Our solution is we don't parent each others children. I tattle to him and he tattles to me if they do something wrong. He is much more lenient than I am. We punish our own children. Otherwise, the drama that we have would be tenfold with the kids.

As for our children, can't you just determine household rules for everyone and stick with those?

I think MeanOleMe means her skids and her child with DH.

Well we don't have any "ours" children, but I think when it comes to your own children you tend to be alittle more sensitive.
The way most of our DH/FHs are, the guilt comes from not seeing or being around skids all the time. That in my opinion is the reason for the lax parenting. That's probably why skids get away with more than "ours" or even "my" kids do. Does it suck? Yes, big time.
But I just think that you and DH need to come to agreement as to what general house rules and stuff are. It might help to know that there are certain ground rules that apply to everyone, not just bio or step.
I know its hard, but try not to get so defensive when it comes to your own. I know I do, sometimes I get defensive even when BS is wrong and needs to be corrected. But, its in his and everyones best interest that I back up FH.

I think that exact same thing all the time!! I have an SS9 and a BS1 (with DH). Right now, BS1 is so young that there is not a whole lot of real "punishing" going on...but what's down the road for us?

I DO NOT want my son's life to be ANYTHING like my stepsons. His life is all chaos, manipulation, and guilty parenting. I will do whatever it takes to make sure my son's life is not that way. I already have issues with a few things because of this. B/c my stepson is so spoiled rotten by his grandmother, I get VERY upset when my biological son seems to prefer my mom. I would not feel that way at ALL if I had not seen the creepy relationship that has evolved between SS and his NANNA!

Thank goodness for the 8-year age difference there. B/c if they were anything close to the same age, what would I do about SS telling MY son that SS gets to stay up past midnight every night? Or that he gets pulled out of school for special trips? (something we could never afford for BS, but then again, I would NEVER pull my son out of school to go to the beach, that's just me).

I think we are in for a whole mess of trouble.

I do that!

I am harder on my two BDs because I want them to turn out to be good, productive members of society. Plus, unfortunately, I think it is a bit of a backlash from NOT being allowed to parent SD16. When she's down here and she's acting like a turd, it makes me on edge and then when BDs act up I tend to be harder on them than I need to be.

I am trying to overcome this, but it's hard when DH favors SD16 so much. I can be as hard as I want to on our BDs and he won't say a word to me, but I can't even look sideways at SD16 withot him getting defensive. It's tough!

We parent together in our house. I am a little bit more involved with the girls, just because they're girls, I guess. Their Dad is VERY involved, but they just seem to be around me the most. We had a bday party this weekend for my SD10 and we had eight girls spending the night and I was definitely in charge and that was fine by me. When the skids get out of hand, generally, with each other DH is on it. He does not allow them to get away with the same crap they pull at BM's house.

Our parenting is working out just fine. But I don't have to put up with the "guilty daddy syndrome."

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

Just this morning! My Mom watch BS2 while I was at a doctor's appt. When I went to pick him up, he had toys lying all over the living room floor. I told him to "help Mommy pick up the toys". My Mom said 'that's OK, I'll get them when you leave". I told her no, cuz I don't want BS2 to turn out like SD expecting everyone else to pick up his messes. I think, seeing how SD turned out, I'll end up being a little more stern with my son. But I also want to instill those values while he's young, so I'm starting NOW.