Missing the sympathy bone?
I'm not so great at sympathy if there is a solution to the problem and just want to bitch, moan, and whine. I even struggle here to be sympathetic, and if the situation warrants sympathy but there's a solution I usually opt out of responding.
My lack of a sympathy bone is SO's current complaint (he rarely has any and we can usually work through our issues when we talk) but this is part of my personality, I like being a fixer usually (when I don't take on too much and my fixing is accepted when it's not and whining continues I get pissy) I'm going to school, and training etc because I can and I'm good at fixing I've got a level medical head on me and I'm great in a hectic situation. I'm gonna rock being a Paramedic (and all the other training I'm adding to be an advanced search, rescue, medic) So if you have a cold here's the solution, a headache I got that solved too, knee hurts let me look at it here's my diagnostic opinion and solution, your cold turned into bronchitis here's what you need to do exposed bone, collapsed lung, missing lung I so got this! Your ex does this or that here's my opinion and solution, relationship problems, coworker issues, boss problems, car problems, parent/kids issues etc, etc, etc. IF you ignore EVERYTHING and do NOTHING I will not baby you and say oh poor you, I'm not made that way! If it's something I can't fix or help with, I have no insight, can't look up answers or point a direction for a solution, I'm good at sympathy when I can't help. I can be there to support and encourage, but I have little to no patience for doing nothing and bitching about it. I'm sure it's irritating sometimes, but don't even think I have sympathy for that.
Yet I'm here on this site, I learn a lot, I hope I give good advice and insight, so is my sympathy bone really missing?
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I agree with you Lalena75. Im
I agree with you Lalena75. Im a bit like you in this respect, even though I too came to this site looking for support. Mostly I just sit and read. What I usually say to people is if you were running a business and you tried a tactic that lost you alot of money, would you do the same thing a second time? Of course you wouldnt. So why, when it comes to emotional issues, do people keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again and expecting a different result each time? Insanity.
Xroads....you call it
Xroads....you call it immaturity....most would call it logic.
Hmm...I've been in nursing
Hmm...I've been in nursing for quite a while and I've never known anyone that knows a cure for the common cold!! Maybe you should go on Shark Tank...I'm sure Kevin O'Leary would buy right in to that one!!!
Other than that, I second what xroads said. Dealing with matters of the heart are emotional and while yes, from the outside it's easy to say "do xyz", it simply is NOT that simple. Yes, I too can deal with most of the scenarios you mentioned. But when my SD6 looks at me and says something about her BM...well, there are a million different options for how I could react, and a million different ways for her to respond to how I react.
Emotions are not medical, nor are they cut and dry. That's why there are PhDs, and MDs. There's a huge difference. You're bleeding? Do xyz. Your heart is aching? Well...I hope you get my drift.
Never said I had a cure for
Never said I had a cure for any of it but solutions that lessen the misery of things. bit of a difference in the spelling of solution and cure but everyone is entitled to misunderstanding.
*Oo look I think I just showed sympathy?* okay sarcasm over (it's been a long week already.
I do realize that not everything including medical is always cut and dry. I guess what I was getting at was really hitting the first wall in mine and SO's relationship, I recognize he'd like sympathy I want to fix the problem rather than listen to whining, he'd rather get the attention he wants/needs by whining and not fixing the issue, but I also don't want to be in a relationship where it's attention seeking ego boosts and fixing someone else, *insert curse words here* but it's how 17 years of my first marriage was, and knowing my personality didn't help the cycle of what eventually became terrible emotional abuse, I'm not sure how to adjust the sympathy/fix it cycle into one that's more balanced and healthy, or is it personal panic from previous trauma making me over think the whole darn thing?
Probably a little bit of
Probably a little bit of both. I'm sorry if I came off as bitchy. I was honestly just kidding. People in "our" situation tend me be a little more emotional and defensive about things, I think that's because a lot of us have built up a wall for self preservation.
Some people are more cut and dry than others. Others are more emotional. I don't think being more emotional about things necessarily makes one more attention seeking. Maybe it's just as hard for your SO to understand how you can be so cut and dry about everything as it is for you to understand how he can't be. Or, maybe he's just being like most men and is being a whiney little bitch when he doesn't get his way, or expects someone else to do everything for him and yet reap all the benefits. Haha. Oh no, that's my DH. Haha.
Some people honestly don't see a cut and dry solution for their problem. Some because they really just can't see things that way, others because they refuse to see it and just would rather bitch and moan.
I too would rather fix the issue than complain and complain and complain about it. Because well, if I fix it there's nothing else to complain about and that makes everyone happier. Maybe suggest to your SO the way that you can see to fix whatever issues you're having, and see if he responds?
I didnt see where Lalena75
I didnt see where Lalena75 said she had a "cure" for the common cold, just a bad choice of words on her part. Obviously there are certain things you can do to ease a cold which I think is what she meant. Granted an aching heart is harder and will take longer to "fix" than a bleed, but it can be done with common sense. Apart from things out of your control such as a death, an aching heart is usually caused by a lack of taking care of yourself and ignoring your instincts. Same principle.
I think I'm at an especially
I think I'm at an especially low tolerance this week and it's showing. I rarely get like this, but I've taken on a lot at the moment and SO just switched shifts and he's been more bitchy whiny me me me ish lately because I've not had a minute extra in over a week, his exsd stole from me and my kid and damn don't make me defend my kids in their own home *grrrr momma bear feelings here*, and I'm struggling to decide quit my job and hope a way to pay the bills appears and get through this internship, or hope I can pull off both which isn't going well at all or keep plowing ahead harder not having any idea if it will work and failure cannot happen! So he's being needy when I'm needing support and I don't ask for help and support I just keep plowing through to the other side and get mad about it (control issue I'm very actively working on and that SO is proud of because I know it's not good for me)
I read most of the posts and thought before I responded because sometimes I think the harsh things are the hardest to hear but sometimes there is wisdom there if you can hear it.
It really sounds like you
It really sounds like you need a deep breath, and a drink!! I've been there, grad school, ft job, guilty daddy, skids, court, BMdrama, the works. It isn't easy. But rarely things worth having are.
Idk the specifics of your situation, but my advice to you would be the advice I got myself not too terribly long ago. Do what makes you happy, and will make your life better. In my case, it was continue with grad school, and continue working because I knew regardless of (f at the time) DH and I's relationship I knew I wanted to do that for me. I continued to work FT bc well, I knew I wanted to continue with that company and didn't want to a.burn bridges and b. I love it there and didn't want to give that time away. DH wanted me to quit completely bc of the stress from wedding planning addin to everything and I stood firm. No. Yes, other things slacked. I was grouchy, I bitched more than I should've probably, but ya know what? In the end, that's the one thing I did completely for myself and no one else and I can't tell you how happy I am that I did.
So, do what makes you happy, and will make your life better. And, go grab a pitchers of margaritas