and told he had got one, ask if he could bring it in to show Dad. I do not believe anyone should come into another person's home (especially one where children are present) with a loaded gun and not say they have it (whether that be on their hip, in their purse or wherever).

I am confused. If the SS "seemed responsible enough" to watch your kids for a few days, why is he suddenly not responsible just because he has a gun?

Yes, I agree, your house, your rules. I fully support you on that. But responsible gun ownership doesn't make a person an irresponsible human.

Ehhhh...maybe it is because I live in Anti-Canada where guns are more prevalent, but I think you are having a mild overreaction to this.

I have friends and family who have been avid, responsible gun owners for years. My best friend has been handling guns since she was a kid, has several of her own, and almost always conceal-carries. I'd 100% trust her with small children because I know the kind of gun owner she is and the precautions she takes.

On the flip side, I have friends who I wouldn't trust with a toy gun because they could turn that into a deadly weapon.

Ultimately, your house, your rules. If it were me, I'd look at the history SS had with guns and make a determination from there. If he had handled guns for years, had some proper training (including LE or military), and had a plan for storing the gun safely at my house, I'd let him keep it. If, however, I had any real doubt that he wasn't a responsible gun owner, I'd say don't bring it in my home.

However, it is absolutely none of your business when your SS bought the gun, and you can't be mad at your DH for not telling you that he bought it. Outside your home, SS's decisions and whom he chooses to disclose information to are entirely his choices. You didn't need to know, and your DH had no reason to tell you. You can't even be mad at your DH for disagreeing with you on this issue. He trusts his son with a gun; you don't. That's just a difference of opinion, not a reason for your DH to be in the doghouse.

Again, your house, your kids, your rules. Instead of freaking out, I suggest having a calm and rationale discussion with your SS about your general house rules and expectations when babysitting. If he can't abide by those rules, then leave the kids strictly with your parents. Unless there is a history of SS being actually untrustworthy and unreasonable, it's unfair to assume he will be in this instance just because he owns a gun.

Did he present the gun as loaded? How did you know it was loaded? Granted all guns should be treated as loaded at all times.

My husband owns guns and carries a gun when we are out and about. We live in Niceville Nebraska but I would rather be protected. DH has had military training and regularly trains and practices. Would you trust my husband? Would you know he carries a gun? And why is your SSon suddenly the family pariah for having a gun? He isn't welcome back regardless of whether he is carrying or not? Is he a felon and has an illegal weapon?

Step back. Sit down with SSon and let him know that guns are not permitted in your home around your sons. If he is unable to not have his gun with him then leave the kids with your parents and as Lt-dad says, SSon can take them out to the movies etc.

That being said, are you prepared to question all your kids friends parents for the availability of medications, drugs, poisons, seatbelts in cars, guns, dangerous dogs.

SSon should abide by your house rules. And you should recognize that carrying a gun doesn't make you a village idiot.

That is a giant over reaction.

A. Did he say he is carrying it around everywhere he goes now or did he just bring it over to show Dad?

B. Now is the time to teach gun safety to your children.

C. Did you even ask him not to bring it??

D. If you really don’t trust your children invest in a fingerprint safe and instruct it to be kept there.

We never take a vacation and leave my minors at home.

Last Easter we took a cruise. It was great. Nice balance of kids. Of the parents we spoke to who left their kids at home, they were miserable. Their heads were buried in their cell phones trying to talk to the kids they tried to get away from. Common themes were:

"WE should have brought them along...WE miss them...THEY would have so much fun"

Ya think?

Siblings in their 20's babysitting younger siblings never worked out great WHEN we went out to dinner. The 20 year olds think they all of a sudden have the right to boss the kids around.

OP I would freak out right about now if I were in your shoes.

What would I do??? I would bring the kids along.

Thinking it would be "cool" to show off his gun to his Dad and you and wear it walking around your home would be all the proof I needed to know he wasn't responsible to watch my dog for five minutes, let alone my children for days on end. NOPE. And he wouldn't be welcomed back inside my home unless he submitted to searches upon entry.

I would get a safe, tell SS to bring the gun, and lock the gun in the safe and take the key with you.

https://www.amazon.com/SentrySafe-Resistant-Chest-Cubic-Extra/dp/B000W8J...

I agree with you, I wouldn't be comfortable with him watching kids! I'm curious though? Is this the first you heard about him having a gun? I just got my conceal carry and it took me almost a year to get it. I had to file all kinds of paperwork with references, have fingerprinting and background check done, go to a 2.5 hour gun safety course and then everything had to go to judge for approval. It seems odd that he just shows up one day with a gun?