Um, wow. That's... astonishing. I have to say that I would think long and hard before allowing him near your biochildren again (especially the two-year-old). If he's going to go off like that on an adult with little to no provocation, there's no telling what he might do to a little child, and your biokid comes first.

Not that I would allow a next time, but I would call the police. I would also record him show your DH & the cops. Knowing others will see your craziness will sometimes deescalate the situation. At the very least you will protect yourself when he lies and says you hit him.

I would not watch him alone again. DH will have to make other arrangements.

Put him in his room until dh gets there to deal with it. Call bm to come get him. Call dh to come get him...

ugh I just had flashbacks of skid1, who also has ADHD and god knows what else. last year was rough with him. he got physical with FDH (gave him a black eye) and also then told a school counselor that FDH choked him for no reason. in reality FDH was trying to subdue an out of control tween who was violent, but that didn't stop the child abuse investigation.
what has worked with him is absolute consistency with FDH when it comes to discipline. oh, and the fact that other actions of his have resulted in him living at bm's and coming here for visitation. I can tolerate skid1 in small doses.
hugs girl. I have no advice and am just grateful that skid1's actions have resulted in him living with his mom and being around me a lot less.

My BS12 has ADHD and to my knowledge ADHD does not mean they have violent outbursts, neither does the medications have negative side affects that would make him flip out, again, that I'm aware of. If anything I think part of it may be hormones, and this is probably his usual behavior at home with his BM. You had every right to raise your voice, I think as soon as he started flipping out, I would have picked up the phone called DH and put him on speaker so he could hear everything that kid is doing.

So sorry that happened to you, and I hope your DH will handle that when he is home.

Call the cops. Tell them this boy is out of control, you are his stepmother and scared for your child that you cannot leave him in the same room. Then leave it up to them. Let them haul his arse off to the precinct for his father to pick him up there.

And he needs to get into therapy. Obviously he is learning this somewhere. Not to mention his testosterone=one has increased by about 400% from the age of 8 until 12. He needs to work out that aggression before it REALLY gets him into trouble. When my ssons pulled the 'and my mother hates you.' badge out of their arses I always responded with "I know. And?"

I think too often people are so quick to automatically blame everything on some "disorder" are there any bad ass kids anymore or bad ass teenagers ? Or does the whole world who doesn't act accordingly have some kind of disorder ? An adult is lazy these days, they blame it on depression or bipolar, someone keeps their house really clean, they have OCD, a kid acts up and backtalks, he has this disorder that disorder etc etc.

When my kids used to go to daycare, there were so many moms that excused their kids behavior, by saying "oh he didn't take his medication today" "oh he did that today, maybe i need to take him back to the doctor and change his medication" I don't know your SS at all nor am I a physician, but perhaps he's just a spoiled brat who doesn't get disciplined? Does BM allow him to rule the house ? Let him get away with murder ? If he truly does not have any illness and continues this behavior you'll end up getting the "oh he has this disorder, so take it easy on him" "He can't control it" I would take him to professionals and get a 2nd or maybe even 3rd opinion without telling the doctors what the other doctors said. Im not trying to offend anyone, just voicing my opinion. Happy New Years to all

There is no reason for this dangerous kid to be in your care while your DH is not at home. None whatsoever. There is no law or requirement enforcing visitation with stepmoms in any jurisdiction I know of. This is a risk you are not required to assume. His behavior was upsetting, dangerous, irrational, and NOT okay. No matter what the cause, be it ADHD, ODD, or just plain selfish brattiness, you do not need to endanger the kids to whom you DO have a legal obligation just because your husband's kid is scheduled to be there when your husband isn't. Not to mention the danger you're putting yourself in! This kid could physically harm you. He could trump up allegations of abuse. He could tell God-only-knows what kind of lies to his BM or authorities. Protect yourself. Protect your babies. Insist that this policy lasts until his behavior is treated, modified, and brought back into healthy norms. Insist that this policy lasts until you have enough time to rebuild trust. Be safe and good luck!