I can't sleep it's just one of those nights where my meds are not working. Last weekend BM asked SO if he had plans for Easter and he told her his mom was doing a family thing Saturday and he'd like to have the kids. She told him ok she'd get back to him.
She text him about getting the kids Friday and his exSD would come too. He told her no she couldn't come he's attempted to keep a relationship with her, invited her to come over when he has her siblings, tried to get her to talk to him on the phone and she won't. in almost a year he's seen and spoken to her 1 time when she asked to come for Christmas evening (I predicted presents was her motive and was right)All that was here for her was what his dad dropped by. SO here it is Easter she wants a basket (she's 10) He told BM that if she wanted to be around for holidays she had to visit or go to lunch some times with him or call him, but he wouldn't be taking her to his mom's for Easter, and has already informed his family she's chosen not to remain in his life (this is also the kids BM reported to SO back BEFORE Christmas had written letters saying SO had molested her BM was told by us to report it call the cops etc she back peddled saying she would "take care of it" yet wanted to come for Christmas she did and I made sure to take pic's of her and SO and her sib's with the date stamp on, on the camera as CPS see evidence like that of proof of false allegations)
So BM blows up saying now she doesn't think she's going to let him have them for another holiday she's with held them every holiday since he moved in with me except for 3 hours Christmas evening. they went back and forth SO finally told her "look bring the kids before 5pm Friday if they aren't here by the time we leave for our dinner plans we will be leaving anyway." BM "If I bring them I'll do it when I want to I have plans to and it is MY weekend!"
She showed up at 4:45 his BD got out of the van and BM informed SO his BS wasn't coming he didn't want to, SO said he is 5 and doesn't get to tell adults what he's doing when he walked around the van to get his son she locked the doors screamed profanities at him and took off. (his son always doesn't wan to come cause she leaves him with his uncle to watch WWE, and we don't allow that in our house and this kids already had behavior problems at day care for using wrestling moves on other kids and teachers)
SO has Easter baskets for the kids and will be giving his BD hers tomorrow, his BS will have to wait till next weekend if BM doesn't pull another stunt, SO was tempted to not even give it to him at all and if he throws a fit remind him he didn't want to come he misses out on what we do, but he's 5 and though I kinda agree and if it was up to me I probably wouldn't give him one, he's been taught by BM he calls the shots and she won't make him come (SO's listening now and said that stops soon as he has a court order)
Well we had his daughter I had to get her quickly dressed for Passover dinner at my parents she had on no socks, and no underwear again (they are frequently sent this way and we have gone through 23 pairs of socks and underwear sending them home fully dressed SO agrees no more they come without they go back without)She says she doesn't have underwear on cause she peed the bed at her uncles (where they get dumped all the time) they never wet here in 7mo each has only had one accident and that was early on They still do this with BM (and her brothers) and they still put them in goodnights we got rid of what we had months ago they don't need them. All the time if they are dirty, stinky, half dressed, and his daughters crotch is red and sore (like diaaper rash and yeast infections) they will tell us their aunt didn't put whatever is missing on them or puts girl undies, and princess socks on his son which tells us they aren't staying with BM. His BD also told me her aunt says she has nits and eggs in her hair again (dammit we just finally got rid of this after nearly 4 months) so I check not a nit of anything but her hair stinks and she has dandruff bad.
I get her all ready and she was wonderful through dinner she tried everything at least a bite, and ate everything SO put on her plate (this is not normal for her) she played outside and thanked my parents for a yummy dinner (without prompting) these kids are pretty good they have their quirks that irk us but it's mostly typical age related behavior and they are very polite like my kids. I don't mind them being around but I do mind when SO kinda ignores the bad behavior cause he's doing "something" leaving me to handle it and I have a line on disciplining someone elses kids. So I will pull him away from the "something" a lot and make him do it.
SO apologized for his treatment of me at the lawyers and explained what he was just frustrated and felt like I was acting like he couldn't handle the decisions, and that I never give a straight answer about how I feel if he'd have his kids all the time I don't want that responsibility and I don't know how to tell him except to say he has to make his own decision like I'm not there to help he'd have to do it alone, I have no problem supporting him but I have to focus on my kids, my school and career and won't take on more. I don't want him to expect me to be their second mom but a support person who has boundaries on what I will do when I can and when I feel like it, so how will he handle normal raising of kids if I'm not available.
I feel bad for the kids that BM uses them to try and control SO and make him at her beck and call and she hasn't realized it's not working SO is wise to her and is now excited to get his divorce and custody done so he can work to enforced a CO. I'm excited cause he finally has a good lawyer and the ball starts rolling next week when they write up what SO want for the divorce AND file it with the courts and have her properly served since she never filed with the courts and the papers she gave SO may be stamped but their copies and she didn't have them served. So ball starts in his court.