How long have you been together? I know it's hard when you know what you want and you're ready to take that next step, but let him take his time.

When my DH and I started dating, we got serious pretty quickly, but we dated for a year and a half before he proposed. He and his ex had it in their divorce papers that neither of them could have overnight guests of the opposite sex when the kids were home, unless they were married. So when DH had the girls, I would come over and visit, but go back home every night. When he didn't have the girls, I would pack a little bag and stay with him. I started redecorating the house, cleaning it, all of those things, but I didn't live there - it wasn't "our" home. It got very frustrating for me because I was ready to be with him and start spending our lives together. I hated living out of a bag. However, I knew from what he had told me about his ex that he only married her because she gave him an ultimatum. He was only 23 and fresh out of college. All of her friends were getting married and she flat out told him "either you marry me or I find someone who will". She had been his only serious girlfriend and he didn't really know what else was out there and he was scared of the unknown, so he gave in and married her. He said that he knew on their wedding day that he was doing the wrong thing. So I swore to myself after hearing this that I would never pressure him - that I wanted him to ask me when he was good and ready. I didn't want to have him ask me to marry him and know that he only did it because I hounded him about it for so long. Looking back, I'm so glad we dated and took our time and I'm glad that I waited for him and let him take his time because this time, he did it when he was ready.

As for how he told his girls...no one knew about the proposal but my dad - he had asked for his permission. A couple of days after we got engaged, the girls came over and he sat them down (I wasn't there) and told them that we would be getting married. They were ecstatic! They called me to tell me how happy they were and to ask when it was going to happen and if they were going to be flower girls and on and on. The next day, he called his ex to let her know that he had asked me to marry him, so she could hear it from him instead of the girls. She sarcastically said congratulations and that was it. His girls were like your BF's daughter...they asked me all the time when me and their dad were going to get married, and it got frustrating because I didn't have a clue.

Just hang in there...it will happen when the time is right and you will be the happiest girl in the world! Savor every minute of it!

by all means, DON'T PRESSURE HIM! LOL. I KNOW that one...

As far as SS or BM goes... well, SS was excited. We've been together for years already. BM- we didn't care, wasn't her concern, it was about us... not her. Besides, we didn't really want her to know the details otherwise she would try to stifle our plans, so we didn't say much to SS knowing that that would be her source. All SS knew was that we got engaged, we're getting married, he was excited.

DH was afraid that once we figured out that we were going to have a wedding, and of course, I was the only daughter, first marriage... there was NO way that I was NOT going to have a wedding. My ENTIRE family was on their toes, so when we did pick a date, we didn't really say much to SS. We literally had to pick a date based on when we had SS, because we were afraid that BM would try to pull something, like refuse our time, try to manipulate the schedule so that the dates would get switched, make sudden plans and demand her "vacation" time... so, we just kept the plans and dates pretty quiet. Didn't make a big fuse. We were pretty vague with SS about 'when' we were getting married.

We knew that BM knew, because obvious SS would talk about this and that, that we're going to have this at the wedding etc etc... she did act out a little here and there. You could tell when SS said something to her, that we had just excitedly talked about. She would be soo snotty. But it wasn't until after the actual wedding did I start to notice some more changes in her personally. She never 'knew' when, so when the week came of our wedding, and we got married that weekend, we had to turn around the very next day and drop SS off to her... he obviously didn't shut up about the exciting night he had the night before! So, that's when she headed for the worst- mentally. She had a nervous breakdown, things started to really affect her medically. So, because she was dealing with things emotionally, she started to back off us because she didn't have the energy to 'fight with us'.

When I look back at it, and know what I know now, I now realize that she went deeper into her depression and the realization hit her- we're married, her life was out of control, she was lonely, she had completely isolated herself from people, she didn't interact with anyone on SS's sport clubs/leagues/games, she pushed her family away from her, friends at work, etc. She has ED and I know that is the point that she went spiraling out of control with it. She was in denial for years, 'thought she had it under control', but that was the point that began to totally consume her and she really looked awful, so sick a year later. I didn't know she had ED, but I could tell she was depressed, had some major mental issues. At the time, she didn't put up a fight with us much anymore- no energy- because she was using her ED to numb herself.

