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It's been a while....

LadyTremaine81's picture

After the drama of 2019- I wasn't so sure things could get any worse. They did. My God, they did. 

In January of 2020 SD came back home. Things were progressing nicely. She seemed to make real progress. I suspect it was actually just an improvement in her manipulating skills. Then November 2020 came around....

My nephew (17) came to live with us following my brother's divorce. I had a very close relationship with my nephew (he lived with me until he was seven) until SD decided to revert back to old ways. 

The day after Thanksgiving I found my nephew and SD having sex. Naturally, we asked my nephew to leave. He apologized and left. SD (15) went into complete meltdown. We had police involved roughly every four days for a few weeks. These aren't normal teenage girl meltdowns. These are a whole other level of absolute misery. You should hear the girl's mouth. Journal entries about how she wants to murder us.... Eventually the police hospitalized her when she told them she was pregnant by her "cousin". She wasn't pregnant. She was carrying around a negative pregnancy test (saw it with my own eyes)and making lists for her "baby". I honestly was terrified for my nephew after the way she was acting. I really believe she believed she was pregnant.She thought telling the police she was pregnant would result in my nephew coming back to stay in our home. She informed us of such. Said we should let them live together and when she was 18 they would leave. Can you even imagine??? Instead police opened a sex abuse investigation on my nephew. This caused so much family turmoil. My brother's ex wife ( pretty sure she was raised in a barn) was snapping her teeth at me like a cornered feral cat. My brother was worried sick. I was livid. My poor husband was in shock. What a mess....

Well, when that didn't work and the hospital convinced SD that she was not pregnant-  she called cps and reported us for child abuse. My husband and I decided when we picked her up from the hospital to drive her back to her mother's. We threw her clothes into laundry baskets. Told her we were going to her grandma's and just started driving. We drove 9 hours there and dropped her off. Mom wasn't too happy. Neither was cps. 

CPS has charged us with neglect for bringing her to mother. We are disputing it, but honestly I would proudly take that one on the chin if it means freedom from this little girl. My own daughter is 18 years old. My step son too. My youngest step son moved with my mother in law a while ago...So, I am really not concerned. After the misery of raising my step children I would never want a career working in any capacity with children anyway.....God no. 

It has taken weeks just to calm down from all of the emotions I had after this one. I've decided that I can no longer have a relationship of any kind with my SD. I've changed my phone number and my email.. Unfortunately - I no longer trust my nephew and will be stepping back from that relationship as well. 

2021 is looking up. It has been so quiet. No police. No ex wife calling. No visits to mental health. My husband sends a check off on the 1st of the month and so far- things have been so nice. I know it will be short lived. I give SD four months before her mother is calling. But, this time we are "neglectful". She can't come here this time. If my attorney gets the neglect reversed- we plan on never letting her mother know. She can think we are neglectful. That's fine. 

Anyway- I just wanted to let you all know to hang in there. The day will come it is you and your husband/wife/ partner and grown children or no children-  and that day is worth it. I am so fortunate that my husband has finally had his fill of this girl's drama- for real this time. He won't even speak to her.  The bs neglect charge was 1000% worth it. So is the child support mom demanded ( after she never paid a dime for any of her children that I helped raise- owes us over $8,000 in arrears...). 

 

Comments

JRI's picture

What a sick monster she is!  I can hardly imagine what all you have been through, you poor lady.

I hate to tell you this, but in my experience, these mentally ill SDs continue to affect your life forever.  I'm 76 and SD59 is still an uncertain factor in my life.  She had a relatively peaceful period during the 1st marriage, then boom, a divorce and a move back with a baby bringing her usual drama and chaos.  Then another relatively quiet period married to #2 and having 2 more kids.  I think it was more tumultutuus than we knew but #2 tried to contain the chaos.  10 years ago, that marriage blew up and we had a sick (mentally and physically) drug addict on our hands.  Right now, things are temporarily quiet but we are subsidizing her because she cant live on her disability.

All I can say is, help your DH retain his resolve.  My DH is hardening some but still feels responsible for the little darling.

 

 

LadyTremaine81's picture

My husband definitely feels responsible. He had a rough patch when his ex wife left him with the kids years ago. He thinks he dropped the ball then and that's why she has all these issues. Im here to tell you though- he is a fine father. He isnt a cuddly father but the problems with my step daughter aren't anyone's fault. My last conversation with her was about how her actions cannot be blamed on anyone else any longer. 

My husband has an uncle who murdered someone. The kids mother is diagnosed bipolar. My husband struggles with depression. He is a combat veteran and also has some PTSD issues. 

So the kids were probably doomed genetically speaking. 

I fully expect his daughter's life to be a really bad train wreck. It's almost like things go too well and she does her own self in.

NattyLocsQueen's picture

I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I think, knowing myself, I would have kicked that little girl's a!! I've already went to jail once and had my record expunged behind my husband's ex-wife. I would have line that sd of yours up too... Stay encouraged, love!

CLove's picture

Thats horrible! I feel fryour nephew. Shes a crazy, horrible person.

Reminds me of a mini Toxic Troll.

SD21 Feral Forger has moved back in with TT and Christmas morning was crying, pleading and begging to move back in with us. On my phone (speaker). DH stood firm and said "no". Meanwhile Munchkin SD14 was texting me, begging us NOT to let her back in. Texting me "please dont let her back in, Ill destroy myself." Fun times.

Glad that you dont have to deal with her anymore (for now).

justmakingthebest's picture

This is insane!!

How is it neglect to drop her off with her mother after she is making false abuse accusations on your and your husband and your nephew? 

LadyTremaine81's picture

Cps told us to "make a plan" for her after her release. The "plan" we made they did not agree with. They said I was "bonded" to her and her to me. Even more so than with her father. 

It's ridiculous. Our attorney is handling it. I expect it to be reversed, but I will not be telling SD or BM that. They can think im neglectful. It's fine. 

JRI's picture

I posted above about my SD59.  These people dont change.  You can expect her to disrupt your life in various always forever.  Here is what has worked for me: separate finances, grayrock her, make it crystal clear to your DH that she will never, ever move in, no matter how dire her circumstances.

Our SD59 is in a (temporary) quiet period, good for us.  She is here, more in the summer, to help DH83 with yardwork (she's working off some of the $  he gives her).  I don't want her doing household cleaning because I don't trust her, and I've told him that.  When she is here, I'm polite and civil but I don't initiate conversations or share any personal info.  The last two days, she has called to tell me about health situations of 2 people.  First, no one else takes her calls and neither would I but DH sees her # come up and asks me to answer.  Second, she adores drama and illness or accidents qualify so she loves to get this news and share it.  She says, "Im so emotional and sensitive". Yeah, overly sensitive to what affects you, not at all to your effect on others.

Eternal vigilance is the only answer.