Learning who Sd is via Pinterest
MY Sd is 32 and I have known her since she was five. Even as a little girl, she was quiet, reserved, and never did anything to get attention. As she got older, it became more like a secretive game. Any question received the briefest and least descriptive answer. I wasn't SM until SD was 13. DH and I had holidays together when we were in a committed relationship and it suited us to keep separate homes. SD never participated that much and her BM always had out-of-town trips to relatives. BM kept SD away from her dad as much as possible. I never saw her engage with her dad or grandmother. Some of her behaviors were downright rude. If she didn't like her gift, she left it in her old room in the closet. She did this to her granny more than once and her dad and I too. I would see DH try and talk to her--nothing. Everything was fine and that was that. No details. Now that we are formally estranged, I've been obsessing about SD. What made her such a secretive little sociopath. I did internet snooping and found out about her from Pinterest. Wow, she does have interests--artistic gardens, unique architecture, even a category for her wedding dress and engagement ring. We didn't have a clue she and boyfriend were that serious...It made me sad. Not once have we ever sat down as a family and shared dreams and ideas. DH learned more about his daughter from Pinterest than 32 years or a bad relationship. I'm really sad about it all. I went for a hike in the woods in our new town and it was lovely. I connected with the beauty some. DH and I will come through determined to find meaning without family. SD has not pinned anything in five months--around the time we sold our home and moved 2500 miles away.
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Comments
Do not give an on line facade more value than it likely has.
Her BF may not have had any intent of marrying SD. Her dress obsession may have only been self delusion and in reality that relationship with the then BF may not have been particularly involved.
Do not invest in the what ifs and the why of SD. You have only her perpetrated behaviors. Don't waste your time or be sad about her not being a part of your lives.
She never was. So why worry if she ever will be?
She is a write off. Leave her in the write off column of your life and you and DH enjoy your new home , community, and the beauty you are engaging in living. Why be sad over toxic? It does not care about you or DH.
SD's dreams were not something she could or would do the work to obtain for herself. Even the foundation of those dreams would have been stolen from you and DH. Good on you for shredding that when you sold the shangrila acreage. Enjoy your new life.
Moving on
Yes, your advice is correct. I'm feeling more ready to move on mentally. SD had dream house pictures, creative pebble garden paths, and natural swimming pool pictures all tht would have fit on the 50 acres we sold. She had her dream world set on our land without us being there or part of her life--a creepy, sick, delusional world.
I snuck into OSDs Pinterest
I snuck into OSDs Pinterest accounty years ago when she refused to see DH any longer.
Whooooo boy, most of it was her standard stuff but the rest was just hate filled memes, memes that mean girls would use. Kinda made my mind up about her (always knew she was a mean girl, liked stirring up trouble and bullied others from what I know). My SIL told me she wiped her Pinterest and a couple other accounts clean right before going to college (clean slate hm?). Makes me understand how manipulative she is and how she KNOWS it.
Wow--revealing.
That's scary and that she cleaned up after herself at that.
Don't Read Too Much
into the Pinterest stuff. Or as Rags said, anything online. Online is a great place to "build" a life you want others to think you have. DH's oldest daughter, now 40, has been pinning wedding dresses for years, in spite of the fact she's never had a steady boyfriend and has only had one date in her entire life. (That guy was smart...LOL).
Continue with your long nature walks. They are healing. I would say you are doing some grieving right now. Grief over what was, what should have been and some lost dreams, and now this big move?? Maybe some, maybe a mix? Whatever it is, be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time to be sad, angry, happy, etc. Maybe see a counselor to help you sort through it all. Bottom line, take care of YOU. You deserve some peace and goodness in your life. Best to you.
I too
had to grieve the family I thought I was getting. Being childless myself, I thought, well I have all this love to give, and theres always room for more.
Little did I know the toxic poisonous muck Id be walking into.
Enjoy your new life and new place. I am still thinking about your poor kitty. Theres a special place in he!! for people like her.