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SO is all sad again that the boys have gone home....wah!!!!

love_my_shichi's picture

Submitted by love_my_shichi on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 9:55pm

I hate Sunday nights. Instead of it being great because its me celebrating the skids leaving, my fiancee gets all moody and sad. He's extra upset tonight because all three of his kids are doing really poorly in school and he doesn't know what to do. I was like.....THEY'RE NOT MOVING IN HERE FULL TIME FORGET IT. IT'S NOT OUR FAULT YOUR XWIFE IS A LAZY SELFISH DUMB IDIOT. Well, he didn't appreciate that so much. So, he's also stressed about being able to keep up paying BM the $2000 a month because he's behind. And the holidays....and now he tells me he used to love holidays but not anymore. And this is our first Xmas together! I don't know how I am supposed to feel.

I don't get why he misses his boys. They just play xbox the whole time downstairs when they come over. I am unsure if my feelings should be hurt right now or not. I always feel like I am competing with a ghost. The kids are never fun when they are here. Yet he has these ideas in his head of them being here....like its so great, and it never is. I don't get it.

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StepDoormat's picture

Submitted by StepDoormat on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 10:14pm

This irritates me sometimes too - when DH says he misses his kids but they don't spend any real time together when they're here. I guess sometimes they just like that feeling that they're in the house, ya know?

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 10:59pm

I've asked DH about this because he does it with his whole family, not just SD. We would see pretty much his whole side of the family at least once a month for 6 - 12 hours. To me, this was more than sufficient. TO him, not so much, he pretty constantly told me he missed them...

Yet when we were at a family event, he pursued markedly little actual interaction with all of them. He'd tell me he missed his mother but get ticked at me if I left him alone with her. He missed his brother, but they'd sit on the couch, not speaking, not interacting and one or the other of them eventually falling asleep. He missed his sister, but rather than play the game or I don't know Talk to her, he'd spend Hours 'helping' to fix whatever was broken in her house.

This completely boggled my mind. If you miss someone, when you're around the, shouldn't you, I don't know do something with them? Talk to them? Figure out something more than just existing in the same house?

Apparently DH and most of his family doesn't find that necessary. The soothing of that 'missing' feeling really just is being in the same space. It's the 'energy' of the family being 'together', the over all feeling that he somehow experiences even when they're all in separate rooms.

Apparently it was the same thing with SD. One of them watching TV and the other one playing video games, not a word between them for a whole day but her just being There was... I don't know.... I still don't get this concept.

I stopped trying to understand it. I just told him that will never work for me and I don't get it and he better stop trying to leave me alone with his mother because I Don't miss her. He doesn't get my take on this either, but he seems willing to compromise...

love_my_shichi's picture

Submitted by love_my_shichi on Mon, 12/10/2012 - 5:14am

Thanks for this! You are so funny!!! I love how you tell those stories...I was laughing so hard and I felt understood.

Hanny's picture

Submitted by Hanny on Mon, 12/10/2012 - 6:22pm

I know what you mean, my Ex used to be this way. All sad if the kids cancelled or when they left after a weekend. I remember one XMAS when the skids (5 boys) were supposed to come to our house after they had XMAS morning with their mom. It was a 4 hour drive, the oldest drove so he would bring the rest. they called and said they were going to come the next morning because they weren't going to get an early start and they wanted to bring their girl friends with them the next day. It was fine by me. But my ex wanted to not have XMAS dinner for him, his sister and mother who were visiting, and me, he wanted to cook the next day for the boys. I told him NO WAY, it's XMAS day and we are cooking dinner as we planned, I was happy when his own mother agreed with me. Once we had our own DD together, he got over the boys not visiting as much and didn't pout as much over changed plans. It made me feel like I didn't count, his mother and his sister didn't count, it was all about the boys. Well, it was for years like I said until we had our daughter together.