Sounds like PAS - What do you think?
SS5 was extremely sullen toward me yesterday and refused to look at me unless he was asking for something. I thought it was strange, and assumed BM had been saying something crazy to him. I didn't want to tell DH, though, because I was worried he would think I was being paranoid.
WELL . . . After the skids left, DH told me that he and SS5 had THIS conversation in the car on the way back from school.
SS5: Why are you and my mommy separated? (we've never used that word in front of him and they have been DIVORCED for almost 4 years)
DH: We didn't want to be married any more.
SS5: But you used to live together. Why don't you live with my mommy anymore?
DH: We didn't want to live together anymore.
SS5: But why are you separated?
DH: Lots of people are separated.
SS5: How many?
DH: 50% of the nation. That's half the people we know.
SS5: Oh. But how come you don't live with my mommy anymore?
DH: SS5, I don't want to be married to her. I live with Madam Hedgehog. She's my wife.
SS5: Is that why you and my mommy are separated?
DH: No. I don't live with your mom because we decided it was best we didn't live together anymore. Me and you moved into an apartment by ourselves. Do you remember that? That was before I even met Madam Hedgehog. These are sort of odd questions, SS. Where is all this coming from?
SS5: I was just thinking about it.
- - -
Okay, before you make a decision, understand that this kid was two years old when DH moved out of the house. Last time BM started coming up with memories of "one big happy family" DH asked him if he even remembered when DH use to live at the house with BM, and SS said he couldn't remember it at all.
So, BM has been doing what? Sitting around and telling this kid all about how happy they were before and how DH ran away to be with me instead?
What is the point of telling this kid about how they use to be together when he is happy now, is surrounded by people who love him, and can't even remember what it was like when DH lived with BM?
DH left while BM was pregnant with SS2 (before you say that's horrible, it was her solution to DH saying he wanted a divorce, just like SS5 coming into being was her reaction the last time he said he wanted a divorce). This time he realized it would be better for the second kid to never have to live with their chaos.
Anyway, she was preggo with SS2 (3 years old next month) at the time, and DH was out of the house and divorced before SS2 was even born.
SS5 has no memory of their marriage. Why is she bringing this crap up if she knows it will just upset him?
Also, this is exactly three days after DH sent BM an email about how he wanted her out of our lives and is sick of her nonsense.
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Comments
She sounds like she is
She sounds like she is constantly jealous of you, DH, the present and future that you have together.
DH is family are all BM
DH is family are all BM sympathizers, and the ones on the fence usually report to us that she is always whining and crying about how I have the life she should have had . . . as if she'd tolerate being a stepmom for ten seconds being the selfish nutbag she is.
She was upset when we moved into our current house (it belongs to my parents and they are doing us a huge favor). She was upset when we got a dog. She was upset when we got married. I have no idea how she can feel so invested in someone else's life.
Yeah, our BM was FURIOUS when
Yeah, our BM was FURIOUS when we got married and even worse when we bought our house. Both of which SHE wanted but DH refused to do...with HER. Even her having two kids didn't sway him.
But when SHE (finally) met someone else, he knocked her up again and then they got married...SHE made both skids PROMISE not to tell us. Like DH would be upset or something. HE REJOICED! We've been together 12 YEARS before this finally happened. And she STILL likes to make trouble. The only saving grace is SD18 is PASed out and doesn't contact her father anymore ("he watches too much tv"). And SS17 is old enough for DH to contact him directly without having to deal with the Crazy One.
Yeah, she has trained both
Yeah, she has trained both kids to say "I don't know" about anything that ever happens at her house. We only know this because they claim they don't know how they get all the injuries they show up with and when they say odd stuff, they say they don't know what they mean or where they heard it.
I have no idea what's wrong with this lady. She has plenty of money and goes on vacation several times a year. All of DH's family is on the pity parade for her. But she's still not satisfied.
"I don't know" - how I HATE
"I don't know" - how I HATE to hear that out of SS17's mouth. Last time he said it, I piped up, "BOY SS, for such a SMART kid...you sure 'don't know' much!"
She isn't remarried.
She isn't remarried. Unfortunately. She does have a boyfriend, which is part of the reason I'm so surprised she's being a pain in the ass. Last time she had a boyfriend she pretty much left us alone, so I'm guessing this relationship is not going well for her.
DH has decided to make a dental appointment for SS2, but we haven't mentioned it to BM yet because DH wants to get pictures first. Do you think we should wait until we take him to the dentist to mention it? I'm not sure what to do.
We got the pictures and asked
We got the pictures and asked BM about it. I'm about to post an update on that, but to brief, she had no idea and tried to pin it on us. Of course. She's supposed to be brushing his teeth (she doesn't) so I'm really frustrated about this whole ordeal. SS2 still says he has no idea how it happened, but has said on multiple occasions that it happened at his mom's house.
