12 years ago today, I said "I do." Those two simple words changed my life upside down. In that moment, I became a wife, a mother, a "last-wife," a daughter in law, a sister in law, a drill sargeant, a maid, a cook, a nurse, an event planner, a personal assistant, and many days, a bitch. And I'd do it all again.

Dorothyparkerwannabe once wrote about the evolution of stepparenting. I've been through it all. And I survived it. I'm stronger because of it. I know in the classroom, it actually makes me a better teacher. I feel like it makes me a better bio-mom, cause I see the things I did with the skids, thinking at the time it was the right thing to do, but now I get to do it again with Gibby.

I feel many days like I am living my life in reverse. Most couples meet, fall in love, get married, and a few years down the road, they have children...

Me? I'm waiting till it's just me and Gibby and Loghead. Then, one day, it will be just us. And we can go do all the things I feel like we never got to do. Sleepy vacations in far away places. Traveling to museums and places we only see on the History Channel.

The first few years of our marriage were filled with a lot of pain. So many people I loved and had admired all my life did not want me to marry Loghead. They actually disowned me, and cut me out of certain family traditions. I also was dealing with the news I wouldn't be able to have my own children. We were going through discussions of adoption and foster care, and finally acceptance. And then I got the flu that just wouldn't go away... Gibby is truly the piece of the puzzle that made us a family.

I love Loghead with all my heart. He is a true Renaissance man, and I never know what project he might be in next. This week, it is obviously cattle. A few weeks ago, it was a shipment of rockets that arrived from ebay. Weeks before that, he and Gibby were studying old readings of Leonardo DaVinci's and were making plans to build a giant kite. The craft closet in the garage is full of paints and brushes and camera parts, axes for the log cabin, and miscellaenous tools and pieces to who- knows- what.

As a young woman I was drawn to his sense of "right." loca Grande left him a broken man, young and alone, truly on his own, with three young children. Starting over in a new town, with a new job, trying to do right by them. Every day I love that he fought so hard for them and their safety. I can't ever forget that, I shouldn't, but sometimes I do. Sometimes it seemed like the thing I loved most about him was the thing that was going to tear us apart. I know "father" was always at the top of his list, but sometimes I had to remind him "husband" should have first priority.

12 years later, he still makes me laugh. He may not be as sensitive and as thoughtful as he once was, but the weight of the world changes us all. When the kids were little, I guess a "little" debt, didn't hurt, if it meant a night out for us. Now it means 3 kids in college in the next 3 years; and he was out of work for 9 months.

I've learned to tell him what I need and to be more direct. He isn't a mind reader. (FYI- In case you didn't know- no man is.) If i want something from him, sometimes I have to tell him. "I am sad because of ____ and I need a hug." If that doesn't help, bribery sometimes does, and fortunately for me, my man runs on chocolate almost as much as he runs on sex. "Hey, I bought a KitKat today, you can have it if you'll listen to me for 5 minutes..."

(Another FYI- Men are a lot like children.)

I have followed the evolution pretty much as dorothyparkerwannebe writes it out. For a long time, I did not want to admit there were problems in our marriage, problems with the skids Some people don't even know I'm a stepmom. Few people know my darkest secrets, the ones that truly made me want to leave. But even through our worst, darkest hours, I stood by. Admittedly, mainly out of stubbornness, and not wanting to hear "I told you it wouldn't work" from anyone.

Sometimes I stayed for him. More often than not, it was the skids that kept me here. Even though they were what was driving us apart, I knew I was their "constant." I was the stable one, the only they could always depend on. I literally didn't think Princess could survive watching her father go through another divorce. Even though in the last few years, she was the one pushing me the most, causing the most trouble. I know Gibby and I could go on. If i'd left, I'd have made sure things were friendly, but the skids would be lost. And I wasn't upsetting them again.

So yea, as much as I love Loghead, and I do, with all my heart, most days I love the kids more. Even when I don't like them, I love them. I am mom. I am the wife. And yes, most days, I guess that makes me the maid. (That's truly were Disney got it all wrong- it wasn't Cinderella doing all the work, it was the "evil" stepmother!)

I should request better wages, but a night out with Loghead tonight witll suffice. PITA volunteered the other day to babysit. Maybe he won't make such a bad grown up. He sucks as a teenager. But I guess all teenage boys do. And Princess will come around- and hopefully her heart won't have to be broken by Loca Grande again before it happens.

This fairy tale isn't really ending; it's just beginning a new chapter