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Update: Abandoned DH

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Wed, 03/27/2024 - 4:20pm

DH's surgery went well. Expect he'll be in some pain and will definitely be going for physical therapy, but the scariest part is over. Whew.

And still not a peep from SD43ish or SS37ish. SD has made it clear that she is not speaking to him (and won't tell him why, she's so mature). SS is a little more mysterious. They seemed to be ok, but he's gone radio silent.  The fear is always that the call of addiction is back in play. I pray not.

I'm not going to bother to call them. They obviously don't care. It's so unbelievable to me.

Comments

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Wed, 03/27/2024 - 6:27pm

Im happy to hear DH's surgery went well. Hoping for a speedy recovery.

Your skids are awful. I always thought SD was quite involved with big daddio. Or I may be mixing you up with someother shitastic skid?

I hope DH focuses on recovery and not on being ignored by the skids. Does he say much to you about this?

As for you. GOOD they dont deserve a call. You dont need their stress either.

Blessings

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Wed, 03/27/2024 - 8:51pm

You're remembering correctly. SD was a miniwife and they had some serious enmeshment issues. SS was also something of a miniwife, it at least they acted like teenage playmates. DH chased after them both for crumbs.

Until he had to choose whether he wanted a real wife or not. Over the last few years, DH got his balls back. SD no longer controlled his every move. The money flow to SS stopped.

And, sadly, DH's fear that he'd lose them if he didn't dance to their tune seems to have come to fruition.

He just seems baffled by it all. He's handling it pretty well, really. Tries to call or text periodically but not excessively. And he did tell SD that she was being cruel by not even telling him what he supposedly did to cause all this. He doesn't talk about it much with me. I try to be supportive but I'm sure he can read my disgust.

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Wed, 03/27/2024 - 6:29pm

That's messed up his kids not even responding to text. 
 

Is it possible their phone numbers changed? Or they blocked him over some past petty reason? If this is so then perhaps reach out to them on social media PM or have a close relative/friend tell them. 
 

Hopefully they're aware and they come around to offer some healing energy. 

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Wed, 03/27/2024 - 8:59pm

Hmm, I'm trying to imagine if I were in OP's shoes would I try to reach out and contact SK's? Probably not. It's so much nicer when it's just DH and I without their drama. I would only contact them if my DH isn't well enough to do it himself and he directly asked me to try to get ahold of them for him.

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Wed, 03/27/2024 - 9:56pm

Oh I know the feeling. 
 

when I was living with my now ex, his kids were intentionally overly needy/clingy as a way to run me off. Their c¥nt mother  encouraged their behavior. 
 

I would much rather spend time as a couple than with some obnoxious brats demanding every resource till there is nothing left for me. 

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Wed, 03/27/2024 - 9:56pm

Oh I know the feeling. 
 

when I was living with my now ex, his kids were intentionally overly needy/clingy as a way to run me off. Their c¥nt mother  encouraged their behavior. 
 

I would much rather spend time as a couple than with some obnoxious brats demanding every resource till there is nothing left for me. 

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Wed, 03/27/2024 - 9:56pm

Oh I know the feeling. 
 

when I was living with my now ex, his kids were intentionally overly needy/clingy as a way to run me off. Their c¥nt mother  encouraged their behavior. 
 

I would much rather spend time as a couple than with some obnoxious brats demanding every resource till there is nothing left for me. 

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Wed, 03/27/2024 - 9:01pm

It's all petty.

Don't think phone numbers have changed. And SD is all over Fakebook posting about her perfect family and traveling to see friends. DH periodically comments and she doesn't even respond to that. 

Here's a shocker, SD has alienated her only cousin and none of them are in touch with more distant relatives. Essentially, there is no family and no family friends. Their own fault, including DH. 

It's messed up.

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Wed, 03/27/2024 - 6:41pm

It's predictable but still sad when the skids do this.

