I won't vacation with my SS because I go on holiday to have fun and relax. Not attempt WW3 for the sake of it.

If your DH enjoys chasing and catering to two teen girls for a 'vacation', let him have at it. It won't be long before your SD17 has no time for Dad. Suggest to him they do a weekend 3-4 day thing.

Then get down to planning your 'our' real vacation with your DH. The one which is just the two of you. Truly relaxing, fun, romantic (?) , whatever it is that means peaceful and pleasant.

While DH is off for his weekend with the teens, book yourself (or you and a friend) a lovely enjoyable get-away. Sometime girly doing whatever you, as an adult female, finds refreshing and a change of pace from the usual day in and day out routine.

You're married, you aren't attached at the hip. You can do what interest you while he does the Daddy Duty thing. If I planned things that were purely couple activities (meaning DH and I both wanted to do), I would never get to spend a leisurely weekend roaming back roads to daylily farms and pleasant lunches in at my local tea and muffin inn with small shops of garden specialties. He's just not that interested in garden cloches or twig trellises *shrugs*

I actually encouraged my SO to take vacations with his kids without me being included. I preferred it that way. I made the case to my SO that it was important for him to spend quality alone time with his kids WITHOUT ME.

Like you, SD was not overtly rude or very badly behaved, but she has never been accepting of me and clearly wanted no relationship with me. Polite but very chilly is the best way to describe it. Still acts the same way, and the feeling is mutual - I have given up on expecting any kind of true relationship with her so I am cordial but disinterested/disengaged.

The challenge is to make sure that his "kids" vacations don't undermine his time or finances so that it negatively impacts the vacations you plan as a couple. That was another reason I didn't want to go on any vacation with a skid - my vacation time and my finances will NOT be wasted on a miserable trip. Life is too short. I'd rather stay home and work, save my money, and do something I will truly get some enjoyment out of.

Thus, my SO would usually take a long weekend type of a trip with the skids (4-5 days in a row). It didn't affect his vacation balance that much and quite honestly, after about 3-4 days of SD (especially when she was a teenager) ... his patience and fun-meter were pegged!

It depends on whether the vacation is suited to bringing 2 teens. Girls that age are very self centric and only want to do things THEY find fun. Those things usually involve spending a good deal of money..lol.

They also have a way of looking very "not impressed" at most stuff adults think are fun.

If the vacation you are planning is in an area where the kids won't need to be chauffeured around and the place you are staying is roomy enough for everyone to have some private space. I might not mind if the kids come if some ground rules are in place. Like, I am NOT spending my vacation as maid to the girls. They are responsible for their own messes. I am also NOT acting as their short order cook. They can fend for themselves most times. OH.. and any friends that come along come along with money of their own to pay for meals out and other activities. I am not footing the bill for someone else's kid.

The last thing was the most irritating to me. We hosted several of my SD's friends and they never offered to pay anything. They had money for the mall though.

Like the others above, I have refused to vacation with DH and the SDs. I think we went for about 1.5 years with no vacation and me also refusing to go to a restaurant with them. If you cannot control your kids and make sure they understand how to behave in public, eat proper meals (i.e. kids don't determine when/whereever we eat), and cater to them every second - I opted out.

It's better now and we can go on vacations together.
However, if we visit my family I am in charge of everything.
If he wants to do it, he has to plan it if it's just the four of us and I am not the rule enforcer.

So far I have managed to avoid a vacation with the 3 SS's. DH and I did take YSS for a weekend trip to see BS. YSS was actually pretty good the whole time except the ride home. He was a terror in the car the whole way home. I was over him...DH was over him and we couldn't get him back to BM fast enough. I vowed never again.
OSS and MSS are so annoying that not even DH will take them anywhere in the car. Despite being teens and young adults, they act like 3 yr olds once they are in close proximity of each other. Hitting and wrestling and ignoring every adult who tells them to stop...NO THANK YOU!!!!

I can barely make it through a dinner out ......I think a vacation would be pure torture !