It's not selfish to want to have a nice, peaceful life without any teens in it. Hang onto your condo and make no decisions before she's gone. Be prepared for that to be a very, very long time.
Seems to me that there is no real dilemma here - you're happy where you are and she gives yoiu panic attacks versus they want you to move in. How do you know that she wants you to move in, BTW? IF it's only that your BF told you, I'd be VERY wary.
Beach condo sounds lovely. If that were me I defineately wouldn’t give that up for quite a while. My soon to be ex husbands daughter was an entititled teenager who was indulged by her rich grandparents, and became an even worse adult. If she had heard the word no every now and again whilst growing up she would be a much nicer person. I certainly wouldn’t have given up a beach condo for someone like her.
You can't even talk about vacations and such around your boyfriend's daughter. If she has thay much sway... imagine living there? You want to redecorate - have to wait for daughter so she can pick out colors/design so she doesn't feel left out! Time to decorate for holidays? Oops. Gotta wait for daughter!
Do no move in. It will be the nail in your relationship's coffin.
There’s nothing special or magical that happens when you have a kid that makes the teen years easier to handle. We have three boys. One is mine. All of them have gone through what I term “the valley of death” where they are just the most difficult beings ever and all the while you are trying not to kill them and hoping they don’t kill you.
Most become more human after that period but don’t move out of your condo until she’s good and gone. Like wait even until after she’s through college and gets her first job to make sure she’s not gonna boomerang.
You are not selfish. You know yourself and your limits. You haven't given your SO ultimatums or freaked out on him. You've set boundaries. I think you are a healthy, mindful adult. And given how you've described the relationship, he seems to respect that.
And while I don't doubt that he is fantastic and you two have a terrific connection, I am concerned for you.Your SO's daughter is not going to magically go away at 18, given the current trajectory, which your SO is perpetuating. You might want to dream about life together when she's "launched", in terms of buying a home and having more time alone. But if SO can't so much as tell her that you stayed at a hotel (a very normal, healthy thing that adults do), then how do you think she's going to respond, given that Daddy isn't setting her straight now, when you decide to buy a home together and snowflake isn't involved in the process? Think you are going to have a lovely guest room? Guess what, snowflake is going to want that to be HER room. Decide to go on a vacation? Snowflake is going to throw an epic fit if it doesn't coincide with her college spring break. SO is teaching his daughter now that her tantrums result in her getting what she wants. So he either hides from her or gives in. Guess what she's going to be like at 18.... 21?
Comments
It's not selfish to want to
It's not selfish to want to have a nice, peaceful life without any teens in it. Hang onto your condo and make no decisions before she's gone. Be prepared for that to be a very, very long time.
Seems to me that there is no real dilemma here - you're happy where you are and she gives yoiu panic attacks versus they want you to move in. How do you know that she wants you to move in, BTW? IF it's only that your BF told you, I'd be VERY wary.
Beach condo sounds lovely. If
Beach condo sounds lovely. If that were me I defineately wouldn’t give that up for quite a while. My soon to be ex husbands daughter was an entititled teenager who was indulged by her rich grandparents, and became an even worse adult. If she had heard the word no every now and again whilst growing up she would be a much nicer person. I certainly wouldn’t have given up a beach condo for someone like her.
Hopefully yours is nicer to you.
I think living apart together is good
You are a couple, but living apart.
You can't even talk about
You can't even talk about vacations and such around your boyfriend's daughter. If she has thay much sway... imagine living there? You want to redecorate - have to wait for daughter so she can pick out colors/design so she doesn't feel left out! Time to decorate for holidays? Oops. Gotta wait for daughter!
Do no move in. It will be the nail in your relationship's coffin.
There is nothing wrong with
There is nothing wrong with NOT living together. Do not give up your condo.
No one can live with teenagers
There’s nothing special or magical that happens when you have a kid that makes the teen years easier to handle. We have three boys. One is mine. All of them have gone through what I term “the valley of death” where they are just the most difficult beings ever and all the while you are trying not to kill them and hoping they don’t kill you.
Most become more human after that period but don’t move out of your condo until she’s good and gone. Like wait even until after she’s through college and gets her first job to make sure she’s not gonna boomerang.
I agree with the rest...
You are not selfish. You know yourself and your limits. You haven't given your SO ultimatums or freaked out on him. You've set boundaries. I think you are a healthy, mindful adult. And given how you've described the relationship, he seems to respect that.
And while I don't doubt that he is fantastic and you two have a terrific connection, I am concerned for you.Your SO's daughter is not going to magically go away at 18, given the current trajectory, which your SO is perpetuating. You might want to dream about life together when she's "launched", in terms of buying a home and having more time alone. But if SO can't so much as tell her that you stayed at a hotel (a very normal, healthy thing that adults do), then how do you think she's going to respond, given that Daddy isn't setting her straight now, when you decide to buy a home together and snowflake isn't involved in the process? Think you are going to have a lovely guest room? Guess what, snowflake is going to want that to be HER room. Decide to go on a vacation? Snowflake is going to throw an epic fit if it doesn't coincide with her college spring break. SO is teaching his daughter now that her tantrums result in her getting what she wants. So he either hides from her or gives in. Guess what she's going to be like at 18.... 21?