Amway, take me away
Anyone else's BM an MLM hun? I recently found out a bit more about how my SO's ex has made her money over the years. First was as a live in maid to an older man when she was fresh off the boat from Poland as a young 20-something. When she married my SO, she did nails, makeup and waxing from home. And then it was Primerica. Next, something to do with beads. After the divorce it was personal training, essential oils and supplements. Now it's holistic reiki healing in her basement.
I appreciate a good side hustle, but the skids are aging out of child support and my SO's family keeps bringing up concerns about how BM plans on supporting herself (they hate her). Just curious if this is a common theme amongst BM's.
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Why?
Why is SOs family worried about BM? Who cares. Once the CS ends, she can figure out her life. When CS ended for DH, we had zero concerns about how BM would support herself. Hell, we didn't even worry about it before CS ended.
After 17 years in StepHell, I'm 100% disengaged and give little "brain" time to any StepHell participant. Not my circus, not my monkeys to worry about. I have my own life issues to deal with, as we all do. Don't take on troubles that aren't yours to do anything about. That's my motto.
His family is worried that
His family is worried that she'll start asking for more money AND that he'd give it to her.
Our finances are separate, and he just has a notarized child support agreement with her. He just retired and got a huge payout. I'm suspicious.
Now I Get It
Do you think he'd really give her money???? Wow. And him just retiring with a nice retirement. SMH
Keep those finances separate.
Yes he would. Because "it's
Yes he would. Because "it's for the girls"
Please
Tell him to give money to the girls if its needed for the girls who have aged out of CS. Or even better if he wants to support them (and can do it without hurting his own financial future), he should give the money to a 3rd party on their behalf. Like pay their college fees to the University or rent to the landlord. This way any contributions can't get diverted to BM.
Great advice.
We did this with my wife's cousin. This is hte Unicorn cousin who was the closest relationship she had in her BioDad's family. My DW's BioDad was killed in an automobile accident a few days before my MIL found out she was pregnant with my DW.
Cousin and my DW were the same age. Unicorn passed a year or so ago.
She first reached out for money when she and her DW were in financial straights due to his non-work related injury that interrupted their income. We gave Unicorn ~$2K as a loan. She was to pay us back in 8 $250 payments over 16mos. A few days after she made hte first $250 payment she called and asked DW to not cash that check. We never saw a Cent of the $2K loan.
A few years later she called in tears about her DH being emotionally abusive and needing money for a deposit on an apartment for she and their two sons to get away from DH. Due to the non payment of the $2K, we made the deposit on the apartment directly to the apartment management office. However, she had not yet signed the lease. She ultimately did not sign the lease, had the management company refund the deposit to her, then went on a beach vacation with her GFs.
After that... we let them rot. Even my DW would not give her a penny after that crap.
We never saw any of the money we provided again.
Beyond CS, rather than providing direct support to the X or the SKids (aka the manipulative beggars), only provide it indirectly to a University (at or after the last tuiting refund date), a doctors office payment for an outstanding balance, etc.. Though always confirm that there is ZERO way for them to get that money. Do not pay security deposits that can be refunded... ever. Do not pay car insurance that can be refunded if the policy is canceled. .... ever.
No direct money or negotiable instrument of any kind. Ever. Nothing that they can sell for more than a pittance, nothing.
CS and only CS. Nothing more. Unless otherwise directed by the CO.
As for those that there is no legal obligation to, no money directly. Ever. For and reason.
While there are certainly those in everyone's life who are completely trust worthy, fine. But even with those, be very wary. Money has a way of undermining even those we love and trust beyond measure.
IMHO of course.
I'm probably just pissed
I'm probably just pissed because she dropped her dog off here yesterday when I was here alone because she had a client coming over and her dog bites the shit out of strangers. I hadn't seen her in three years.
If skids are aged out of
If skids are aged out of child support, then BM isn't entitled to another dime from DH. And WHY IS BM DROPPING OFF HER DOG TO YOU GUYS? This is all too friendly. Stop helping BM.
Once our SS turns 18, our BM will cease to exist in our eyes outside of skid events like weddings, birthdays, etc. We will be blocking her on all forms of contact and will be done with her. We won't see her unless we have to because of SS.
