You are not evil, you are practical. Why would you spend money on clothing that is not worn or appreciated. Your DH needs to take HIS child shopping as you did yours.

Glad you had a nice day with your kids. I remember back to school shopping with my DD. It was always fun.

The exact same thing used to happened to me! I love to shop for my kids-and that used to include ss. I'd shop out of season, get awesome deals- I enjoyed it. When ss hit about 10 (I've been his sm since he was 2) I noticed that stopped wearing what I was buying. Which was super unfortunate as I was pretty much the only person buying him clothes. Yet, he would prefer to wear a hand me down tshirt from his 1/2 sisters at bm's over a brand new Abercrombie tshirt. So I started buying less-which did trigger my dh into picking up more stuff. And he sort of took over. However, I was almost always with dh when he did-so it seemed if ss got wind that it was ME that purchased something he'd just refuse to wear it.

This really hit home when he was about 11 or 12. He had moved in with bm by that time but was still with us eowe and we still provided most of his clothes. He had commented to my ds who was just a year younger that he really liked his jeans-that they were "cool"-so for xmas-I make sure I go buy two of the exact same brand, same style jeans for ss. When he opened them he seemed happy, until I made a comment-"I heard you tell ds that you liked his so I got you the same kind" It was the kiss of death. He was with us for 12 days-and refused to wear them the entire time. Continued to wear the same pair of pants over and over. I even suggested, before going out, that he put them on he refused. I asked him to try them on-he refused. I finally told him right before he left for the holidays-if he did not plan on ever wearing them to please leave them here as my ds could wear them. He left them here. So I went ahead and gave them to ds. After a month or two the kid did decided he wanted them back-but yeah, sorry too late.

That pretty much ended my clothes purchasing for him. He's 15 now and actually reliant on my mil to buy his clothes now. He looks like crap. But oh well, his choice.

Its not a competition and I also informed DH that I am taking my bios for their back to school shopping on a weekend SD and SS are with their mother - why? Because its easier. I also informed DH if he wanted to plan a back to school shopping to let me know when he planned it (Id be happy to tag along, but that is his job to plan)

DH is all about being fair. Fair is not equal, this is a concept that has been difficult to discuss with DH. You see, BM takes SD and SS back to school shopping, so why do we have to take them too? Noone else takes my bios, just me. I don't feel the need to include SD or SS in my bio back to school shopping.

A few years back I pulled the plug on it leaving DH to fend for himself with his kids on back to school shopping. He got upset about the exclusion, I said, so let me get this straight, BM is allowed to take the skids for full back to school shopping, then we turn around and do it all again 'as a family' when do I get to take my kids and spend the time like BM does with hers? Why is it a sin to want time with just my kids and why do the skids need twice the trips for twice the stuff? That seemed to click.

I have no issue with DH wanting to do some back to school shopping with his kids, go for it, but why do I have to want to and why do my kids have to lose their back to school shopping trip with me - it was something we always did before DH and the skids and its not something I really want to share.

If DH feels strongly, he can plan his own bio back to school trip ... but he doesn't. That is on him, not me.

The only 'mistake' you made (IMO) was displaying the 'newness' about the picture day outfit where SD would notice. None of her business what DD is wearing, how many outfits each kid got blah blah blah...but she is a kid and therefore thinks like a kid.

'Layout' outfit (new stuff) by putting the chosen new one front and center in DD's closet (all ready to reach in and go) along with whatever chosen accessories neatly in top drawer (ready to just open draw and go). Stuff is there, ready, not a 'secret' just not a 'hey look, so and so got something and not you'. It's simply not displaying out front the differences in shopping habits between your bios and DH's shopping habits with his daughter. I doubt the SD actually takes inventory if it wasn't appearing like an item is new and special. Yeah, SD might notice DD got something at some time (no idea when or for what) but it does not red flag the differences. I'll assume SD gets clothing new now and then (whether from her Dad, Mom or her maternal side of the family) that your DD isn't included in. Not every kid living/visiting in two different homes is going to get something at the very same time somebody else did. If SD arrived your house with a new top, I doubt DD would turn to you and ask 'Mom, did I get one'.

As your SD it see it and ask, I think a simple 'You know your father is planning on taking you shopping and no, I have no idea as to what you and Dad will find and/or buy, but I'm sure Dad and you will have a good time and you'll receive some nice things'...end of scene, kid dismissed.

No reason in the world you should be expected to take the SD shopping and/or finance her back to school clothing. That's her father's/BM's responsibility . But no reason to make the girl feel left out or forgotten either.

I'm so d*mn ready for school to start and to not see a kid for 6 to 8 hours. I'm tired of kids. Tired of kids whining and tired of all the back to school getting ready crap. Come this Friday it is a totally me, me, me day