Good session with the therapist

I'm a slow learner. I've finally been able to do what she's been trying to explain to me for months. (Not take DHs emotions/accusations onto me, to have firm, firm, firm boundaries.) And now DH is freaking out (see previous posts). This session I came in with a list of all that's happened since my last session with her because there's no way I'd remember it all. I read her off the list and told her it was her choice which one to address.

Basically the results are that yes, it is a conflict of interest to have her be DHs therapist or our couple's therapist. She agreed it seems as though he's trying to hand me his emotions to manage them for him or turn things around so he can vent at me and try to control something since he seems like he feels like he is not in control (of himself but she talked about people with anxiety needing to control everything thinking that will make them feel better). Like all of you, she confirmed that I was handling his rantings properly and telling him to bugger-off when he started accusing me of things, putting words in my mouth. And that he probably is getting "worse" since he's unable to off-load things. She and I are in a wait-and-see spot right now since DH has only had one therapy session: see if he can make any breakthroughs for himself.

ITB2012's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

See - she has good boundaries

See - she has good boundaries, unlike Dr. X, who will see everyone in the family in any grouping.

She said something interesting about that

She knows the guy. She said he may consider himself a "family" therapist where he is willing to see all the people in various capacities. I still am not on board with that. And, if/when we get to couple's therapy I will not be seeing him with DH. We will need a third party.

But she was curious if the "no" I was telling her for each try DH made was me saying it or if I thought she wouldn't do it. I said it was a "no" from me, regardless of her stance.

See, I've done a lot of

See, I've done a lot of Family Therapy and that is appropriate to see people separately ONLY if they are part of the same family and it's part of the same treatment episode. So if a whole family comes in, the therapist might see the family, then the parents, then one parent, then a kid, then the family again.

That's not what this guy is doing - because you and DH having marriage counseling is a different treatment episode than BM and DH bringing a child in, etc. No way should he be seeing DH, his ex, his current wife, and his kids. You aren't all a family.

That's what I figured

and why I won't go see him. And, we didn't start this set of therapy together with the understanding that he'd be our "family" therapist. (DH does not seem to remember that he told me about going to therapy with BM to her therapist after she'd been going for a while and that he felt like it was just a couple of sessions to beat on him. Hm, ya think that might happen here?)