I spent the day with Princess on campus Saturday. After being snowed in so many days, I couldn't stand the thought of a three day weekend stuck at home. During the snow days, I had discovered that Gibby thought college was like "Hogwarts," and all the classes where in the same building where you eat and live. I figured a visit to see Princess would give us time to BEGIN to patch things up, and let Gibby see where his sis lives.

We had a nice visit. The first 2 hours was mostly him. He wouldn't shut up, which was fine with me. Lunch was very strained. It was raining, so we had to cancel our plans for hiking and a picnic. I'd thought an activity would take the pressure off trying to talk. She kept telling me little things, and asking me stuff. I never really said anything. Finally she slammed her fist on the table and said, "Answer me, dammit."

I didn't want to say anything, since she never agrees with me, and only gets mad. That's not why I wanted to visit. But that got the ball rolling, and she opened up about a few things. Sadly, they were all things she prefaced with "Don't tell Dad."

1. Her new boyfriend is 25. She's 18.
2. Her large insurance settlement she got in September is all gone already. She gave over $3000 to Loca Grande. (Not a penny to us, even though she knew we were struggling to get back on our feet after Loghead lost his job last winter...)
3. She's on academic probation.

Inside my head, I'm screaming "I gotta tell Loghead!" But I know from previous comments on steptalk that she's not my responsibility anymore. I don't think she's an adult yet, but she is 18, and not living under our roof. I STRONGLY encouraged her to tell her father ASAP, especially about the academics, because he'll find out as we begin to work on finances and loans for next school year. I told her that was her big step along the road to earning the title "adult." She made choices and actions that have consequences, and now she has to deal with them.

We talked about Loca Grande for a long time. I asked veiled questions, trying to see if Loca Grande had said anything to her about cancer. (Loca Grande has been telling me she has cancer, but doesn't want to talk about it our have the kids know.) Loca Grande had been up there last Sunday and taken her and her roommate out, and was also up Wednesday afternoon. She sat in the library for a few hours so Princess could cruise around town with friends in Loca Grande's convertible. She said Loca Grande planned to come back on Sunday also, and was going to bring her a new bike to have on campus.

She said she gave the money to Loca Grande as a test; that Loca Grande had asked her for it so she could pay for PITA's braces. She said she thought about taking it straight to the ortho, but wanted to know if Loca Grande would be honest and responsible. (Uh, in 18 years you thought $3000 was the way to test this?!) After questioning her she admitted it's her money that's probably making the car payments, and also probably bought the new computer Loca Grande has, as well as some new furniture and other things...

nice.

She doesn't want to tell Loghead any of it, because she's afraid he will hate her, and tell her she's being like Loca Grande.

I really kept my mouth shut. There isn't anything I really can do. But, by keeping my mouth shut, at least she will know she can come to me, and that could help her.

I told her she needs therapy. She didn't really want to hear that. "There's nothing wrong with me. I'm not like Loca Grande."

She said in tears it would have been easier if Loca Grande had been one of those parents that just took off after she lost custody. I told her that would have just made a whole other set of problems. She asked me if she could just cut ties. I told her that was something she needed a therapist for. I can't answer that for her...

Thanks to steptalk, I didn't answer anything for her. But hopefully guided her to the right path...