The End Is Coming….
I suppose I will need to call this engagement off at some point and my mind is turning to mush so I don't know the best way/time/place to do it.
I want to do it in a way that we both have time to process it and I can safely move out/on. In the past when I've ended relationships I've had men try to cause me emotional and physical harm so I don't put anything past anyone and I am a bit worried if I give him too much notice that he will have time to retaliate against me somehow or if I don't give him enough notice that he will retaliate against me for "blindsiding" him.
Delulu Disneyland Dad has been acting better (I think mainly due to not wanting me to ignore him / wanting me to splurge on him for his birthday) and I started to second guess myself (maybe what I've been complaining about isn't that bad but the therapist reminded me about "didn't he say he wanted full custody?" and "out of all your complaints, do you see yourself dealing with these step parent blending obstacles indefinitely?"
I guess I should wait to tell him sometime after his birthday once I have procured my next place. I hope I say the right thing and we can mutually peacefully end it
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Don't wait until after his
Don't wait until after his birthday. Tell him.
How many of your birthdays has he made special?
Telling
Well, you could always just text after youve moved out????
Im a favor of the good old sit down but that hasnt worked out well for me recently.
Exactly
We are talking about extremely immature and narcissistic individuals here to tell them in advance would cause them to go nuclear. I vote for note left on the kitchen counter.
"Can no longer deal with your lifestyle. Good luck in your future relationship endeavors."
Omg love it!!!
Omg love it!!!
I wouldn't tell him then have
I wouldn't tell him then have to live with him for days/weeks/moths after. Tell him when you are ready to do it.
Or better yet
AFTER!
if you have fear, bring in an
if you have fear, bring in an audience so you're not alone w/ him but if you're going to tell him make sure you are prepared to leave as soon asyou'e done speaking.
why buy him a birthday gift if you're leaving anyway.
what percentage are you ready right now? are you mostly ready w/ an apartment or somewhere to live lined up?
are you still considering staying?
unless you're 100% mentally ready and 75% packed/place lined up, don't tip your hand.
Im 100% certain I need to end
I've moved about 35% of my stuff into storage
Im 100% certain I need to end this because his expectations are out of this world and there is no benefit to me to marry into this mess. He's running a scattered child-led operation (with no plans of improving) and I can't live like that.
I'm working on an apartment or house right now and ideally I would like to be out within a month or less
But I think y'all have a point to wait until I've signed the paperwork on my next place to tell him since I'm not certain he will be mature otherwise
Good point on having other people around just in case
Tell him AFTER
You have moved out via note left on the kitchen counter. To do otherwise would result in some sort of escalation either emotional or physical. There is no requirement or obligation to tell him anything. Deep down these guys know they are s*** parents and partners. Think of it as a bad tenancy.
Another for AFTER
This "dude" has shown you how he can project, blame and whatever else to NOT take responsibility for his sickening parenting skills. No telling what he'll do when he realizes he's loosing his access to YOUR money. Get the rest of your stuff moved out and once you have signed your lease t the new place, tell him as you walk out the door....with friends there as witneses. Before you do that, have him BLOCKED on your phone and email and DO NOT give him your new address.
As for his birthday, pffft. Let his kids plan a celebration and spend their allowance on dear ole Disneyland dad. LOL
As for his birthday, pffft.
Omg best quote ever
He can think of the note
Left on the counter as a b-day present...i.e. who cares about his b-day or what he thinks
Please do not over think this or over consider him.
No prior notice, just go. I would not even leave him a note. Have your attorney contact him. He has not been a viable partner. You owe him not a thing.
Take care of you.
His issues are his to deal with. Have a RO/PO ready for immediate filing if he or his decide to be an ass.
If I recall correctly, you own a home together. I would have your attorney ready to immediatly force the sale of the home or force a full market value buy out of your interestests in the home.
When my XW and I split the blanket, the house was the final hurdle. That took about 3.5yrs to resolve after the divorce was final. She had zero legal interest in the home as it was awarded to me in the divorce. She ended up moving into it after the lease to own I set up fell through. She payed the mortgage for 3.5 years then decided she wanted the house. Thinking she could rip me off she wanted to sell it and keep the money.
Nope, she sent me a quit claim deed and $10 cashiers check. I sent it back unsigned.
She lost her mind, got her lawyer envolved, to no avail and had to buy me out in order to sell the home. She ended up taking care of the sale, paying the realty fees, and got nothing but a few $K. I got 95% of the equity in the home.
After she sold it, she lost her mind over how little she got.
Agreed
IF you plan on telling him AT ALL, tell him AFTER the fact. Your prerogative.
One more vote for "tell him
One more vote for "tell him after." People can be weird during breakups. Best to stay safe.
We know you still LOVE him
But love isn't everything. You know you can't live like this. YOu can't be fourth in line behind SD and BM. You know this is not going to change
Thank you Harry! I appreciate
Thank you Harry! I appreciate your male perspective.
I do have feelings of guilt and sadness for what I'm about to do but I know in the long run it's for the best for me to have my own space sans skids.
Your STBex seems volatile. I
Your STBex seems volatile. I wouldn't trust him not to get violent or at least destructive. He certainly will make the time between notification and moving out stressful. Start spring cleaning and organizing now. Have everything ready to go except essentials. Move out while he's a work. Leave a note if you must. Stay safe.
Good point about spring/fall
he's moody and sometimes he's nice and patient but other times he's totally unreasonable, pissy, petty, immature, militant, and debatative
Good point about spring/fall cleaning and just leave the essentials so when it's time to go then it will be quick/easy to do the final exit from that house.
The less said, the better.
The less said, the better.