I officially don't like holidays anymore
After this incident with psycho SD being forced on me for Xmas, I am just at the point now where the idea of holidays is that I HATE THEM FROM NOW ON. If it is always going to be about the kids, which it will, then fuck this. I have to face that this is never going to work. I hate these children. Am I going to just accept the fact that every year for the rest of my life I have to spend my every holiday celebration except a few far and between with people I CANNOT STAND. And I am not talking mildly dislike....I HATE THEM. Because EVEN WHEN THEY GROW UP.....and move away...then my holidays for sure will be spent with them. I have to start getting used to the fact that this isn't going to work unless i... Uh... What.. suddenly start liking them?
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I have a question....is it
I have a question....is it possible to be with a man whose kids YOU HATE?
There are a lot of members
There are a lot of members who are with men whose kids they hate. Of course it's possible.
Being able to happy in a relationship/marriage with a man whose kids you hate...that's an entirely different thing.
A lot of women hate the kids because they're mean, spoiled, disrespectful, etc. The thing is, kids are mean, spoiled, & disrespectful because their parents teach, allow, & enable them to be. I think a lot of the hate people express here is misplaced. It belongs on the parent yet gets thrown at the kids.
What kind of man ALLOWS his child(ren) to treat a woman he claims to love & respect in such ill manner? The fact that these men LET it happen & in many cases DEFEND it when it happens speaks volumes for the lack of character in that "man".
How can a woman respect a man who allows & defends his children treating a woman he loves so poorly? And why would a woman not respect herself enough to remove herself from such a situation?
Yet women stay in these marriages/relationships & homes, surrounding herself with people who don't respect her & just continue to complain. They hate the children. They bitch about the man, but they CHOOSE to be there. They CHOOSE to stay.
How unfair is it to hate the kids who are taught & rewarded to disrespect, when it's the grown-ass adults who teach & enable them to do so??? How do you hate the kids who live what they're taught but can "love" the man who taught them that it's okay to disrespect?
I am in the same boat. I
I am in the same boat. I don't want to spend any holiday with the skids. At all. I have a feeling if BM continues to PAS, then I won't have to. Crossing fingers.
I HATE THEM SO MUCH....I
I HATE THEM SO MUCH....I don't want them decorating my tree. I don't want to sit at a table with them. They don't DESERVE GIFTS. they make me sick.
What a fucked up joke
What a fucked up joke stepparenting is. Here you go...buy gifts and spend your holidays with some BRATTY ASSHOLE KIDS YOU CANNOT STAND.
SOUNDS SUPER CHEERY.
I am a recovering alcoholic and I am beginning to fear for my sobriety. I am not joking.
hahahahaha oh boy. You hit
hahahahaha oh boy. You hit the nail on the head. Stepparenting is a cruel, fucked up joke. Merry fucking christmas you little asshole I hate your face.
The kids are a symptom of the
The kids are a symptom of the real problem, the bio parent's failure to properly parent their children to be respectful, considerate, responsible human beings. It sounds like these skids are awful, but don't forget who is allowing this to happen.
I am really concerned about your urge to drink, I hope you will seek some help-destroying yourself isn't the answer here (although the skids would love it if you did). For that reason alone, don't allow yourself to fall off the wagon. Please consider disengaging asap. It really does help.
Please take care of yourself, don't allow these vipers to bring you down-disengage!
If you are not happy in the
If you are not happy in the relationship and you feel the situation might cause you to drink, you should really question whether this is the man for you.
Does your fiance know how miserable you are? Does he care?
I suppose it's possible to be with a man who's children you hate but how does it affect your relationship with your fiance?
If he is letting them disrespect you and always putting them first, that is probably going to be a problem because that's more about him than them.
Originally, the SD was banned
Originally, the SD was banned due to lying and saying I abused her, blogging that he was on drugs, calling the cops on him, and generally being a threat to my sobriety, besides all the other CRAP she does. Now its chritmas and he's all sentimental and Norman Rockwell and envisions some angels are going to fly down from the heavens I guess on Xmas when the three of them open gifts and sprinkle gold dust on their heads and make some golden BULLSHIT moment.
The truth is she is a danger to us all as she is a loose cannon and unpredictable. He says if I drink he will kick me out of the house. But yet insists she comes for Xmas after initially she was banned. And she's done nothing to improve herself. She goes around school trying to get everyone to hate my BD, she's flunking....all she did was say " sorry dad". One time.
Personally I have no desire
Personally I have no desire to drink. But she is a huge trigger. It's hard to explain.
