SS11 has spent the day gushing out to DH everything about BM and her BF. It started with
1. how he wants to live with us next year when he turns 12 but his mom said No, it's her choice. DH explained to SS how it actually works and showed him the CO; that it's his decision as long as he has good reason.
2. The BF is a "jerk." He's rough and emotionally abusive. He tried to tell a story about how they were playing and he got knocked down. No dice kid, it was an accident. But then he started talking about the way this guy talks to him. He's never even seen my DH; but his favorite topic of conversation is how DH is a bad father and doesn't love him. He also mocked him (like a child does on the school play ground) for being excited about coming to visit.
3. DH is a "dead beat" because doesn't pay child support so it has to be taken from his paycheck. (DH ELECTED for this as it makes things much easier and he doesn't have to think about it and knows it gets done.)

So tonight, because SS is brainwashed he divulged everything he's been talking about with DH to BM on the phone. She was so irate we could hear the lecture from the other side of the apartment.
BM tells SS that BF is just trying to toughen him up. That he NEEDS toughening up and that BF is shaping him in a way that DH could never do.
DH is in the bedroom now with SS speaking with him about it. SS just said he is "SO SCARED of BM". I think it comes out of being upset...but who knows. He said is very confused. I would be too with so much conflicting information. Regardless, I suggested a call to CPS just as a precaution. I can hear them from here... he's flip flopping on his feelings about the BF. " He's nice but", "well I mean", "I can't talk to anyone"....etc. DH has been very careful not to give opinions on the matter, but only to talk SS through thinking things out for himself and assessing his own situations.
I, however suggested to DH that he tell SS to at least text his grandparents about it whenever he feels something isn't right. I know, I shouldn't be making suggestions... but I'm not a complete monster. His situation sucks and he's lost.

UGH. I just told DH THIS MORNING about how that family needs to be separate from mine. I don't want to hear about them. It only makes it seem okay for him to blurt out everything about our family to them. I'm uncomfortable with hearing about their house, the BF, all of it. I don't want our finances, living situation, house, etc to be any of their business, and vice versa.