Letters
I was talking to SD14 the other night, and she of course was BORED! Ohh what else is new. Anyway, I asked her, well what do you want to do? She couldn't come up with anything so I said we could write notes back and forth like the good old days. She said "Those were the good old days." (When SD14 was younger and couldn't talk about how she "felt" we would write little notes back and forth and she would tell me) She then disappeared on the internet. So I wrote her a letter and basically told her that while I never would try to take her moms place that I love her just like a daughter, and I love her just as much as BS1. It was pretty sappy...LOL. I gave it to her and she wrote back... "Aww that's so sweet. I love you too, just like a second mom. I like that we can talk about anything... BFF.. LOL. I heart you. "
It was so sweet. Then I decided to write SD16 a letter. I told her that I love her and explained to her that I have stepped back from her because I didn't know what else to, but that I miss her and the way things use to be. I told her that I know I have made mistakes, but she has hurt me. I told her I was here if or when she was ready to talk. That was what I swore I wasn't going to do. I wasn't going to try to make it all better, but I know she needs me. I know she needs to know that no matter how much she pushes me away I will still be here, and I will still love her. She has a lot of issues, that need help, and no one will help her. Someone has to. I guess if I have to keep being shit on to help her, then so be it, but I can't just give up on her. Too many people already have given up on her. She doesn't need one more disappointment. I don't know if the letter will do any good or not, we shall see. To be honest, if it doesn't it doesn't, but at least I know I tried, and hopefully one day she will see that as well. She should have read it last night, so we will see.
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Comments
I think that is a great
I think that is a great idea. I will try writing a letter, since I can never finish a sentence with SS14. Its his birthday today and we had another big fight last night. It feels as though I can not have a normal conversation with him with out yelling. I try to talk but then I get cut off and then I get louder and louder the more I try to get my point across.
Anyway, I think that you are doing a great thing with communicating with you skids in a manner that is better for them as well as with you.
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Stand up strait, take a deep breath, exhale and smile
I was told many months ago
I was told many months ago by a dear friend who is also a therapist how writing letters when upset, or happy to people is a great way to do it.Not only does it allow you to get everything said without interupptions, but it leaves emotion out of it, and people are more prone to actually look at words. I tried this on SDemon16 when I was very mad at her in March after we found out that she was lying as a way to get sympathy, and was lying about her halfsiblings.
The letter had quite an impact on her, and she did regard my wishes for that weekend to not come near me due to my how angry and hurt I was.
Hope it works with you
What has been the response
What has been the response for those of you have written a letter to a stepchild? I am considering doing this with SD11 who for the last 10 months has completely shut me out of her life. She doesn't even say "Hi" to me when she comes home. She only speaks to me if I directly ask a question and then response is the most simple and short as possible. She still communicating and acting normal with her dad and brother. She is not outwardly rude mostly because she really doesn't communicate with me at all. Myself, her dad, and her grandmother have tried to talk to her over this time frame and she will not voice what is bothering her or why things have changed. The previous 4 years were good. I like the letter idea. I am not hoping for a complete turn around but it can't hurt. Right now, I have just kind of stepped back and am giving her space but I don't feel like I am helping anything by doing this either other than hoping time will change things. I don't know, I really don't know what to do because I do not know what the problem is.
My success has been good
My success has been good with anyone, including DH, ex, etc.. when it comes to writing. EVEN MY BOSS when it comes down to it. It gives the person a chance to process what you are saying before they respond. You could ask you SD to write you back rather than talk to you if she would be more comfortable
What age is too young to
What age is too young to write a letter to? I am wondering if she is really mature enough for me to do this. I also have fears that in opening up and exposing myself she will take gratitude in knowing she is hurting me. What do you think about that?