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a doozy of a problem

Mich811's picture

so, i am pregnant (yey!)

here is the problem: we live in manhattan. we MUST stay in manhattan until 2013 due to a clause in DH's divorce agreement. we cannot afford a 4 bedroom apartment in manhattan by ANY means.

we have 3 bedrooms. DH and I share one, stepson 8 has one, SD 6 has the other.

where does my baby go?

Comments

Mich811's picture

10 night every month.
every tuesday, but just for dinner, then every thursday, every other fri/sat/sun to monday morning.

dakotamom's picture

put the 2 skids together. while my 2 skids are at the bm's house the 2 of them share a room because new hubby has a daughter and she has her own room and they procreated together and he has his own room.

Mich811's picture

the skids have their own rooms now, though. if i move them together, i become the evil stepmother of the year...and I am already feeling totally excluded in this family.

Fairy Stepmother's picture

It doesn't matter what the skids want, it's what your entire family will require. So, they have to share for while. Sharing is good. Give them their first real lesson in not being self-centered and doing something for the good of the family. Wink

This will only be as difficult a topic as you make it. Your the parents, you set the rules, end of story.

Let the skids redecorate what will be their shared bedroom so that they each have a "space" there and let them help redecorate the baby's room. This could end up being fun.

Mich811's picture

wait...i WANT a girl, but i don't know if i am having a girl...i'm hoping your post is prophetic!

what about the massive age difference? ss will be around 9 then, sd will be 8... argh. seems crazy to thrust a baby on them!

Mich811's picture

stepson has the larger room, by far. a baby won't fit in stepdaughter's room if SD is still in there.

won't stepson go nuts if he has to tiptoe around a baby?

Mich811's picture

I like this idea, too...but around 1 year + i bet i'll be dying to move the baby into its own room!

justbdais's picture

If you don't have the kids often, put them in the same room. A baby doesn't need to share a room with another child until they are older. Too many things can happen that a 6 and 8 year old don't understand and often times don't comprehend.

CrystalRE's picture

Evil stepmother or not, it only stands to reason that you would have the SK's share. You child will be there full time...no since in having someone elses things in his/her room 20 days out of the month when they arent even being used.

LizzieA's picture

Put baby in the smaller room and put up a divider for the SKIDs OR put the baby in with boy or girl, depending on gender.

Mich811's picture

I'm betting DH is going to really hate this idea. We spent DAYS working on the rooms...to take one away will really be harsh.

How do I approach this with DH? With the kids? Do we explain it to them when we tell them I'm pregnant (they don't know yet?) Do we ask them what they'd prefer to do?

justbdais's picture

I would tell skids first that you are pregnant. Then I would wait to see how their behaviour is, then talk to DH about it, then tell skids what you two decide. If you decide to find out the gender then wait to discuss it will DH until then. If you plan on being surprised, then you will want to discuss it with DH soon.

Fairy Stepmother's picture

DO NOT PUT THE CHILDREN IN CHARGE!!!

My SS told me years ago (he's 15 now), that he hated it when his mother would give him choices for something, right down to how he felt he should be disciplined. It made him really confused as to why she wasn't in charge.

I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. This is so easy comparatively speaking.

starfish's picture

my skids share a room ~~ have ever since i came into the picture ~~ guess i'm the evil one, b/c i needed the 3rd room for an office....

they have a nice bunk bed i bought them, stereo & satellite. any nakedness can be done in the bathroom. they don't have a room at home either, in fact i here they all sleep in the living room, bm on one couch, sd on the other, ss on matress in the floor ~ i guess so they can drag it ouside and air the piss out of it!

CrystalRE's picture

Maybe you could approach it with them by telling them its whats best for THEM?? I.e....its not good for them to be woke by the babies cries on a school night, etc???

missangie1978's picture

That's easy - for the first couple months, maybe even first year baby sleeps with you and DH in your room (in a bassinet/crib) after that you put the 2 older kids together because even at 1 years old the baby will wake up more often then the kids and keep them up.

Really they are only there 10 days so a little more than a week a month they can suck it up.

Rags's picture

Congrats on the new baby.

For four years (me 10-14. bro 4-8) my little bro and I shared a room in a three BR house. My parents wanted it that way. We had a third bed room but for some reason my parents would not agree to me moving to the back bed room. (maybe there was a murder in that room or something :? )

Anyway, those four years are the source of some of the fondest childhood memories for my brother and I.

Though I am 6yrs older we used to lay in bed and BS late in to the night.

I would put the Skids together and take one of the BRs as a nursery until the baby is old enough to bunk with their same sex sib.

Best regards.

poisonivy's picture

Yep.

poisonivy's picture

Yep.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

Last idea was good! Skids together is my vote either way. A baby shouldn't be with an 8/9 year old. I wouldn't trust my baby with the skid anyway. First explainthe pros/cons to hubby. I had to do this and when I did I had more reasons why baby should have their own room and did so in a way where he understood and agreed. You low hubby so you k ow how to persuade him. Once that is settled then explain to him that HE is going to have to gently break the news to the skids. Dothey know you are having a baby? I also say this process should be done slowly!! Let them get used to the idea of a new baby. Then let them get used to theidea of them sharingthe room BEFORE you start switching anyone. Then when they are ready and you can't wait any longer switch rooms. Let the skids decide how they want their room to be fixed- with dividers or not, what kind of bedding they want, dothey want bunks or not, etc. If you can paint the room then let them help you decide how they want their NEW amazing cool room to be done. TRY to make it as positive as possible. Good luck!

MamaBecky's picture

Congrats on your pregnancy. Your baby will sleep in your room most likely for the first year or so. After that, I would put it with the same sex sibling unless their are serious issues regarding the SKIDS and the new baby.

bruisedpeach's picture

in the uk houses are smaller and more spendo. one room for each kid is a luxury and if its down to the courts in divorce genders have to share.
we only have a 2 bed flat, but 3 skids, 2 SS and SD..older boys sleep together in the second room and sd sleeps with us (shes only 2.5) in a cot bed.
to be honest I would rather have baby in with me up until about 2 or so anyway and if its 2013 you can then move.
i wouldnt move or make the skids share. they will feel pushed out.

hismineandours's picture

I would honestly put the baby in with its same sex stepsibling. Well, first I would actually put the baby in my room until he/she began sleeping thru the night and then I would put he/she in with stepsibling. The baby would have the room to itself the majority of the time-and it's not like the baby is going to be hanging out in the bedroom all day not giving the older skid privacy-I am sure he will be with you. He could still do naps in your room as well. All my kids share rooms-they don't know anything else and it's no big deal.