Wow. I am not alone.
I am so upset that I googled: ask, what to do when the other woman is his daughter and got your website. Oh boy, I will be using this place to vent let me tell ya.... So, three years ago - yes, really, in May, it is three years, I married this guy and his daughters have created nothing but hell on earth for me. The family has ongoing problems, dramas, chaos, crises, over and over and over. SD2 is supposed unfit mother to a 10 year old; SD1 decides she can order Dad home from our honeymoon after a dozen calls a day and on day 4 he obeys her and spends his time babysitting grand-daughter and that's because SD1 is "uncomfortable" calling the babysitter.
and the controlling never stops. And neither does his obedience.
I get the ugly anger from him, I get the vicious e-mails from them. And with recent news of his heart problems, I am not allowed to e-mail the family, I have been threatened - so here I sit in Canada while he tells me to be nice and they keep me out of the country. I could just scream myself hoarse. I better stop now for this first blog but there is a lot more. I sometimes think he is a psycho as he also has had multiple previous wives and I know a couple got treated the same as me. Scream.....
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Thank you for instant
Thank you for instant feedback. To bookishworm - I haven't gotten "in" yet and the Him is continuing to want me to come down there. I do feel so suckered and used and messed with...
And dear dtzyblnd - yes the Him down there, me up here, only seen each other ten times in three years, total of 40-45 days. I worked my guts out on two of his houses - changed jobs to escape "stress" so cleaning painting old house for market and bought half done house from an estate. the SDs are 37, 33, and 30 I think, and one SS around 35. The hate mail is unbelievable. They think it's my choice to not come down but it's the paperwork and I don't know why family there has totally wrong info. It has been very painful three years of poop and abuse and control. should I mention that I am wife number minimum six or seven?
Oh my. And he doesn't see a
Oh my. And he doesn't see a pattern with his daughters. Not too bright. Must be a looker
LOL. not a looker, big and
LOL. not a looker, big and bald and thinks he is smarter than god. Has maintained control by badgering me about my "scriptural obligations".... and routine promises forward.
You have "scriptural
You have "scriptural obligations" to live apart from your husband and be treated like crap by him and his family? No offense intended but I don't think I have read that particular book.
No no - sorry - I meant that
No no - sorry - I meant that HE keeps reminding of my scriptural obligations (you know, I am supposed to be obedient, silent and submissive ... and yes, I know that is not the Truth. I have tried to be patient, understanding, tolerant and forgiving but it's feeling more and more impossible all the time. I keep praying that he will have a change of heart. Dr. Hugo's article, has a lot of truth. I have been silently calling her Princess Perfect - he says, that as a teenager - She "squealed" to him about her BM being unfaithful and he whisked off to out of state friends for protection - so the "Princess" thing goes back almost 20 years. He doesn't see that his keeping her on a pedestal is making his marriages fail. I am making a list of all the poopy mistakes I have "forgiven" him and I am not liking how dumb it makes me look cuz I am not dumb. But I am having problem letting go of the hope and dreams. My story would make a great Ann Rule Novel except that I am still here. Thanks for listening.
Very glad that you are not
Very glad that you are not buying his silly notions! At this point, what is the practical difference between being married to him and not? Is he financially supporting you? Do you actually get any benefit from being married? Have you considered the possibility that your life would be much simpler without being married to him? I don't mean to sound callous but IMHO, it appears that the marriage is one in name only.
Supporting me - not a cent,
Supporting me - not a cent, No, definitely not supporting me although SD1 is frantic and accusing me that I am only after Dad's house. A house he would not have gotten without me and that I worked very hard for the past year to help with. Benefits? None so far - always about the promises of future together. Simpler without him? - oh yes, quite likely except for fear of what he will do behind my back like he did to last ex - hate mail campaign to approx 300 people. Her father still cries. And it was ugly. Too smart too late. Callous? Not at all, and you are right - reading reactions from total strangers is kinda like a pail of cold water - a reality fix. I am trying to stop living in denial and have courage to withdraw from his sick game. The more I look at the situation, events and equations, the less hope there is. Your comments are helping me have some spine. And I thank you. Can't believe the time, gotta hit the sack. Thanks again.
I agree...GET OUT NOW!!! I
I agree...GET OUT NOW!!! I went through a some what similar situation, only instead of my ex's kids it was his oldest sister. Whatever she wanted, anytime of day, no matter what if she asked it he would do it. Mean while, while he was playing hero to everyone else I ended up doing everything, and I mean everything around the house. And I got drug into the whole keeping secrets deal that is the corner stone of a dysfunctional family. At first I thought it was something I was doing, I was not idenpendent enought, fun enough to be around ect. And every time one of these incidents happened one more emotional brick would go up to create a wall to protect myself, until finally I relized things would never change and I finally left. Looking back that experience has left some emotional scars that sometimes affect my current marriage. You are the only one that can decide what path you want to take, but from my experience I would say run!
Ps...sorry about the spelling I am typing this on my cell phone. (Hugs)
That you would type on your
That you would type on your cell phone says you must have a huge and compassionate heart. Thank you so much.
.
I just need moral support I think to stop denying there is any hope left, it is not possible anymore, but letting go of the dream and the hope and all that jazz is also difficult and painful. When all I have had is hope and dreams for all this time. ... I sure hope you are in a much more loving marriage now and you can heal well from your past too. Thank you for being so kind. And I don't care about spelling mistakes
No offence taken at all, and
No offence taken at all, and yes I probably will need some good "therapy" - and yes I know why I am in this and I get it that I really do not need to be. Giving up hope that is so hard after living on hope was all I had when I was believing his lies. You are right, it hasn't been any good so far and I have to stop dreaming that my tolerating more abuse will make anything change for the better, it won't. I might need to vent more for awhile, but I know I have to stop accepting all their abuse - especially his lies, there is nothing worse than all his lies, always picking Princess Perfect SD1 as his #1 friend over his last several wives. Don't ever believe anything from a guy on dating websites without proof. That's where it started. Thanks for listening.
Welcome!!!! http://www.hugosc
Welcome!!!!
http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2009/10/22/princesses-princes-daughters-and-...
And in the "Does it get any
And in the "Does it get any dumber than " category....
HOw does the Him expect me to drop everything and come running because he claims he is having open heart surgery and yet not speak to me for nearly three months? This, after my needing help from Women's shelter to get home from USA to Canada in Dec.???
First news of this was panic a month ago, and after talks with my HR and Boss, they gave me a month off, only for me to get attacked by the SD1 and SS1 with threats of violence, etc and I did not go.
Surgery turned out to not happen afterall and now I am being asked to come down again when it is actually (supposedly) really going to happen. Is this insane or what? Somebody just slap me.