26 y.o sson smoking
I've been married now for a year and a half. My husband has two sons, 21 and 26. Because my husband kept telling me that his 26 year old wanted to return to college (he dropped out the first time before they kicked him out), I invited him to live with us so he could go back to school. That was February of last year. We made the agreement that the sson would get into school right away and pay 200.00 in rent per month. I knew that he smoked and I forbid it in my house. As far as I know, my husband talked to his son about this and it was all agreed upon. I also thought having him in the house would be good for everyone because I was told what a hard worker he was. His brother , the 21 year old, has never had a job so I thought it would be good for his older brother to be here to try to encourage him.
About a month in, I tried to help his son with a budget. It was impossible for him to afford 200.00 a month so we lowered it to 100.00 a month. He has a leased car, two credit cards totaling about 7500.00 and student loans. We've rarely received any money from him besides the payment for his 96.00 phone bill (because he HAD to have the newest phone- so he's paying for two phones now-He took my son's upgrade without our knowledge)
His room is a holy mess. He promises his father over and over again that he will clean it. I can smell his room when I come out of our bedroom. He drinks beer and soda to an extreme amounts (in my opinion). He drinks about 3-4 12 packs of soda a week and about 2-3 12 packs of beer a week, leaving the cans and cartons in his room until it fills a trash bag. (he carries them out once I'm not in the house).
Two days ago I went into his bedroom and found multiple e cig cartons in his room. I was furious. After reading up on the types of cancer causing agents that are in the liquids that he is putting out into our home I am just over him living here.
I talked with his father this morning. We will be moving out of this house this year and I told him I don't want him to come with us. The plan is to talk with the sson today. His father is too nice (one of the reasons I married him after having the opposite type of husband on the first go around). I have to be the mean one which puts me in a bad situation.
Any suggestions as to how to talk this out with him?
Thanks
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Comments
SS is an adult - he had a
SS is an adult - he had a full year to get on his feet and he did not.....
it's this easy - you tell your DH, when you move SS will not be moving in with you again and you do not care how DH is going to tell him. If DH does not want to say anything, you simply tell SS....
I would keep quiet and suck it up, take pictures and make notes and a month before you leave the house simply give SS notice... he's 26 not 6.... what becomes of him is not your problem, ... reasons for SS not being allowed back into your new house - he did not follow the rules.... it's that simply
and if he promise he will follow it now, laugh and say - well you had more then enough chances you burned that bridge, sorry kiddo but you are not moving with us.
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your reply. Waiting for him to wake up to talk with him. I've told my DH that we've helped him all that we can. If he refused to take the hand that we have offered to lift him up, then he'll stay where he is
I've said the same thing
I've said the same thing about the cost of beer/soda/vapes. There is no answer. We plan on telling him today that the 100.00 will be expected each month on a specified date. My DH already told him that we shouldn't have to hunt him down each month in order to get the $$ for his phone bill, we will say the same about the rent money.
We haven't actually caught him in the act of smoking, mainly because he locks his bedroom door every time he goes in there. I have found the empty packages. When DH confronted him about it the other day his comment was "it's only water vapor!",.
He is the oldest living in the house. My DD moved to tampa and is living on her own down there. Our 21 year olds are at college but will return in May when they both graduate. I've already told my DH that we will both sit down with each of them with the expectations of them living in the house so there is no question about what has been talked about and agreed upon.
I like the formal lease agreement idea.
Thanks so much for your ideas.
Best idea ever..... sit his
Best idea ever..... sit his ass down and tell him the house rules again, then remove the lock from his door...
when you move out and he's not welcome to join you.... you can always say - we did warn you and you decided to ignore us once again... good bey
Right on, Monkey. When
Right on, Monkey. When you're focusing on the trivial, you don't have to look at the REAL problem.