When is a child responsible for their actions?
Wow - I think I'll utilize this site now that I've found it!
My DH and I are not speaking at this time. I found out last night that SD busted something else in the house and he covered up for her AGAIN. I'm more pissed at him than I am her. Every time she breaks something, whether it be house rules or material items, he ALWAYS covers for her! He tells me I'm too hard on her.
Oh - did I tell you she is 15? I do believe she is old enough to be held responsible for her actions. The recent event is she busted one of the pickets in the stairway railing. You can't even budget them...so what was she doing to actually snap one in two? I'm sure she wasn't acting like a 15 year old young lady~!
I'm sick of him covering for her mistakes. This world is going to chew her up and spit her out...when he isn't able to cover for her mistakes.
Any advice? She really puts a strain on our relationship. She lives with us and visits her BM 2 nights a MONTH. I keep telling myself I just have 3 more years until she graduates! I've already survived the past 2 years.
How do I keep my sanity????????
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I'm no professional, but I
I'm no professional, but I believe that you have to teach accountability from day 1. I don't know what the magic age for "knowing better" is but I think that by the time you are near your teens, you should have some basic sense of right and wrong.
Have you ever considered family counseling so the 3 of you can work this situation out?
We did family counseling
We did family counseling during the first year. I didn't think we were making a real "Family unit". The 3 of us went but nothing really came of it. (3 sessions...)
Sounds like she's old enough
Sounds like she's old enough to be guilting him into covering for her. Or maybe he just feels like it's really not a big deal. Sounds like it's a big deal to you though, and I think that you need to have a serious discussion with him and then with the two of them. Let them know that this is your home too, not some playhouse, free-for-all....I'm rooting for you!!!
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Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
Anton Chekhov
Yes - I feel like she
Yes - I feel like she doesn't respect our home...which we purchased after the marriage. So we all moved in here as a family. I understand that BM is a pack rat and never cleans the home. My DH was the one that kept the place clean. I have to get on SD about hanging her clothes in the closet and not piling them in the corner of her room. She broke her dresser drawer this week...how do you do that? I just don't get it.
We were considering purchasing a Wii system for Christmas...but that would just be a costly gift that I'm sure she'll find a way to break! (Think I'll save that money!)
lol the quick answer to the
lol the quick answer to the title question is when DH is not around.
As for the sanity... just let go... everything makes more sense when you're insane.
Ps A 15 year old KNOWS what they're doing. Start taking something from DH to pay for what she breaks and maybe he'll know what shes doing to!
Claim insanity the next time
Claim insanity the next time I find something broken! LOL
And I bit my tongue Friday night and left the house for a couple of hours. Since we aren't talking now...I probably should have just said what was on my mind and given them both something to think about. (Or talk about after I left the house.)
Yes - he did pay for the first item. About 1 month after we moved into the new house, she broke a glass shade on my living room lamp. That cost $55 and took almost 4 months for the replacement to come in. (And boy did I let her know it everything I went to use it during that 4-month period.)
The answer to your question
The answer to your question is...NEVER!
When it comes to Skids, they are never responsible for their own actions. For example...my SS14 has the tendency to turn my house upside dowm with screaming mathches and get everyone (including my FH) all worked up, then the next morning or even five minutes later, he acts like everything is just fine and wants everyone to bounce back to normal after he just created WW3 and there are wounded hearts everywhere.
My FH wants is able to bounce back and when I'm still left feeling angry and hurt, everyone looks at me like the crazy person! ugh it's so frustrating.
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Stand up strait, take a deep breath, exhale and smile
Do they just play on the
Do they just play on the fact that their parents are divorced...so PITY me? I don't know that I want to stick around to see the SD make it to her 20's. I've only been married for 2 years...that would be another 5 years away.
I've spent so much time praying about WHAT I should do. I'm not one to throw in the towel...but I'm not happy about the DH/SD duo. I guess it is natural for my DH to protect his child. But a life of deception is not what I was looking for. Still praying...
I've been to court about a
I've been to court
about a dozen times between my two boys,, my second one (now16) is worse
then my first one,(19) last week he had to deal with three charges at once and we still have one pending???? OMG, I'm so tired of the finger being pointed at the parents? I feel these kids are resonsible for them selves peirod. My Boys know right from wrong, good from bad, I swear they just think they are above the law, and they are untoughable,, well my son last week got his ass handed to him, and that judge gave him about everything he could, except remove him from the home which was brought up and might be the next option, I can't be with them 24 -7,
they lie right to your face when you ask them 50 questions, I'm TIRED and beat down and what ever happens they brought it on themselves,,my boys just don't know how to walk away from a bad situation, It's funny,I left there dad who was a meth addict, you think they would learn something from me????
I recent had a sales clerk
I recent had a sales clerk tell me at the story "I see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."
Unfortunately, that gene pool really overrides the parenting that you do.
Wow - I bet you are tired of that mess. I wish you the best!