I know your DH could use his kids now but try to enjoy the peace of their absence to help focus on your DHs recovery.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Thu, 03/28/2024 - 4:18pm

It's an unfortunate situation, but the skids would only get in your way and add to your burdens at this time.

I lost my father at twelve and my stepfather at twenty. So I can only shake my head at people who throw away something I'd give anything to still have. Yes, there are some valid reasons for doing so (like abuse or adandonment), but here on ST so often it's for the pettiest of reasons. And all we can do is watch.

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Fri, 03/29/2024 - 1:44am

Julie, it baffles me as well. My stepfather (in name only; he is a true father in every meaningful way), now in his nineties, is greatly loved and appreciated by my 5 siblings and me. We phone, visit and send frequent letters, cards and small treats to his retirement residence. Every day that Dad remains in our lives is a gift. He is interesting, intelligent, upbeat and full of affection for us. I simply cannot imagine treating Dad the way that Merry’s steps behave towards their father; their biological father!

Heaven forbid that your husband, Merry, should yield to his illnesses any time soon but if the worst happens, I truly hope that those POS spawn of his suffer the worst guilt imaginable. To be so ill, undergoing surgery yet have your children act in such a cruel and neglectful way must be deeply hurtful, the last thing that your husband needs! His spawn are, without a doubt, two of the worst steps on this site.

Best wishes to you, Hon, and many positive thoughts headed your way for your husband’s recovery. ((((HUGS))))

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Fri, 03/29/2024 - 8:22am

I've thought calling them to just ask them to call their father while he's recovering. But I know no good will come from it.

I was telling DH all the people who have asked about him. This includes our dentist, our plumber for gosh sakes, and friends and my family. He was so dejected when I couldn't add his kids to the list.

I know people cut family ties for lots of reasons, and sometimes it's the healthiest thing to do. But to not even tell him WHY she's so angry? THAT is the abusive piece. I REALLY want to tell her what I think. But I won't. 

 

 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Fri, 03/29/2024 - 9:16am

I think that the reason she won't tell im why she's angry is that she doesn't know herself. The cause was so long ago that she's forgotten what happened and she doesn't want to look "weak" by either admitting she doesn't know or just backing down and giving a feeble and insincere "I forgive you" and letting it all blow over..

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Fri, 03/29/2024 - 2:12pm

Entirely possible. DH didn't even know she was upset until December 2023. Auntie passed in spring 2022, and it is somehow related to something he supposedly said. But that's all he knows.

He has apologized generically (which he should not have) but impossible to make a heartfelt apology when the offending behavior has not been identified.

She wants him to chase her now. Go back to crumb-seeking.  Betcha.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Fri, 03/29/2024 - 11:27am

Is she in an abusive relationship? Is she is being deliberately isolated from family? Just a thought...probably doesn't apply but thought I'd mention it just in case. 

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Fri, 03/29/2024 - 1:40pm

Her DH is a pretty nice guy. They've been married 20ish years and this is a recent change in behavior for her. (The control freak, ultra bossy behavior isn't new, but icing out DH is.) So I don't think there is any external pressure to cut contact with DH.

 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 04/01/2024 - 12:32pm

Parents are an eternal blessing but our time with them is not infinite.

I am heading to the airport in about 10mins to fly to mom and dad's for the weekend.  Dad is 81, mom is 79.  They are both very healthy all things considered. However, I know that each chance I get to see them is a treasure I have to take no matter what.

An Engineer just tried to drop a major equipment disassembly, move, and reassembly get it done in 90mins on me.  Nope.  Where is your move plan, lift plan, disassembly, reassembly, and functional start up plan?  Bug eyes in response.  See you on Monday, have it all ready so we can review.  The longer you take to put it together, the longer it will be before you have that machine in production. Happy Easter!!!!

 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 03/27/2024 - 11:32pm

I am happy to hear the surgery went well.  The toxic Skids being gone is probably a blessing with the reduced stress and anxiety that the are keeping away as DH recovers.