You are here

I needed to write this

mermaid33's picture

Submitted by mermaid33 on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 12:50pm

I have a good life. My parents have been together my whole life and always will be. I was loved growing up and have always had a good family unit. I was raised to like people and be a compassionate person. I was defiantly not raised to hate anyone…anyone.

With that being said…I got into this whole step parent thing way too young. I thought I could handle situations that I really couldn’t. I thought that I could handle being with a man that is ten years older then me and not only has a baby momma but an ex wife. He was only with SD12’s mom one time. They were never in love and he never liked her. She was just a hole that ended up giving birth to his child. BM is annoying and a horrible mother but I don’t really let her affect me. The ex wife on the other hand….she changed me.

I was 18 when I got with DH. We were just “friends” at first. I should have known from the first time that wee hung out that I should have ran. She broke into his house and freaked out. Called me horrible names and just went nuts. Like I said I was 18. I thought it was nuts to watch this grown woman go crazy over me. It was funny to me. I liked drama then. Eventually she went really crazy. Tried to attack me, stole several things from me. Shoes, bathing suite, clothes, cell phone, money. One time when she stole my phone she called my mother. She told my mother that she found me in bed with her husband. Mind you they had been devoiced for 2 years at the time. She even tried to attack me infornt of SD. Her problem is that she is not SD real mom either. She has known SD since she was a baby though.

I could write a novel of all the horrible things this woman has done to me. All the while I never even spoke 2 words to her. Never. And now I am left with hate. I really really hate this woman. I wish terrible things apon her. Sometimes I hope she dies. And you know what….I hate myself for hating her. I feel like a bad person because I know its wrong to hate someone. When I hear her name my blood boils. She changed me and showed me that some people are capable of being evil. I want you to understand… she left my husband. She got pregnate by another man. He waited for her and she never came back. Then we got together and she flipped out. I am not the home wrecking whore that she makes me out to be. I am sick of being called that.

Comments

prayerhelps's picture

Submitted by prayerhelps on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 12:54pm

Girl, know exactly how you feel. But by having that hate, you are giving her the power!!! I know that is hard to understand, but it is true. I have been there. I wished all the time BM would just die, and sometimes I still do. Some days it is a serious battle for me, but then I sit and pray, and realize that she is taking up too much of my time and it is not worth it.

You know the truth, those that know you know the truth, so who cares what her truth is.

mermaid33's picture

Submitted by mermaid33 on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 12:55pm

***You know the truth, those that know you know the truth, so who cares what her truth is.***

Thanks for that line....I love it Smile

Colorado Girl's picture

Submitted by Colorado Girl on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 12:56pm

So where do you go from here?

She sounds horrible. I'm in the business of living by my own actions... not simply the reactions that I'm having for others.

You don't like the hate you feel. The ex is never going to change and stop being horrible...

So what do you do now?

prayerhelps's picture

Submitted by prayerhelps on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 12:58pm

Kill her with kindness

That is what I was told when younger. Show that you ARE better than her. Granted, I have tried this, but I don't bother now, I just ignore the witch and live my life

myna's picture

Submitted by myna on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 1:01pm

I tried to be nice too but she told me I should grow up. So now I just ignore her. But still remember to make a christmas card or mother day`s card so that I destroy her mentally and my best weapon is her sweet 4year old son who adores me and calls me his stepmom. I love that kid, hope he will never change

Gia's picture

Submitted by Gia on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 1:02pm

**SIGHS*** :? :O :? :O :? :O :? :O I married DH at 19 (he was 29):jawdrop: when SD was 4... I'm 21 now... I can't help but think about how stupid I was, I love him and all but although I already had a baby, I didn't deserve to live the drama full life of a stepmother. oh well... :?

frustratedmom's picture

Submitted by frustratedmom on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 1:20pm

Are you sure you aren't my twin?? LOL! Wink You sound exactly like me. My FH is 17 years older than i. His X left him for another man, we started dating a year after they divorced, when she discovered that he was dating me, she all of the sudden "regretted" cheating on my FH. I barely know this woman and she has caused my life living hell, not so much like yours but she has been one big b*itch. Every time I hear her name or we have to deal with her I get all blotchy on my chest and neck and my blood starts pumpin. I also wish at times she would die. I know that sounds horrible to people, but I'm not a bad person. I feel like I have sooo much hatred for this woman that I feel like a bad person and, it makes me feel ugly inside. My FH doesn't like her either, not one bit, just the thought of her really discust me!

Sita Tara's picture

Submitted by Sita Tara on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 2:09pm

I am dealing with a different sort of hate feeling- for the woman who STBX has left me for. A coworker who took a look at my H and decided he would be good to help her leave her own marriage.

I know how you feel...

I don't like hating anyone.

But it's a normal feeling.

I am starting to lean toward indifference for whether or not they work out. I will never be friends with her, and may not even be able to be civil toward her or acknowledge her.

But I am starting to let go of my hatred toward her, toward him, both of them for hurting me so much. For violating the sacred place I thought was our marriage, imperfect as it was.

I hope that means I'm progressing toward starting to love myself so much that they cannot touch me. It's a long haul.

Hugs to you...I know it's hard. Let the hate flow through you and back out again. And fill that huge dark ugly space with love...

for YOU.

Colorado Girl's picture

Submitted by Colorado Girl on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 2:14pm

I hope that means I'm progressing toward starting to love myself so much that they cannot touch me. It's a long haul.

Hugs to you...I know it's hard. Let the hate flow through you and back out again. And fill that huge dark ugly space with love...

for YOU.

Really good advice, MamaSita.

Sita Tara's picture

Submitted by Sita Tara on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 5:37pm

I've lost count...6 weeks?

Still have to see him a lot for BD4.

Trying to let go of many dreams and find myself so I can start anew...

Again...