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Is this a reasonable thing for me to ask of him?

Luna HG's picture

Submitted by Luna HG on Fri, 03/29/2013 - 3:32pm

OK so I got really mad at BF today. So I have asked him to let me know when he goes over to see SS. I don't ask for detail or anything like that just let me know when you see him. I have also asked him to make sure its just SS and him BM does not have to be there. At the moment BF does not have a job he was laid off about two weeks ago so I know he will see SS more often. I work the majority of the day so he can go at any time without me knowing. Yesterday I asked him how was his day what did you do general stuff like that. He said go exercise did homework cleaned that it. Today is usually the day he sees SS. I asked him if he was going to see him today because I know hes busy with his band guys recording today. He said no and we have plan for the weekend so I know he wont see SS then so I asked when he would see him. He said he saw him yesterday for a little bit. I asked him where he saw him he said at SS house. BF knows I hate him going into that house. I have already asked him to take SS out to not be there to see him. He should only go into that house to pick SS up and to drop him off. I got mad and said why didn't you tell me and he said why does he have to and I replied because I have already told you to tell me when you go see him. I think if he just told me when he sees SS this could avoid me getting mad and annoyed. I hate hearing things from outside sources and that is one reason why I tell him to tell me so I can hear it from him first instead of others. Is this a reasonable thing for me to ask of him?

Comments

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Fri, 03/29/2013 - 5:01pm

If you honestly tell him WHY it bothers you and he continues to do it then he is obviously not someone you should be committing to. Have you discussed why you would like this rule, and has he countered why he thinks he should be able to hang out at BM's to see SS?

Luna HG's picture

Submitted by Luna HG on Fri, 03/29/2013 - 5:07pm

Well in her home yea i know shes going to be there that's why I told BF to take SS out somewhere so they can have time on their own and he is comfortable being with SS so that's not a problem. SS is turning one this month. That is also why I don't Want BF near BMs house shes a clingy psycho so she thinks they'll be "partners" forever because of SS.

fedup13's picture

Submitted by fedup13 on Fri, 03/29/2013 - 5:38pm

I agree with everyone else. He is a man. A lot of men omit things and tell themselves it is ok because they didn't lie. They do this because they don't want to argue with us about it. What they don't get is that it ends up being MUCH worse with the omission than just coming out and saying it up front. We still feel lied to, because it is lying, we feel betrayed, and we get really pissed. He should not be going to BM's and hanging out with her. This is not healthy for anyone involved. He probably doesn't want to piss her off, so he is doing this sneaky/omit the truth dance to keep you happy and her happy at the same time, plus getting to see his kid. It cannot continue.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Fri, 03/29/2013 - 6:38pm

If he's hanging around BM's house too much be prepared to have another "little step" join the family.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Fri, 03/29/2013 - 8:25pm

How old is your BF? Is this his first child?
I know a friend whose DH has to drive 4 hrs to see his daughter for a weekend. At every visit the BM insists that friends DH goes and 'bonds' with his daughter for 30 mins in her home before it is 'ok' for him to leave with her. It sounds like he had a useless lawyer or foolishly trusted her to 'do the right thing'. So some women do make it happen like this.

That being said, laying down the law and telling your BF how things will be will only drive him into hiding his contact with his son. This is a very little boy who is likely to start having a little separation anxiety for a while (all kids do this and it is up to the parent/s how long it lasts). If my DD leaves the room her 18 mth old son calls and calls for her more and more frantic. His dad is there, his sister is there but he wants 'mummyyyy'!

He will have to see this chick for a few years to come. The point is, you cannot exclude her entirely from his life. And sooner or later you will either deal with it in a grown up mature manner and discuss boundaries and how this hurts your relationship or you will move on. I suspect the latter.

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Submitted by stepmomto3bioto1 on Fri, 03/29/2013 - 11:23pm

Boundaries!!! He needs to set healthy realistic boundaries where BM is concerned!!! This relationship will not last nor be healthy unless he can clearly make distinctions where the line is to not be broken. He needs to prove to you that he can conduct himself in a manner of which not only makes it clear to BM & other people that he is in a commited relationship & also... That he will conduct himself in a manner in which wont make you, as his woman, upset. His job in a relationship is to not do things that hurt, confuse or betray your relationship!!!

Id have a serious talk with him about Boundaries!!! Read up on articles about setting appropriate boundaries with your ex!! Print one or two out. Give them to him to read!!

Hang in there!!!