Last night I had to attend a school-related meeting with my DD, which meant DS stayed home with SO for about an hour and a half.

When I got home, SO made the "tag me in" motion and told me in an exasperated way he was off duty with DS. He also made it sound like DS exhausted him one day after school this week before I got home from work, which is about an hour later. DS is 10, so it's not like he's a toddler that needs constant supervision. Most of the time, in fact, he hangs out in his room. Before it sounds like I just have blinders on in regards to DS, I am well aware of his shortcomings, particularly that when he gets on a roll he talks A LOT. Incessantly even, about stuff that is really boring to the rest of the world (video games, computer stuff, and movie plots mostly). He's well on his way to being a first-class Geek. He really can wear a person out.

Within a few minutes I had everybody fed and DS diverted to his homework. SO had been on the phone with his parents when I left, so I asked him how they were and stuff, and it came out that he had hung up less than a half hour before I got home. So while I know that it takes well under a half hour for my son to get on a person's nerves, I really don't think it was as drama-worthy as SO was making it out to be for about 20 minutes of contact. I asked SO a couple questions about what DS did and did SO try to re-direct him to something else and should I have a talk with DS...to which SO said, well, really DS was fine and that really he is pretty much always fine. He's a good kid and he doesn't have a problem with him. I could tell he was genuine when he said it. We joked a little about DS's talking.

I swear I know what it is. SD is often making herself look like an ill-behaved brat. SO knows I put up with a lot, and some stuff I just have to say something to SO about. I swear he was trying to put the shoe on the other foot. To make me feel like I'm the one with the problem child and to show me he has to put up with some stuff too. The way he was talking when I first got home had this whole "acted" quality to it. Then it seemed normal again when we actually got to talking about DS.

What I took from it is that I'll watch out that DS doesn't turn into one of "those" skids. I thought I was fairly vigilant about it, because not only do I want DS to be a decent person, but privately I can't stand for DS to act any worse than SD. I'll also watch out that I don't turn into one of "those" bio-parents that can't see when their did does something wrong. It's hard, though, because DS lives with us all the time, and the truth is a 10-year-old boy is going to be annoying sometimes. Heck, living with ANYONE can be annoying sometimes.

I need to separate that it's not about comparing SD and DS, or whether SO or I have to put up with the worse situation. Each situation is its own. I need to get over this how-dare-you-criticize-my-son-when-your-daughter-is-the-way-she-is. I do wonder, however, why my son isn't afforded the same Child of Divorce latitude that he gives his daughter, when they were both roughly the same age when their parents split up. She lives with BM and within a stone's throw of SO, while DS' father lives far, so if we want to get technical, SD has more of the stability of both parents than DS does. Oh wait, I know...because SO isn't Guilty Daddy to my son. (OK, yeah, I see I have some issues to work on )