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Merrigan's Blog

An infinitely better life

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A quick Christmas blog about all the changes in my life during the past year. I married my SO, and our relationship with the young adult SK's is so much better. There's been so many bumps on the road to get here, but I made it. The SG's are on their way to independence. Thank you all for the help and advice you've given. I thought I'd be writing another angry blog, but I can't. I'll keep reading and maybe posting here for advice on boundaries, physical and emotional. I never thought it would get better. 

Duck it

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Fiancé is going to a graduation dinner with just SD19, SD16, and ex wife. At their favourite date night restaurant prior to their divorce. I'm invited but will decline. SD19 insisted on having both parents there, and I was invited if I was "okay with it."

I am not. I'm not okay with FDH going to play Happy Families with his ex and teenage kids.  He's a grown man (55) and he can make his own decisions, but I'm not going to this "family" dinner at BM's favourite date night spot with her ex, just to make the kids feel like they have a family again.

Independent Women = bad, by BM

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SD16 and SD19 have been excelling in school in the past year. My SO is the same helicopter parent as usual, and their mom is has been on a new tangent. As per SD19, her mom says she wants her to put off being an "independent feminist" worker and have kids instead. SD19 has full scholarships to university here.

Why would a mom want her girls to be baby makers and not independent?

Amway, take me away

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Anyone else's BM an MLM hun?  I recently found out a bit more about how my SO's ex has made her money over the years. First was as a live in maid to an older man when she was fresh off the boat from Poland as a young 20-something. When she married my SO, she did nails, makeup and waxing from home. And then it was Primerica. Next, something to do with beads. After the divorce it was personal training, essential oils and supplements. Now it's holistic reiki healing in her basement.

Stepmom passed away.

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FYI - I may delete this soon. Under a lot of stress, so it helps to let out.

My stepmom of over 30 years passed away very suddenly two nights ago. She died in my dad and my sisters arms. I didn't have the best relationship with her, so I don't know how to feel.

If any stepkids are here, please let your stepparent know that you appreciate them. It's such an easy thing to do. I never did. 

Shoes

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I'm moving in with my SO in less than 30 days.  As a single childless woman with a great job, I have a lot of clothes and shoes. I donated most of the clothes but kept all the shoes. I don't want to donate the rest of my heels. Give me advice and strength, fellow Steptalkers. I have about 50 pairs that I have to make room for. 

Five years

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I've been with SO for five years now. One SD is an adult and on her way to uni, the other is about to turn 16. Both are planning to live on campus or independently for post secondary.

So I waited. All this time, SO wanted me to move in. Wanted us to get married. I waited until his kids were more independent and not feeling threatened by me (not "taking their dad away"). I freaking waited this whole time.

Financials that don’t involve me, how to disengage.

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I have a great job and make a decent salary. SO does as well and will be coming into a cash windfall in the next few months, as well as a significant raise. Child support is settled via court with BM and goes to 18 for each girl, 24 if they go to post secondary. He isn't required to provide anything extra than child support.  This is all signed off on by him and BM in court.

Unexpected SD18

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SO invited me over to his place for the weekend, even though he's working nights. This is common in our relationship, but he neglected to mention that SD18 was staying with him due to antivaxx BM having COVID yet again.  He goes for a deep daytime sleep, and she parks herself next to me on the couch and proceeds to talk at me for the next three hours. She likes to talk A LOT, and she enjoys an audience. I got to hear all about how she asked her mom about how she fell in love with my SO, how she felt it was true love at the time, but now she still cares about him.

Gray Rocking the SD

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This is all an SO problem, but I feel like venting again.

Last time I saw my SO at his place with the SD's was almost two months ago, just after the garden party poop show. I was riding on a high of "why do I have to put up with this?" and decided not to give AF anymore. So I spent a couple of hours on a Saturday with SO and OSD. We went to a farmers market. This is what OSD (almost 18) said during this time.

Checking out a local winery stand, in front of the vendor: "OMG are you guys going to get DRUNK tonight?"  SO said that wasn't nice, I said nothing.

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