The ex is moving back!
I'm finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and the ex is moving back! I had my fiancée call the ex last night because she hasn't said anything about Spring Break coming up and she currently lives in Vegas (has been there 3 months) and the tickets get pricey during Spring Break. Well it seems she didn't mention Spring Break because she wants him to come down before than on a weekend. We of course said that wasn't possible because of school and told her that Spring Break was coming up shortly so we'd send SS down than.
It was at that point she "mention" that she would probably be moved back up by the time. My fiancée asked her what she was talking about and she explained to him that she thought her move had been a bad decision and that she was planning on moving back up to our state and thought she'd be moved by the time Spring Break hit (that's the first week of April!).
Every time he's with his mom and comes back he's got anger issues and he won't do anything he's told etc… We're finally getting passed the bursts of anger, he's doing all his chores, homework every night and starting to catch-up on his reading level (he's in the 2nd grade and his mom never once made him read at home). My fiancée is happy that he doesn't have to send him down for 8 weeks during the summer because he was worried that he'd come back to us a complete mess and we'd have to undo all that damage again and I'm glad about not having to send him down as well but not happy about why.
I know his ex she's going to be a pain in my side. She tells ss negative things about me and than he gets confused and doesn't know how to feel and that ends up with him angry for days and when he stays with his mom his eczema starts flaring up and he's always tired because she lets him stay up all night and he misses tons of school because she's to lazy to get up and either walk him to the bus stop or drive him to school.
When the ex lived here my fiancee would bend over backwards to do things for her - he'd complain about it but still do it because he was scared he wouldn't get to see ss. He says that now that he's got custody that even if she moved up that he wouldn't anything for her but I don't know if I belive it. I was burned way to much by him when it came to his ex before to trust him. I did however tell him last night that if he did ANYTHING for her that didn't direct invovle ss that I would leave him, no converstations I'd just move out. This means picking her up at the airport, doing anything for her other kids (I love the her other kids but when he does something for them it gets the ex started on asking for all sorts of stuff), absolutely anything and I'll pack up and move out. He swears he won't but I'm not to sure about that. I just can't go through all that I did before, I deserve better and won't stand for anything less.
Why couldn't she just stay in Vegas!
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Comments
Good for you!
See, this is the sort of attitude I wish I saw more on this site! So many of the girls are putting themselves through the ringer trying to accept behaviors from their significant others that just aren't acceptable. Figure out where you stand, draw the line, and if the line is crossed, follow through with the consequences. I understand that some of these girls are married and/or have children, and they can't just up and walk away, but everyone has a line. It's up to you what to do with the people that cross it, and if you don't follow through with whatever consequences you put in place, be ready for that line to be crossed again. Don't move your line, it will only make you miserable. Figure out what's acceptable for you (as it seems you already have), and don't accept anything less. You've given clear warning. In the meantime, be prepared for the worst, but expect the best. Sometimes guys, in particular, take a little longer to catch on. Now that he's gone for some time not kissing her butt, he may not be so excited about doing it again. Something about seeing the light makes you not want to go back into the darkness. I have been trying to put this everywhere on the site that I can: If there is a custody arrangement/order of visitation in place, she CANNOT deny visitation, without facing the consequences of the court. Does this mean a few visitations may be missed? Of course, and believe me, I know, there is no way to get that time back. In Mic's case, however, when the judge found out that time was denied he gave Mic more parenting time through the week, which was even better than the phone time that was missed! Things have a way of working out, so even if visitation is denied, just take it to court. Just something you may want to forward to him.
Good luck!
well said
dbs you covered it beauifully.
Angie, hopefully he will not revert back to the old way. Take things as they come and stand your ground.
Keep us posted. Best wishes, Jo
this reminds me
DH's ex still owned the trailer that they lived in while they were married. She had been renting it out, but the person quit paying, and the trailer had been sitting in neglect for a long time. She called him and asked him would he do some repairs to the trailer. She said she would pay him. My first response was Hell no! Not only because I did not want to do any favors for her (it would cost her more to hire a professional, and she was going to start renting it out again), but it was the place where they lived together and would have memories attached. Plus it was out of my DH's way (he was working a full-time job, going to a school to train for another job, and coaching SS's baseball team in a different city), and he was driving a piece of crap truck which was all we could afford at the time. Not only that, but I didn't trust her to pay him like she said she would. I told him all of this. I told him that it was a bad idea. I told him how I felt about it. I told him that if he did this one thing one time, there would never be an end to the favors she asked. She had just divorced her second husband and I worried that she would have him coming around doing manly things for her all the time, for the sake of the child, who needs something fixed in the house. We pay child support - hire a professional. It isn't our fault you chase all of your husbands away. This was after she had told SS that I was the reason that she and DH could not get back together. I told him it was his decision this time, but he knew how I felt about it, and if she asked for anything else, he was to say no, or I was leaving. There was no way I was going to stick around while he neglected our household to take care of hers. He decided to do it. I think because he needed some extra money. But what do you know, she didn't pay. And he had to pay for the gas over there and the materials and tools that he used. Can you say "I told you so?" But I didn't say anything. And he told me later that he would never do anything for her again. Sometimes you just have to let them learn for themselves. I don't know if she has asked for anything again. Probably not, maybe because she did not get the response she was hoping for the first time. He probably just ignored her while he was there. Actually, I think he purposely went there at a time when he knew that she would not be there.