This past year she has been out of control, she got married this past summer pretty quickly, only been dating the fellow a few months, and now she's pregnant with her fourth child. A whole lot has happened with in the past year medically for her, and a lot of it I know is because she deflects rather than faces her problems. She's trying to get help. I know that first hand. She kept herself "busy", so we don't have much issues with her... so thank gawd for that!

However, we're now seeing little bits and pieces of the 'old' BM resurfacing... so I'm sure we're going to get slammed with something from her... just a matter of time.

My wonderful partner proposed on holiday in April last year. He has 3 children with the ex wife (aka bitchface). When we returned,we told the children who were dead pleased for us but when the eldest told the BM,she decided we were going to have to pay for being happy. She decided to stop all contact with the children the very next week and then decided to take us to CSA to gain more money. We took her to court in order to get contact back on a regular basis and have happily continues paying for the children. She has made some truly awful accusations towards my partner and myself but i refuse to let that bitch make us unhappy. As long as the children are ok with it all then thats good enough for me.
Just be prepared if you don't get on with the ex to watch for any knives that may come flying your way.

My bf and I lived in different states. (2 hrs apart.) After six months, we decided to go to Paris...In the heat of the moment, he proposed with a champagne wire-type ring while we were gazing at a sparkling Eiffel Tower. Yes, very romantic and surreal. A few days later we had a french/english enterpreter help us pick out matching floral "wedding bands" from Monet's Gift Shop! (I don't believe only the woman should wear a ring to show she is now "taken" and he went along with me.) When we came home, he wore his ring proudly. He never specifically told ex but she saw ring and the next time she called to tell him somthing "unneccessary," she asked if we had married. That was it...He told the kids by himself over dinner (they were 13,14)and explained that NOTHING would change...He'd still have the same visitation schedule of him hanging out in their house to watch TV with them once a week in "their" natural environment (which I hate) but the kids are happy. WE got married in the yard a year later...I love the kids and I think they like me...

The most puzzling thing for me, was that the ex, gave us a wedding gift. Here I am opening our gifts and there's a very personal gift from her...she gave it to the kids to give to us. She would have even come to the wedding had I invited her. As it was, she wanted to see the pictures. I said No. I sent one with the thank you for the gift however. (I don't want to be friends...Friendly & Cordial, Absolutely...but nothing more than that.) All I could think was am I missing something? Are they still friends or something? Why would she bother? Now i realize she is slightly delusional in regards to their relationship, and way way way too accomodating. (Yes, he left her, but years before I met him and she did not want the divorce...she's not bitter but I think still is sweet to him becaues she does still love him.
Anyway, I wish we would have had a longer engagement..couldn't have hurt...would have prepared me for the reality of being a second wife..which I don't really like. Seriously, don't rush it.

I also thought that being the wife instead of the girlfriend would alleviate some issues but it really didn't. There were different issues and it's just not easy!!!

OH, one more thing, just a few months before meeting my husband I had broken up with my committment phobic bf of five years (on again, off again) for that same reason..I was good enough to date and act as a fabulous SM substitute for his kid but he refused to even discuss engagement...Excuses, excuses, excuses. One day I said that's it...and I did meet the greatest guy ever! When I least expected it! Good luck.

I too am a Bio mom and my husband remarried. I think my daughter's stepmom in WONDERFUL! Treats my daughter great, is a pleasant person, blah, blah...but do we have a "friendship?" No. She has never intruded into my life, and I never intruded into hers...From day one, somehow we just respected each other's boundaries. We chat for a few moments if we are at the same event. Sometimes she's home and the ex is not when I drop my daughter off and we exchange pleasantries. Nothing inappropriate, no intimacy involved.
Sure, I've helped my daughter pick out something for her..but it's from my daughter. Whereas, it seems like my exhusbands wife, does TRY to go out of her way to do things that absolutely don't make a difference to us. I don't like her any more or any less than I did originally. Is she a good person? Yes she is. I would probably even be friends with her if she never slept with my husband LOL - but her friendly outreach w/ gifts and cards is just not necessary. The best an ex wife can do is respect our boundaries and not try to get into the "friendship" circle with us. Stick to business with the children. I think in time, it might be okay....but now it does seem like it is trying too hard...but thanks for your input. I shouldn't be too judgemental. I know her intention was well-meaning.