She will absolutely interfere with us taking him to the dentist, which is why we made an appointment for today without telling her.
She is such a pain. Her craziness knows no bounds.
Sounds very much like the
Sounds very much like the Behemoth's clan. It's definitely PAS. Good for DH to bring it up with SS.
DH should tell SS that sometimes grownups say things to children that are supposed to be just for grownups to hear.
If he can nip it in the bud now and say something like: son, the next time mom starts talking about grown up things like this, just say "I don't want to talk about grownup things; i just want to be a kid and have family time with you"
It might work. It did for Awesomeson when his dad tried to PAS him out against me.
This is a really cool idea. I
This is a really cool idea. I will tell DH. I think he would have taken that route if SS had admitted his mom was the one spouting nonsense. However, he's been trained to get amnesia whenever we ask him where he got an idea (or an injury). I'm going to show your post to DH and see what he thinks.
Yes, they normally are
Yes, they normally are trained to cover for the BM when such a situation arises. But be that as it may, DH should still tell him "the script"
Who knows, he might just up and try it on the BM!!!
It took a few tries on Awesomeson's part when he was about 8 years old. A little persistence and my 2nd husband stopped trying to trash me on their visits.
More personal would be "I don't want to talk about grownup things; i want to do family things with you instead"
Yep. I think now that SS5 is
Yep. I think now that SS5 is old enough to understand and appreciate stories, BM is really making the most of it. It really sucks because it will be years before he's old enough to understand the evidence that DH has showing that he'd been asking for a divorce for ages and that she had agreed that their marriage was doomed on multiple occasions. And DH will not want to talk negatively about BM to SS because he's actually a responsible parent, but at this point I think he is considering telling SS that BM is flat out lying to him. I'm sure she will make me out to be the "family destroyer" and then turn SS against DH for letting me destroy the family. It's such a mess.
A couple months ago, BM actually made up this ridiculous story about how when SS5 was a baby he would cry for his mom at night and she would hear him ALLLLL the way across the house with her special mommy ears and come check on him. Well, it's total BS, because DH actually lived in SS's room (avoiding BM) and did EVERYTHING for him as an infant and toddler.
What's even worse, is that when SS5 was a baby BM was actually telling everyone she had postpartum and refused to even be in the same room with SS5 (but she had plenty of energy to go on vacation the week after he was born).
This whole reinventing history thing is really infuriating me.
Ye olde: "I remember when
Ye olde: "I remember when Mommy and Daddy used to. . ."
Sung by 3 year old Melissa, whose parents broke up 3 and a half years ago.
Pathetic.
Exactly! I'm sure she will
Exactly! I'm sure she will have SS2 doing the same thing even though they were divorced before he was even born. It's pathetic.
These women are insane. How
These women are insane. How can they force trauma on their children like this?
Was the divorce a bad deal?
Yes.
Was the CRAZY relationship a worse deal?
YES.
Is everyone much better off now.
YES!
So, why sit around and tell stories to the kids about "what they lost" when the kids have no memory of it and are not going to be psychologically scarred by anything other than BM reenacting her tragic broken family story for the skids?
I am in your boat, too. SS5 literally cannot remember when I was not in his life, and there never has been a time when I wasn't in SS2's life. There is no point in this, except to upset SS5 and interfere with life at our house.
I like the reinvented history
I like the reinvented history stories they are great!
SS10's best friend's mom asked me about SS's twin :? really? What twin? She told me BM told her that SS was a twin and when she and DH divorced they each took a kid? WTF? I went and got SS's birth certificate and showed her where it said SINGLE LIVE BIRTH...
Ummm...DH beat BM and SS and that's why SS is afraid of the dark...SS isn't afraid of the dark...
BM tells the world that DH abandoned her and SS...funny I have paperwork at home showing that she signed away her rights and the court transcripts where she had to fight to get them back...
(idiotic courts gave them back to her-stupid judge)
The stories are all very entertaining...
WOW. I think this takes the
WOW. I think this takes the GabrielsMom. The twin story is just flat out crazy. Sorry you have to deal with such a nut, and I CANNOT BELIEVE they gave custody back to that nutjob.
This is what my mom said. It
This is what my mom said. It just seemed like odd timing considering DJ JUST sent her an email telling her he wanted her out of our lives as much as possible.
But I think DH did a really good job handling the situation too. And SS5 does seem much more relaxed and normal today. It just shocked me because he was SO DIFFERENT with me, and because he can't even remember when DH was married to BM.
I think you're right, though, and I should probably relax. There's a good chance BM started ranting to a relative about the situation in front of SS5, and that's where he picked up the "separated" language. I still think it sucks that she would even be talking about it in front of him.