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Do You Love Your Spouse (Unconditionally) .... Be Honest lol!

Lillywy00's picture

The disneyland dad claimed I did not love him unconditionally. 

And I agreed. 

I think he was taken aback. 

But somewhere he was sold some naive fantasy fairytale that most couples never experience.

That your partner/spouse will unconditionally love you

Maybe this is just me but the moment my spouse cheats, destroys our financial security, treats me our our kids abusively, etc.....I'm safely peacing out of that relationship as quickly as possible. 

This is unlike parents who love and may continue to stick around for their kids even if they're being treated horribly by them.

Parents typically love their kids unconditionally, spouses typically love/stick by their partners but there are conditions, therefore spouses do not usually love each other unconditionally. 

 

Comments

justmakingthebest's picture

I dont think it's fair to even think that there is unconditional love from a spouse. 

If you find child porn on your husband's computer, do you stand by him like Anna Duggar? No. 99.999% of people would let him rot in jail.

If you find out that he has a secret meth addiction, do you continue to "work on it". Most would say hell no.

Unconditional love would suggest that even those extreme examples would be fine to stay in a marriage. Obviously, they are not. 

Now, do my husband and I have an incredible friendship and do I trust him with all of my heart? Yes! If he betrays that trust will I feel the same? Doubtful. 

We both have to do our parts to make our love and the family we have built last and succeed. But, it's not unconditional. We both have deal breakers.

missgingersnap2021's picture

Off topic but Holy Crap I just google Josh Dugger! I knew he had been accused of touching his sisters when they were all younger. But I  dont know how I missed the child pornograpghy and 12 year prison sentence!!! 

justmakingthebest's picture

Oh yeah! If you haven't watched Shiny Happy People yet- DO IT! 

JRI's picture

Love for a spouse is different from other loves.  In particular, when a spouse's actions imperil the kids, it's a no- brainer.  My exDH, a handsome, funny man I loved, got into drugs.  If it had been just me, I would probably have stayed with him.  With DS and DD in the picture, sayonara exDH.

la_dulce_vida's picture

You can LOVE someone unconditionally, but you don't have to STAY with them if they are betraying you or hurting you on some level.

Loving someone unconditionally doesn't mean you allow them to treat you poorly.

Loving someone conditionally sounds like: I will love you if you don't get fat, if you don't get sick, if you don't lose your job, if you don't change.

Loving someone unconditionally means you show up and love them. But if their BEHAVIOR is harmful or destructive, it's NOT wrong to say, "I won't put up with this."

shamds's picture

Not dependent on treating one another as an atm, indefinite babysitter, maid etc or like a transactional relationship like many feral skids we read about here. 
 

that being said, a spouse needs to understand we aren't bounded biologically but connected through marriage, the kids we jointly created and gave birth to or adopted together etc. so if you treat your spouse/partner with contempt, disrespect, abuse etc or take them for granted, provide and encourage a toxic home environment then don't expect them to stick around.

Thats how I interpret things as loving your spouse unconditionally to this extent

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I don't believe in the idea of unconditional love. I thinks it's a construct that was a pop psychology daring for a while, nothing more.

I think we can and should love when it's safe and healthy to do so, but that we should always have standards and healthy limits concerning the people we allow into our lives.

I love my DH, but not unconditionally. 

halo1998's picture

I agree..unconditional love just doesn't exist

Ispofacto's picture

Yep. I don't even love my children unconditionally.

 

Lillywy00's picture

Ikr! The moment they act like domestic t3rrorist they'll be shipped off to the nearest military boarding school, juvenile detention, or wherever....I'll love ''em from a distance

ESMOD's picture

You know.. I read the title question.. and I thought.. Yes.. I love my DH unconditionally.. like.. even when I am spitting nails mad at him or irritated with him for leaving his socks and underwear on the bathroom floor again.. I still want to be married to him.. still love him.

But.. as LDV said.. if someone I loved treated me poorly.. or was suffering from some addiction that made them do things that would hurt me or my family in some way.. would I allow them to stay with me and cause the pain and suffering? No.. I would not do that.

But I guess it goes to the point where I love the man that I believe to be the man I married unconditionally... BUT.. if he turned out to NOT be the man I thought he was.. was a pedo.. or murderer (for no good reason)..or an abuser... then I would likely mourn the fact that he was not, in fact, the person I thought he was.. and not love the person he "really" was.

But, I have certainly still loved my DH when he has done things I didn't like.. even when he was making choices that didn't always work out in our favor financially.. when he was sick.. when he was selfish (we all are at times.. I'm not necessarily saying he is a selfish person).. so, I don't think our relationship is absolutely transactional.. vs unconditional.

thinkthrice's picture

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha  (breathe)

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

classyNJ's picture

HAHAHA!  I love DH, but yes there are conditions.

He knows the ONLY one that loves him unconditionally is the dog

Shieldmaiden's picture

Unconditional love.... it does not mean that you don't have to be a good person and work on yourself. This guy has some nerve!

Rags's picture

Unconditional love does not mean unconditional acceptance of unacceptable behaviors.

Even with kids. There are conditions that they must meet and should be held accountable for meeting.

My own parents would differentiate between loving me, and liking me. "I love you but I do not like you very much right now."  Then they would define what was causing me to be not particularly liked.

Eventualy, even the love for a child can end if they do not catch a clue and meet the standards of behavior they should be requried to deliver to.  

IMHO of course.

halo1998's picture

I love you but I DO NOT like you right now.  

I explained look I love you because you are my kid...I, however, do not like your attitude, actions whatever.  

I was trying to figure out how to say exactlly this...I love people but that doesn't mean I will put up with unacceptable behavior from them.