I finally met with SD's therapist. Wow.
I finally met with SD11 and her therapist. I didn't want to do it, but DH said I really need to do it. DH says that the therapist needs to hear what I have to say because I'm a piece to the puzzle. My concern this whole time is that SD is telling the therapist what she wants her to hear and know, but leaving out the real half of the stories. DH met with the therapist a few times as well in the past weeks and he says that now the therapist has a better understanding of the real situation. My concerns came true: SD was making DH and I out to be terrible people. The therapist pointed out inconsistencies in SD11's stories/issues/complaints etc.
SD told the therapist that DH and I don't care about anything regarding her. SD also told the therapist that DD7(SD's half sister, DH and mines daughter) is a completely different person when I'm not around. She said that DD7 is mean to her and won't listen to her. The therapist and I asked for examples and SD talked in circles and wasn't making sense. During our session, SD says "DD doesn't understand that I'm older and bigger than her. DD doesn't get it. I AM BIGGER THAN HER. I AM THE OLDEST AND SHE NEEDS TO GET IT!!! I WILL ALWAYS BE BIGGER THAN HER, NO MATTER WHAT!" It almost sounded hostile and the therapist took a ton of notes during the outburst. The therapist and I explained that DH and I do not want SD trying to mother DD. We have explained this to SD many times at home.
I don't know if SD has told her therapist that she wants to really have a relationship with me,(DH says that SD says during counseling she wants a good relationship with me) but from what I saw and heard during this session: She doesn't. and it was clear. And thats okay with me. I know I have tried. DH knows I've tried and now the therapist knows I've tried. I'm not some evil step monster that I have been portrayed to be. I think SD is just saying she does to make the counselor or DH happy I guess. These are SD's issues and if she doesn't want to work on them/move past them/get over them then I can't do anything else but disengage..
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Exactly. SD wants to continue
Exactly. SD wants to continue to be mean and rude to DD and BS. Not be responsible for for her words and actions. SD wants to continue to play victim and be babied.
SD's idea of a good relationship is allowing her to dictate our lives, taking her out to expensive restaurants and dropping stupid amounts of money on her for her millions of requests. That's not gonna happen.. ever. We're not like that in this house.
So, was the therapist able to
So, was the therapist able to offer any suggestions for how to move forward to progress? Did she address the outburst with SD?
The outburst was during the
The outburst was during the last few minutes of the session. To be continued I suppose. The therapist asked SD if there was anything SD would like to do with me. SD just said No. The therapist asked SD what things/hobbies SD enjoyed. SD said "reading by myself"
The session is an hour long and we're the last clients in before the office closes for the evening. We spent about 45 minutes trying to get SD to talk. SD was very reluctant to talk about anything and when she was asked questions, her usual response was "I don't know"
Do you look to have another
Do you look to have another session with her?
Tomorrow. The therapist asked
Tomorrow. The therapist asked if I could come back. I agreed. The look on SD's face was hilarious. SD has enjoyed her little secret sessions with her therapist, but now that we're no longer doing anymore he said she said, SD isn't enjoying it as much. Even DH noticed that some of the things SD has been saying are very far fetched and almost delusional. The therapist sees it as well.
She means that because she is
She means that because she is bigger than DD, DD has to listen to her and respect her. This double standard also existed with my stepchildren when they were younger, they believed that seniority in age gave them the right to tell those younger than them what to do, but the teenagers were opposed to the idea that my seniority in age meant that I had the right to tell them what to do!
I think jealousy and resentment of younger siblings sometimes crystallises in these issues of power and authority, my SS decided it was the most unfair thing in the world that he was not allowed to order my younger children with DH around. He felt so strongly about it that he refused to come to the house and endure this curtailing of his authority.