So guess what? You don't
So guess what? You don't HAVE to do anything you don't want to! I won't spend ANY holidays miserable any longer. I lived with hating the holidays for 8 long years when I was with the ex and I refuse to do it any longer. The holidays are supposed to be a happy time where friends and family gather and enjoy each other's company. I refuse to be miserable any longer.
In my case, the ex ALWAYS had the say. He made the rules, I followed them. We always went to his family's home in NC (regardless of where we were living at the time) and spent 10-14 days with his family (who all live in the same subdivision including TWO ex wives and FOUR of his kids, his sisters, his mother, the nieces and nephews - ALL of them). I had no choice. The kids and his family hated me and my daughter, yet we had to spend the better part of two weeks with them every.single.year and be miserable. I went without seeing my family for years and years.
Once I split from him, I made up my mind that I'd never be unhappy again. I would never allow another human being to dictate who I was, where I spent my time or who I spent that time with. And you know what? I'm HAPPY!
I'm going home to Detroit from Denver and spending the holidays with my daughter and my family and friends. DH is staying here with his family and kid. He's always more than welcome to join me as he did last year, but his kid is not. I refuse to allow my vacation to be ruined by her whiny, entitled, spoiled rotten attention whore ass.
You have a choice. You can choose to be happy for the holidays or bend to someone else's "rules". It's YOUR life, remember that!
You were in a horrible step
You were in a horrible step situation once...and then divorced and decided to try another one!!! Wow! That's amazing. If this ends. You will not see me dating a man with children under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. And I don't care how nice the kid is. I want a single man. Never again....period.
Yep sure was. But since the
Yep sure was. But since the first step situation was long-distance (the kids NEVER lived with us, and we only saw them once a year at Christmas) it wasn't really a step situation.
When I met DH and his daughter, she was loving and sweet. She only turned into the devil incarnate after she found out I was sticking around. She thought I was a fun playmate at first and wouldn't last long. Her father is the sweetest man alive (look at my last blog post from yesterday and you'll see why) so yeah, I'm back in a step situation.
I'm sorry you hate your
I'm sorry you hate your skids. I think in the beginning I truly despised my Skids. They were the source of so much drama. As time passed my feelings shifted. I no longer dislike them. I actually genuinely care for them. I figured out that I was only responsible for how I felt. I couldn't change the circumstances around me but I could change how I reacted to them. That changed how I see things now. I won't have SD for Xmas but I will have her for New Years and honestly? I don't particularly care either way. I love my DH. Those kids are an extension of him so I try to be kind. I also try and guide them, as they have seen a very different way of living with us than that they share with BM. I love my family and I won't let Skids, kids, BM or in laws affect that. Take charge and do what makes YOU happy.
I have my BD, 15, and my
I have my BD, 15, and my shichi dog ha ha, and its his first Xmas ever...so if I focus on them I guess it makes it better.
aghhgggg! i hear you! in my
aghhgggg! i hear you! in my situation i made it very clear no vacations no holdays with those brats! NO i do not enjoy waking up in the morning and "seeing their faces" opening the presents. cause guess what, i tried that and all i heard is not what i wanted!!! NO WAY in hell. the minute he tells me we are going on vacation with my kids, that's the day i move out! I SWEAR!!!!! he tried many times to get me to fly to his mother with his children for holdays. NEVER IN LIFE!!!! i can't even be in the town with them, and you want me to sit on the plane AND spend 5 days at your mother's that is still calling the BM and asks her if everything is ok! i've been with my husaband for 5 years and NEVER once ever she called. for my birthday or any other holdays! (but his mother is a defferent story). anyway...i know exactly how you feel. i would just say out loud! i don't want her here! i'm sorry! you can go and spend some time with her and give her present but i will not be here, and i don't want to be here! that's it...that's what i say! i was scared before but it's my life too and if i don't want to do somethingm noone can make me! now i love my husband sooooo much, and i know he does too. so yes it's very possible! you fell in love with him not his kids! you chose him and why should you love the kids!?
so anyway stand up for yourself! let him know how u feel! tell him no! i'm against it whether you like it or not! the bm every year starts with her histerical screams its your turn to have them this year!!!! weeeeeellll you gave birth not to one but 2 children that weren't wanted and ummmmmm you take care of them! they are your responsibility and why do you always try to get rid of them! and just like you NOONE touches my tree!!! NOBODY! my tree....go to your mother and do it there!!!!
i hate them so much!! of i come home and i see their shoes beside the door i go the opposite way. go back to my car and drive away! go hang out with my friend, go see my parents, go to the mall ! whatever....just not to see them
my husband is aware of my dislike towards them (it's actually more like hate but whatever) but what can he do?? he can't force me to like them or spend time with them! that's me! you don't like put it on the paper and get a divorce! there is always a way out! ALWAYS...