She's doing it because her
She's doing it because her dog is a handful, and she knows I love dogs and I'll put up with it.
BM is not your friend. Stop
BM is not your friend. Stop doing favors for her. If you hadn't seen her in 3 years, did ahe just call you at home out of the blue and ask? How did this even happen?
No no no
Stop dogsitting - it isn't your problem. Of course BM will ask for handouts if you both keep giving them to her. Frankly there is zero need for you to have any contact with BM, your stepkids are not babies.
Keep finances separate and if DH gives her money than accept that you married a fool.
Lol I haven't married him
Lol I haven't married him just yet. I really should say no to the dog sitting, but the poor thing is neglected at her house, so at least here he gets some snuggles. I wish I had as much empathy for the skids, but they're snotty so nope. At least the dog loves me.
Oh you'll love this. She and
Oh you'll love this. She and I are no contact. She asked SO, who said yes right away, and THEN he called me to ask if it was okay (she was on the way).
He did pick up steak and wine on the way home, and made me dinner.
Bad, bad, bad! She asked your
Bad, bad, bad! She asked your SO if she could bring the dog to YOU to dogsit, and he said yes?! All the steak in the world doesn't make up for that! Get your own dog! You can't worry about BM's future and you can't worry about her dog! I mean, well, you can, but I don't recommend it. Don't you want this b!tch out of your life?!
This entirely on you. Make better choices.
smh
Quit being BM and DH's beck and call girl.
You should have put the dog out as she was walking to her car.
Let her chase her rabid cur. Or let it chase her.
smh
Bm sold baskets. Spent
Bm sold baskets. Spent thousands on them every year for herself. She was spending more than she contributed, ran up credit card debt etc.... During the divorce she fought tooth and nail for those baskets, then the market dropped for them. Just big joke really. She got the house but doesn't take care of it. Did not sell it during the recent boom , still has it and now buyers are a bit more picky about repairs (which they should be IMO) She must be up to her eyeballs in debt , used the house as collateral and can't break even. The skids are all adults, why not sell when the market was crazy?? She's greedy as hell but stupid like this. She held onto the original mortgage, never refinanced when rates were low and lost thousands by not refinancing before she had to ( end of CO). We just can't make sense if it. Just plain stupid. Her long term (15 yrs) boyfriend won't marry her. DH can't explain why her. He's glad he got away when he did.
Omg baskets. I should start
Omg baskets. I should start talking about basket weaving around the skids. Maybe it'll be her next venture!
These were those fancy
These were those fancy baskets that were all the rage in the 90's. So much so they built a building size one in a Ohio.
Longaberger Baskets
If I recall correctly.
Though ostensibly he owed CS, his mommy paid it for him
and raised his three younger all out of wedlock half sibs by two other baby mamas with no help from the Spermidiot.
He is a licensed plumber who for decades worked part time to keep his income down on the mistaken understanding that it would keep his CS down. He earned most of his money doing under the table cash only plumbing jobs while SpermGrandHag let him live rent free in a rental property she and SpermGrandPa own He is in his mid 50s and still lives in mommy's and daddy's rental property rent free.
Neither DW, me, nor SS have ever given a thought to the Spermidiot beyond the level of disdain that he is held in.
POS poor choices to spawn with mostly seem to have some angle of dirt bag that they ply.
Fortunately, at some point many of them are flattened by the crap Karma that they so frequently earn.
Why would your ILs give BM support a thought once CS ends?
In-laws are concerned that SO
In-laws are concerned that SO will keep giving her money after CS ends because she's a leech and he's a sucker.
If DH's own family knows this.. why are you still with him?
BM isn't as far as I'm aware
But she is useless at financial planning. She got $$$$$$ for years plus a virtually mortgage free house and fully paid for near new car at the time of the divorce.
The house has been trashed by 3 teenage boys, then 2 huge dogs and zero proper up keep. And she couldn't even sell it at the height of the market.
The car is old now.
She didn't put any money aside for the future so who knows what she will do. I guess in the long term she'll take a hit on the sale price of the house. But I'm pretty sure that at some point she was an idiot and remortgaged it so the upside from the sale will be limited and won't be a pension pot.
But beyond some mild curiosity, I don't care.
Hmmm, our BM's are similar.
Hmmm, our BM's are similar.