Gift of giving
Since the day that after manipulated by sd against mil, she sd yelled at her father- once done using me to stand up to mil, to divorce me. Dh told me to let her speak, well i have never been the same, or our two other sons in the house that heard her. They refuse to engage with her at all. Her actions caused a hige rift in our home once she moved in at 16. I have realized that i cannot shop for Christmas for her. Either i would go out of my way and buy something big that would say see i love you or juxtaposition something cheap that would say - there you go. Either way i would not be giving from my heart. The bible says to give with gladness. If you are not in the giving with heart than it is wrong. I had to talk to my husband the other night. I told him since nothing has become better of this( he has not talked to her only listened) and no peace, than i could not shop for her, he has to. I told him I understand that he may spend more money on her than any of the boys get to make her happy it i do not care. I cannot with a right heart shop for someone i do not have the heart to. I have gotten gifts for my stepson and his fiance, our other two sons, but there is a mental block on her. I am not counting out that God may show me something to get her and then i will but the pressure of all of it, i had to rid of. See 16 yrs i have bought all the gifts s and stockings for the kids. Honestly i do not because i am not respected enough even know what days she will be here or her mums. Honestly dh just nodded ok. I felt a huge relief. So i guess that is that- if God moves me to see something she likes i will, but no longer do i have the pressure. Does it make me nervous because if she is here Christmas morn and her father did nothing, yes- but i need to let that go. Maybe if they had not teamed uo against me i would be different, for now i am indifferent and this will be.
- Maureen Gunderson's blog
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Comments
Disengagement
What you are doing is disengagement which is what many of us have had to do when we can't get thru to DH and the child. I hear you, I had to do it, too. Let him buy her gift. It sounds like you might feel guilty about that but don't. She would prefer that it be from him, anyway.
Sigh, I feel for you, I had the difficult, teenage daddy's girl here, too. Once I stepped back and all the discipline was on him, his tune changed. He shouldnt let her disrespect you.
Go about your holiday planning and events without considering her, as much as you can. They say living well is the best revenge. Good luck.
Thank you- my heart honestly
Thank you- my heart honestly wants all to be well. But - the big but- it is not. Time for my big girl pants i guess.
Get her a gift card. $50. a
Get her a gift card. $50. a pair of sweats and a treat for her dog. Do not get gifts for the other kids to give her, if Dad wants to he can.
BUT
(I have a big but here)
While you are angry and frustrated and betrayed, what are you doing to make sure you have a plan for the inevidable? I think you and I both know that this relationship is gasping it's last gasps and you need to prepare for it.Get that counselling, but only for you. Get your pride back, your self respect back. Be prepared to kick him and his daughter out. Have your proverbial ducks in a row. Because that big SD vs you blow up is coming and you know who his loyalties lie with. You can love someone and accept that they are toxic to your home. You can love a man (I know this way too well from my past) and realize that you only have 5% of his heart and that just isn't enough. Think of YOU, think of the other kids. Day dream about how it felt to have a calm house, a happy home, a quiet life. Those things will not happen again w/ him and her under your roof. Even if she goes, be honest with yourself, can you ever see him with clear eyes again?
I'm not saying to leave. I never say that unless there is a dire situation unfolding. I am just saying to make a plan, have an idea of what needs to be done to remove these poisonous growths from your safe and happy place.
So, have that Christmas you want. Don't let her or him steal it from the rest of you. Treat her like a second cousin you wish was twice removed. Bland, generic gifts and no further thoughts. Take the other kids to enjoy the holidays. Leave Daddy and his Princess to amuse themselves. And be ready to show both of them the door if they try to ruin Christmas for the rest of you.
Right! I have sons and family
Right! I have sons and family that kmow and love. I pray to God that he can help me stop them from having rent in my head. So many other family to focus on , let them dwell and if they decide to come at some point in peace- i would love it- but stop the rent in my head so i can focus on the other loves of my life who show respect.
I understand and feel the
I understand and feel the same about Bratty. I don't get her a gift and no way would I bother shopping for one. SO can and does do that.
You shouldn't feel guilty either. You're right in that if your heart isn't there no point in pretending it is. Let DH take care of it.
I wish i was independently
I wish i was independently wealthy and could move my kids and i away until they saw. I feel trapped.